Saturday, February 07, 2009

Sucky life and can't believe even bestfriends can change until so bad.

Hey people...For some reason, I just wanna tell you people, that I give up on trusting anyone right now..Even bestfriends.It is like there's no point to it. I feel like right now, she is not even getting that I'm sad. Even if she get's it, she only gets it and tell me not to feel it this way.
I and her have been bestfriends for 4 years. And me and her never had into very big arguments.I and her, well, I thought she will be different comparing to my other ex bestfriends. She is like, she is different, no doubt about that. But, there's another that she is exactly the same. When she has a boyfriend, she gives her all to her boyfriend. Now, instead of coming to see me everyday. she only comes and see me like 2 times or 3 times a week. That sucks like shit. I mean, she told me she wasn't boyfriend crazy, but all I see is, she is.
Her movements, her actions are all boyfriend crazy. Like I said, she is the same when it comes to that sense. She never say something like, 'it is not the matter of fact on how much I spend time with you, but it is a maater of are you in my heart or not?' How come she have neverr say that before? That is because she found someone else that is fucking occupiying her time and she has no time for me. So that is why she said that.
It is not my fault that I want her to be the same as before. That is what made me to be her bestfriend. But if she were to change so much, how? Like I said, bestfriends to me are important. We always share moments, and time and secrets together. We actually share EVERY SINGLE BLOODY THING! But now, I don't do that anymore, I don't even know that is she even coming to see me, I don't know where did she go and all that stuff. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! And you guys wanna know what do I call that? SUCKS! At the first point, why did I made her to be my bestfriend? Because she is so caring, and kind. She llok after me, we share every secrets, when I need her she is there. But now, all of those toppled over and she is doing things differently. So how am I suppose to accept all of that, and put into my life? I can't. I don't like this bestfriend. If I were to put that into my life, might else well, I go find one brand new bestfriend. At the first place, I don't like this type of bestfriend, so that is why I didn't have. But now she is acting like this.
Sometimes, I wish she just knew her mistakes. And sometimes I wish one day, something really bad happened to her relationship and then she can really see what was I trying to say before. I do have a boyfriend of my own, the thing is when she was single, I didn't really put so much effort on my relationship. I rather spend time with her. Cause I felt much more fun. But then when she has a boyfriend, she is not treating me fairly and always with her stupid boyfriend. I am really pissed off. I have to say this out. I can't forever show fake smiles at her and fake actions that I'm actually okay. The thing here is, I'M NOT OKAY!!!
I feel lonely now. I feel like no one can actually hear me out. Not her. She was the only one that I used to call whenever I have problems and she will be the last person whom will cause me problems. But now, looks like she is the first person causing me pain, torture, depression and sadness. Yesterday when I went out with her, her bf and my friend, no doubt we were together for a whole day, but I didn't felt close like we used to be. She said that her boyfriend saw that we were very close. But I really want to push this question back to her. 'YEAH,her boyfriend can see that we were close lastnight. But do he see more? Yesterday was only a little. He should have seen more especially when we are on trips and everyday going out together and the way how much we stand up together' Her boyfriend don't know nuts about out relationship and he is taking me away from her. He si being so selfish in a way. So what if he is going back to UK? It is not like he is going to be there for a year or whatsoever. GEEESSSZZZZ!! If she can't even stand that, then what about this not being boyfriend crazy? That is more than crazy.We almost break up last wednesday and patch things up on Thursday but I got a bad feeling. I think one day, no doubt about it, this second chance relationship thing won't last. I got a feeling and this time, it is a strong one.