Sunday, March 30, 2008

Gonna miss him!

Hi all. I know, I know it's been a long long time I haven't been updating here. Must be my stupid idiotic work I'm going through. Well, as the usual me, I'm gonna explain my title up there.
Well, my pet brother Afif. He is staying in my house for several months now. And he told me, he really running out of cash and he wants his old lifestyle back. What he meant was that he is going to go back to his old house. The house that I hate. If you guys knows what I mean.
Well, he is going back to his house by the end of this coming week. And we're going to Genting this coming Saturday so, I'm gonna spend time with him a lot. Lots and loads of time. I can't bear to let him go. I feel like thousand of knives stabbing through my heart. I really do love him in a way. Maybe as a pet brother. But maybe more than that. But whateveror however I LOVE him, it won't change the fact that I'm still hurt on whatever path he is choosing now.
I really wants him to stay here for long. I know, I know I can't keep him forever, but you know, I feel like something big is leaving me. Last week, when he told me the news that he is going back, do you know for 3 days nightime, I cried? 3 days night in a row. Do you know how hurt was I back then?
I know to you guys out there, it is not such big of a deal that he is leaving but to me, it really really is. It is bothering me. A LOT! Maybe I just can't get over my loneliness when he is gone. You know, no more talking to me on the bed together at night. No more waking up and see him on my bed. No more, playing games with him. And no more punctuality.
I don't have to elaborate this, but you guys know how hurt was I back then when he was living in that house and always don't call me, never punctual and always missing? Yeah, I'm scared when he goes back home, he is gonna be like that. He promise me and he told me that, he is not gonna be like that anymore. How I really wish that I can trust him on his scentence plus words. But I can't. All my friends just can tell me this. Let him do what he wants and see how it goes. See how the outcome will be. But I don't wanna see it if it is bad.
I'm not ready to face it AGAIN! You all know about his stupid parents right? Yeah, all of that. Well, guys, I don't know. Help me. I really wish he won't go and understand actually how I feel. Especially right now. I wish I could grab his arm and tell him not to go. Tell him so much things that I can't say it out in words. I'm gonna miss him so much. So so so much. Even I can't express it in words.
I might be falling in love with him. But then again, I think not. Just that when I feel so close with him, I got this feeling where I feel that this guy is always there for me. But when I think back, when he goes back, he won't. He might not even hear me calling out his name.
Well, I guess you guys can picture out whatever it is already that I'm saying. So, let me close this with what I have to say to him...............
To my pet brother:
Hey brother. I know that I want you to read this. Since you could not understand why am I so hurt..Well, this particular blog will tell you everything single thing that is gonna answer your questions and doubtness. In this moment, when you're reading this, I don't know what are you actually thinking or how you're actually feeling. All I know is that I can feel that you think whatever I'm doing, asking you to read this is weird. I can tell you that it is not weird. Remember last week, I could not tell you why I'm always feeling sad those few days when I cried everynight, because you're leaving. It is just not the feeling of you leaving but the feeling that I'm losing you and rarely and can barely even see you. But you know what? All is up to your decision. I can't stop you now. Whatever I do, even cry or even up till my last breath, I can't stop you.
Well, to tell you the truth brother, I love you and hope you will not ever do the same mistake you will do like lastime. I wish and hope that you did the right thing. Okay? Remember the promise we make? The promise that if everything didn't went well, you will always come back to me? PleaSE, please do that and don't runaway and dissappear from me. I really need you in my life right now. Either than Jim, you're one of them okay? I don't wanna hurt you and figth with you anymore. I love you brother. Always. Please remember that and never forget it. Like you said to me, I'll always be your sister forever. Same goes for me. You'll always be my big brother forever. I love you lots. Let's have a great time in Genting and spend time together a lot like we never had. Goodbye brother. I love you. You know that.


Monday, March 10, 2008

Big Brother Episode 24

FinallY is Saturday and June and Jaron was at Jaron's house ahnging out. They ate in his house. All well prepared by Jaron.
June: I didn't know that you can cook.
Jaron: Hahaha. Must I tell you everything?
June: Of course You're my brother aren't you?
Jaron: Um..yeah, your brother.
June: What's the matter?
Jaron: Huh? Oh..nothing.
The whole day, they were just playing ps2. June was really enjoying herself eventhough they didn't go out much.
Jaron thinking: Hmm, she looks interested in games.
Then at night, around 2.30 a.m, is time to send June home. So Jaron send her home. At the middle of the highway, Jaron said...
Jaron: Um, June?
June: Yea?
Jaron: Later when I send you home, can you move to the backseat? I wanna tell you something there.
June: Huh?
Jaron: Just do it fort me please? You said you want to know what I wanna tell you right?
June: Yea, but what's that got to do with me seating at the backseat?
Jaron: Not you seating at the backseat alone. I'll be seating there too. I just wanna do it in a different way.
June: Huh?
Jaron; Nevermind. Just do it okay? If you don't want then I'll tell you other times.
June: Okay, okay. I will.
Then they finally reach there. So June did just like what Jaron said. She moved behind. And a momwent later, Jaron went at the backseat too.
Jaron thinking: goes nothing.
Jaron: Um....well, what I wanna tell you is something that you'll never expected. But promise me one thing.
June: And what is that?
Jaron: Do not ever freak out okay?
June: Okay.
Jaron: Before I tell you, can I hug you?
June: Hug me?
Jaron: Yeah.
June: Um..sure.
So Jaron hug June. Then after awhile he pulled back and took both of his hands and hold her face. June was pretty shock and do not know what to do.
Jaron: June?
June: Um..yes?
Jaron: I'm about to tell you now.
June: Um..okay.
Jaron: I think I have feelings for you.
June thinking: What? Did I hear properly?
Jaron: I don't know why. It's just that I spend time with you too much and you know, the feeling came.
June: Oooh. I see. Um, before we go any further, can you let go my cheek? I feel a little uneasy right now.
Jaron: Oh, I thought it would be romantic. sORRY.
Then he let go.
June: Um, it is romantic but you and me aren't together. It's just awkward.
Jaron: Yeah. Nevermind. I'm cool.
June: So.....since when did know....have feelings towards me?
Jaron: I have no idea. Maybe today.
June: Hmm...let me tell you something. I feel the same way.
Jaron: Haha, well, I knew that.
June: What? You know that?
Jaron: Yeah. The way you act and all towards Shika.
June: What? How did I act?
Jaron: Jealous?
June; I wasn't jealous.
Jaron: Yes, you are.
June: No, I wasn't.
Jaron: Okay, okay enough.
June: about Shika then?
Jaron: She did tell me that she like me today.
June: Oh, really? Okay..and?
Jaron: And.....well, I rejected her.
June; Because of me?
Jaron: Sort of.
June; So.....
Jaron:I like you..but there's one thing I have to tell you.
June: What?
Jaron: I can't be with you.
June: I beg your pardon.
Jaron: I can't be with you.
June: like me, but you can't be with me? What type of romantic script is that?
Jaron: Look, I know it sounds stupid but I'm just now ready for any romance relationship right now.
June: So, then, why are you telling me all of this?
Jaron: Well, I can't hide it. I just need to tell you before it is too late.
June: Too late? Too late to what? Too late so that I will reserve a place for you in my heart? So that if anyone asked me to be their soulmate, I will reject them just like how you rejected Shika? Is that it? Keep me hanging in the middle of a plank?
Jaron: No, that's not the point. Well, if there are other people who wants to be with you then you can go with them.
June: What the hell? Who do you think I am anyway? A toy? A thing?
Jaron: I didn't say that.
June: Look, you kow what? It's just better if you didn't tell me. I don't wanna know if that's the end.
Jaron: June, I'm just not ready okay? I need time. But seriously., if you like other guys then go for them. I just need to fight harder to get you.
June: No, Jaron. The point here is that I love you too. I can't just let you go just like that. I have the same feelings towards you but what's the point if I can't be with you. Hah?
Jaron: June, I just....
June Forget it. I have to go. It's late.
Jaron: Sigh, okay. I'll miss call you when I reach home.
June: Don't even bother.
She wanted to leave. Jaron grab her arm and said...
Jaron: June...give me time.
June look at him for a a few seconds and then just turn away, open the door and walk out.
The next day, she told everything to her bestfriend.
Jamie: Okay, that's stupid and lame.
June: Sigh...I don't know. I mean, what is he trying to do?
Jamie: Beats me. So..what you gonna do about it?
June: I really have no idea. I mean, I want to be with him badly. But,....
Jamie: Hey shika.
June thinking: Shika?
June turn and found Shika was already rigtjh in front of her.
Shika: Hey girl.
June: Oh..hi Shika.
Shika: What's up girls?
June: Um..nothing.
Jamie: We were just talking about Jaron tell her about his feelings towards June.
Shika: Huh?
June: Oh..hehe..Nothing.
June whisper: Jamie, shut up.
Jamie: What? I can't hear you.
June thinking: Shit.
Shika: What about Jaron?
June: Oh..nothing much.
Jamie; What do you mean nothing much? Anyway, Shika, Jaron told June lastnight, that he have feelings towards June.
June thinking: Great. Nice going Jamie.
Shika: Oh...he...h-h-he d-did?
Jamie: Yeap. But...for another reason which is stupid, Jaron said that he is not ready for her yet. Isn't that lame or what? I mean, what's the point of...
June: OOOooooohhkaaaaaay. I think we have enough talk for today.
Jamie: What are you so shy off?
Jamie: I'm not shy....It's just that, um...we have to go to class now.
Jamie: What? It's only 15 minutes before class starts.
June: Well, it's better to be early.
Jamie: Since when did you became punctual to class?
Shika: Excuse me June...I don't mean to be mean but...I thought you said that you and him are just...normal brothers and sisters? Why all of a sudden.
Jamie: Okay, Shika..I'm sorry.. We were really brothers and sisters. We love each other like that type before. It's just when time goes by, we beginning to realise that we don't love each other that way anymore. We start to feel a little jealous in some certain things and maybe Jaron thinks that I and him are...
June: Well, not really the word I'm looking for but....close.
Shika: So, I'm not suitable?
June: Um...I didn't mean...
Shika then saw Jaron a few steps away. She went there straight. June and Jamie followed her. She said to Jaron...
Jaron: Shika..hi.
Shika: You like her?
Jaron was confused.
Jaron: Like? Like who?
Shika: Your own sister. June.
Jaron:WHat? Who told you?
Shika: Does it matter? is true.
Then Jamie and June arrived. Jaron turn to them but his eyes were lock on to June same goes as June.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -