Thursday, May 31, 2007

Sad, depressed and feeling fucking miserable.

Hi guys. I'm in work now and I don't care ler what the fuck wherther my boss catches me using the computer or not. All I know is that, I'm damn fucking dpressed now. Thanks to my boyfriend. He was the one made me to become and make my darkside of me awake. He was suppose to come and spent time with me yesterday after his guitar class. Then after that, me and Afif wanted to go to mid valley just to hang out at the arcade and all. But then, thanks to him, acting like a total jerk, he said..."what the heck? Again?" And when my own boyfriend told me that, what do you guys think I felt? Sure ler fucking hurt.
And so I was like damn pissed off with him because whatever I want, he can't sacrifice for me. So nevermind ler I called him back and said no need to go and then he said he already canceled his plans with his family. So I was like damn bluddy happy. But then, the horrible news came much later on. There's still more. He came to my house with Afif and then he received a call from his so called stupid mum and then he straight away went downstairs where me and Afif were waiting for him and told us.."bie ar...I'm not going anywhere man. I have to go ..Now." That's what he said in front of me, Afif, my sister and her boyfriend. What do you think? A jerk? Everyone was looking at him. Afif was looking at me. He knew from that moment onwards, he knew that I was gonna explode and he was damn fucking right about it.
I straight away asked both of them to go up to my room and talk things out because obviously speaking I wasn't in the mood to even hear what is his excuse this time. Because all I know is that, he never and never ever did want to go to Mid Valley not just yesterday but other days too. Even if it is for me, he will not do it. Just because he has a last moment plans with the family. Then what about my feelings? Do I even matter much to him? That's what keeps running through my mind all the time when I think about it.
Afif ran up with me upstairs and asked me to relax. He knew that I was so angry and pissed off. Then after that, he tried to comfort me and Jimmy. He put me in my dad's room and he put Jimmy in my room to let us cool down. And for some reason, I startred to cry and OMG, I can't even believe it till now that I cried in front of Afif. Afif was like my boyfriend yesterday comforting me and all. And the way he comforted me is like a boyfriend use to always comfort their girlfriend when they breakdown. He took my hair and put it at the back of my shoulder and put it behind my ear. I kind of felt secure that time so that's why I stopped crying. After that, Afif went and talk to Jimmy in my room and Jimmy really said this sentence "times up. I have to now" Like he didn't really bother of the relationship I and him facing right at that moment. Sohe did went never even saying bye and all. Afif said that he promised me that he will make him call me. So yeah, he did. Jimmy did called me up but I sounded so depressed and all. And I sounded dead. And so Jimmy said that he will make it up to me. So I believed him. Well anyway, I really am depressed until sunday. I'm going to be like that till sunday. Okay la. No mood liao. Gotta go. Bye!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Big Brother Episode 18

Jaron: Something is not right? What do you mean?
June: I don't even know myself. Maybe I'm just thinking too much.
Jaron: Okay. So what's with the love you and all?
June: I don't know. He said love you so I said it back.
Jaron: So what? Does that mean that both of you are still together?
June: I guess. I know he doesn't want to break up with me and all but I have no idea why is he doing this. At this point all I know is that he and me are still together and when he's coming to see me tomorrow, I'm going to ask him to make up his mind and tell me what the hell is going on.
Jaron: He's coming tomorrow?
June: Yes.
Jaron: Good. So ask him and make sure that he answers you every single thing.
June: Sure. Um...Brother?
Jaron: Yeah?
June: Thanks.
Jaron: For?
June: For? Hmm, I don't know. Just thanks for everything.
Jaron: Oh. You're welcome. So, I guess it is okay for me to go home right now right?.......Or...do you want me to stay here?
June: Nah, I'm fine now. You can go.
Jaron: Okay. Oh yeah, by the way, I won't be here tomorrow. I'll be going to Sarawak so....I hope nothing goes wrong between you and Halbert.
June: I'm sure nothing is gonna go wrong thought I really feel something is definitely wrong but then again, maybe I'm just thinking too much.
Jaron: Yeah. Maybe you are silly girl. Come. Let me give you a hug.
Then June walk towards her brother and Jaron gave her a hug. They pull back after that.
June: It's so nice hugging you sometimes. Especially when I'm down.
Jaron: Don't worry. I'm always available for hugging when you're down. Just call me if there's anything okay? But...don't call me tomorrow. That's just a favour I'm asking from you. I'm having a very special client tomorrow with my dad. So, I can't expect any calls unless it is really urgent okay?
June: Sure. No problem. I promise no calls from me tomorrow.
Jaron: Alright. I'll go home now. Bye sis.
June: Bye.
And so he went off. The next day, June was waiting for Halbert to come over. Which he didn't even call or anything up till 1 p.m. June was getting worried so he called up Halbert's brother handphone but no one answered. Then she text message Halbert's brother's phone. She said...
June's text message: Is Halbert there? Just wondering.
Just about 1 minute later, Halbert's brother text message back.
Halbert's brother text message: Halbert? Whose Halbert? I don't have any little brother name Halbert. Has already been kicked out from the house.
From the moment when June read that message, she has no idea what ibn the world is going on. All she knew is that, Halbert has not only left her but she has no idea where Halbert went. She was so worried and all.
June thinking: What does this mean? Does this mean that he already left me? What is actually going on?
June text back the brother. She screwed the brother like anything calling him and his family names. She knows that they never did treat him nicely. She have no idea what to do. All she knew is that she is feeling very very sad and all. She felt like as if she wanna die and the whole world didn't mean anything to her at all. She pick up her handphone and wanted to dial Jaron's number but then, she remembered that she promised not to disturb him today. But she didn't care. She was crying so terribly to even care what others think. All she know is that she is the one that Jaron needs to think that is important. She is really in a breaking down session and a serious one. She just miss called him so that she is not really disturbing him but he didn't call her back this time. So June got no choice so she call up her other friends. One of her bestfriend did made her feel better and talk to her or awhile but they can't talk all day. So she hang up and then called up her other friend but that other friend just make things even worst. She hang up and just went out with her dad at night. She was feeling just a little better but her heart still was really pain. It was at night around 9.30 p.m and she was out with her dad. All the whole day she was trembling. And then Jaron called her up finally.
June: Hello?
Jaron: June?
Jaron thinking: Man, she sounds dead. Something must be up. Something definitely is going on with her and Halbert. What is it this time?
June: Well, now is a little late to call me.
Jaron: Well, I did call you up right? I can't call you up just now because of my clients and I remember telling you that yesterday. So....is it because of Halbert?
June; Well, I and him broke up.
Jaron: For real?
June: Yes.
Jaron: Ok, what exactly happened?
June told everything to Jaron and then she cried again.
June: Look, I'll tell you when I get home. (sniff) I don't want to let me father knows that I'm crying.
Jaron: Alright. I'll call you back later.
Then later on, Jaron call her up.
June: Hello?
Jaron: Hey. I kow this is dumb but are you okay?
June: No.
Jaron: I'm sorry. But, I can't talk long.
June: Yeah, yeah I know. I just...when are you coming back?
Jaron: I can't miss college, so I should be back by tomorrow.
June: I need someone.
Jaron: Well what about your bestfriend?
June: No, I need to finish up my assignment. It is due on monday.
Jaron: Then go do it.
June: I can't concetrate dammit.
Jaron: Sigh. June. Please. Don't be like that okay? It is not the end of the world.
June: It is. It is the end of the world. Do you even know how important he is to me?
Jaron: Of course I know. It is so obvious.
June: Then...then why are you asking me a dumb question?
Jaron: Hey.I'm just asking you to do your assignment to save your butt from being kick by the lecturer on monday okay?
June shouting: Who cares about this stupid assignment!? I don't even care if my butt got kicked by the stupid fucking lecturer! I want to fail my semester! I hate it! I hate this semester! It is giving me a headache! I...
Jaron shout: Stop it right now! Shut up!
June kept quiet. Of course she was shocked and was crying.
June crying: You...you shouted at me.
Jaron: Yes, because you're out of control.
June crying: You shouted at me. How could you?
Then she hang up.
Jaron thinking: What the heck?
Then he called her up again. She didn't pick up.
Jaron: Sigh.
Then he called her up again. She pick up this time.
June: What?
Jaron: Just calm down okay? I'm just trying to help you okay?
June: I know.
Jaron: Look. I'm coming back tomorrow but not sure wat time. When I get back, I'll call you okay? In the mean time, try to find something to do. Or maybe go out with your bestfriend or something. Just don't do anything stupid okay? You know I hate that.
June: I know. I'll try.
Jaron: Hey...
June: I know. I won't. See ya.
Jaron: See ya.
Then they hang up.
Jaron thinking: Somehow, I just feel that she is not gonna be okay. Sigh...Halbert. Curse you.

END OF EPISODE 18
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Fuck off ler miah! Go get a life! Don blame me for being bitchy in this blog.

Hey guys. Jeesica is back here. Okay, miah, miah, miah. The sissy kind of guy. The most sickening guy I've ever met. Okay, one thing sick about him is, he's lame, gay, loser, and the one thing I really want to complain about is his fucking bluddy attitude towards everyone ACCEPT, his own girlfriend. I already had it with him and have enough of Jennifer complaining stuff about him towards me. The one last thing I feel like doing is killing him right this instant.
I have no idea what kind of spell did he put onto Jen to make her not taking any sides when she is always the person complaining to me. And I've always sided her in any way. Now when I'm complaining the same old damn thing to her, somemore the exact same person, she is not taking any sides? What the heck is wrong with her? As a bestfriend, I thought that she will always support me even if I'm wrong or whatsoever.
Yesterday, I just asked Miah about Jennifer's whereabouts and there he was telling me in a good way. Fine, but I just replied back like this "blek" and he didn't liked it? What the fuck is wrong with his gay mind? It is playful la. MAAAAN! His is really like a girl. Merajuk damn fucking fast. I'm so bluddy sure that his girlfriend treated him damn nice tat is why he don't fight with her. YUCK! Imagine him saying all those to the girlfriend. But still, girlfriend is girlfriend. Friend is friend. I will never be soft to a fuking guy like him. NEVER IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE! What sort of guy that God has created being such a loser and act like a girl?
Is it my fault? For saying blk? What the heck? Like what Jennifer said, he doesn't understands mem well, but the thing is, I'm trying to put some sense in his gay mind and stop acting so immature. And he throw back that sentence to me. Miah really have no idea who the hell is he messing witih. By the time he comes back. At the airport, he will really get it from me. I will remember this day. I will remember every minute of it. I'm very damn bluddy pissed off at him. Because of him, I'm getting dissapointed in Jennifer and because of him, I can't really be close to Jennifer. It is almost Jennifer is his girlfriend and what he told me is that, Jennifer is one of his closest friend and he will complain if she take different course. Well, I wanted to say back to him what actually Jennifer thinks but I didn't. Kind to think of it, I SHOULD. I was not doing it for him but doing it for Jennifer.
And I have no idea what I'm feeling now. AAll I know is I feel like smashing his lame head on the wall. Really feel like doing that. Talking to Jennifer in msn. Well, not sure. I send her a message. Not sure whether did she recieved it but she didn't reply me nowadays. And, yeah, very nice of her not to reply ANY ONE OF MY MESSAGES. eACH TIME when I send her a sms, she never replies and then I always wonder, did she ever gets my messages. Keep me worrying. She said that she's not changed and all. Hmm, well, then how come I'm feeling that she is? Answer me this. One thing. I'm not thinking too much. THANK YOU!
Dissapointed in Jennifer you asked? Duh. I'm freaking dissapointed in her and angry at miah. There, I've said. Jennifer saeems like she's not even bothered about the way I feel when miah said that to me. Aksed me just to leave it alone? Can she if he ever said that to her? Well, I would like to see how she handles it without my help. It looks like she will never have any problems with him anymore. But if she ever does have problems with him, then..don come running into me. I tried to help her and when I have problems with the exact same person, she is not siding me at all. ARGH, I don't want to do this but seriously. How can she even do this tome. I feel so betrayed in a way. So confused and pissed off. People out there, why not you tell me what to do. Coz I'm really out of ways to settle the way I'm feeling now. Tired and sick of it.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Damn sucks. Tired of living.

Hi guys. The title up there shows everything. I and my boyfriend just had a fight and I have this feeling of breaking up with him also. I know. It sounds stupid and pathetic. Well, I just have that feeling. And I called up Herman. He asked me not to break up with Jimmy. After all those 6 months together. He said that he also had been through this things also. He said that when he was with his 1st girlfriend he did the same thing like what Jimmy does.
I'm having a financial problem already and he was not realising it. Well, I couldn't believe it. Well, now I'm really suffering and struggling on how to find money. Then after my work, later around like 8.45 p.m like that, nearly to 9.00 p.m he called me. And suprisingly, he called me 4 times. I didn't picked up the phone. 2 reasons. One was, because the phone was upstairs and I'm downstairs.(well, I purposely left my phone there), 2nd reason was because I didn't wanna pick up the phone because I was pissed at him which he don't even fucking realise it. And then I went upstairs to see how mnay missed calls and it was only 4. So I didn't want to miss call him back. Then he called me up again and then i was thinking should I pick up or not then I just gave him another fucking chance so I picked up the phone. Then he already know from the tone of my voice, I was not in a very cheerful mood. Which I am not in a cheerful mood everyday. But yesterday I could not take anymore pressure so I just burst out crying.
Everything was settled after that. He knocked his head on the wall twice. After that I went out with Herman. Wasn't really convinced that it was settled. Herman told me to forgive him and give him a chance to improve himself. So I did. I went back home and called him up and suprisingly he was still not in the mood. I thought that the conversation we had earlier is not gonna have any big impact on him but guess what. It did. Wow. I went all soft again after that. And let's just see whether is he ever gonna change or not. Ok la. Later he is gonna go jamming with Afif. He asked me to go along for the very first time. I might be going BUT I wanna eat my dinner. I need to. If he is gonna stand in my way of that, he is gonna lose me slowly. I went with him to jamming but he also need to satisfy my daily routine life. Okay la. Ciao.

Friday, May 04, 2007

My trip to Bangkok!! Woo hoo!!

Hi guys. I just came back from Bangkok and it was fantastic. One reason I wasn't enjoying is because my bie bie is not there. And seeing my sister and her boyfriend there sometimes makes me sick ler. Anyway, we were on a tour. So when we reach there, we were searching for the tour guide fella. Finally met up with him, I had trouble hearing him because the slang that he used was a bit the different. But I got used to it later on.
Then we went and check in the room and went for makan which is yuckie at first. Ididn't like the mee I ate but I finished it up so what the heck ler.And then we went back to the hotel and rest for awhile. At 6.30 p.m we went to a place and then eat dinner. It was a buffet dinner. We almost everyday havin buffet dinner. So after that we went and watched a show. A thai show. More like a play.It was nice. It kinda reminded me of ' The King and I" And then after that, we went back to the hotel and get ready for the next trip. All the photo's, I'll post it up later on.
We joined 10 people and those people are indians(of all races) and 3 more indians. So all together was 13 and those 10 people in the group are so bluddy noisy and slow like tortise. We waited for them 1 hour. We suppose to leave the hotel at 7.30 a.m and we left at 8.40 a.m. So nevermind lor. We started out late. We went to pataya first to visit the temp of awn. And we went there by boat first. And there was this floating market where there are people on bos who will sell things. It is the same s market, just that this one is on a boat and they sell you stuff. It was reaLL cool. And we bought breads to feed the cat fish in the water. The monks will usually feed them, And then we were off to pataya with bus. And that's where I hate it. Because there ae children inside the bus and one of them wanted to sing so much and she used the mic in the bus to sing and she sang INDIAN SONGS! OMG!After that, we reach pataya and we checked in. I can't rmber what we did because too manby days already. So kinda forgotten. Anyway, we watched another show which was the aqua show where everyone was dressed as a girl when they are guys and they are really pretty man I tell you. More prettier than real girls.
After that, the next day, which was tuesday night, we went to the zoo I think. Man, I can't remember. But what the heck la. We went to the zoo and watched crocodile and pig show. And then in the zoo, I took picture with the tiger cub. Damn fucking bluddy cute. I was scared also ler at the same time. But, ahh, what the heck ler. My sister and me took together.
Then after that we went to this place which we suppose to see an elephant show but we missed it. Thanks to that stupid 10 people la. Slow like shit. Over there at the elephant, I took picr with the tiger. The big one this time. I will post it up. Don't worry.
Oh yeah, we went and see the most biggest gem. Like how they make all those necklace and stuff. It was really cool. They took us in a ride. It was like a train. And thee,they explain one by one. And then after that, they will bring us how they make the necklace and all. After that it is time to buy their poducts. Not to forget, we also visited the place where, crocodiles, snakes, elephants and sting rays skins are used to make bags and purse. I bought one purse made of elephant skin.
And then we went to the beach and that's where I got bitten by don't know what insect and right now I have spots all over my hands and legs. ROAR. We took a boat to the island and then from there we go to the beach lor. And I didn't wanna went swimming because I didn't brought enough clothings to wear. Anyway, after that, we ate squids and I have no idea what I ate. It looks like it is in the prawn familY.It was really tasty. Then we went back home and ate lunch. After that we went to dream world lor the next day. It is something like sunway lagoon. Better but worst than Genting. roller coasters aren't so scary than Genting's one.
After the dream world, we watched tiger show. Bare in mind that tiger shows aren't the normal tigers I'm talking about. It's the other type of version. And that's the end lor. We went for shopping also after that at Suan Lum. Ahahaha. I bought things from there. It is a night market. For Malaysia is called 'Pasar Malam'. Well, I will be going again over to Bangkok. This time only with my bie bie. And it is gonna be a total different feeling. Actually he wants to go there because he wants to see a concert. So since he wanna go there, I also follow lor. Ok la. Something is really wrong with my computer. The keyboard. It is really hard for me to type. I have no idea whenever I press, it is not coming out. Something is really wrong with the computer. Not the keyboard. Alright, I wanna stop liao. Damn tiring. Ciao people. I'll keep more update about my daily life ya? Ciao.

Big Brother Episode 17

2.16 p.m in the afternoon. Jaron and Halbert were at the clinic. Waiting for June to come out from the operation room.
Jaron thinking:
I should have gone to at least visit her today.
Then Halbert stand up and walk towards Jaron.Jaron look up at him.
Jaron: If you're going to blame yourself, you don't have too.
Halbert: I just wanna tell you to take care of her.
Jaron: Why? Aren't you suppose to do that instead of me?
Halbert: I wanted to tell you the reason. And I think now is the best time. I want to break up with her is because I don't want her to be sad anymore. Being with me, she'll suffer. Where else, someother guy will take good care of her I'm so sure of it.
Jaron: You only think that way.What about her? Does she think like the way you think? Halbert:I know that you may think that you're useless and all that, June doesn't think you're like that. Get it?
Halbert: I know. But...
Jaron: I just telling you not to hurt her anymore please.
Halbert: You don't get it don't you? If she's with me longer? She's gonna get hurt more and more. I'm saying the truth. Jaron" And how the hell would you know that she won't get hurt if she's with other guys?
Halbert: I'm not saying any other guys but you.
Jaron kept quiet for awhile.
Jaron: Me? I...I can't...
Halbert: And why not? You guys knew each other so long. Longer than I know her that's for sure.
Jaron: I know. But we're just brothers and sisters.
Halbert:Yeah, but not related with the same blood. Jaron: We....I won't like her okay?
Halbert: And why not?
Jaron: Coz...I just won't....It's too early for me to be in a relationship.
Halbert: Are you kidding? You're only 2 years younger than me. That's old for you rinformation. You better start now if you want to have a long and lasting relationship.
Jaron: What? Okay, just drop the subject. I have enough of this conversation.
Then June came out from the operation room. June saw Halbert. Then she cried.
Jaron: Hey June. What's wrong?
Halbert: It's alright. She's just happy to see me.
June crying: Why? Why did you leave me?(Sobbing)
Halbert: I need too. You deserve to have a better guy than me. I'm...I'm sorry. Jaron?
Jaron look at Halbert.
Halbert: Take good care of her for me. Thanks.
With that, he walk away. June didn't shout after his name, but just continued crying. Halbert was crying too when he was walking away. He don't wanna be mean but he knew that Jaron can take care of her. Then at night, Jaron was with June, for almost the whole day. They both were in June's house. Jaron make a cup of water for June and pass it to June.
June: Thanks. Jaron: You okay?
June: What do you think?
Jaron: I guess not. Sorry. I know I'm asking a dumb question.
June" It's alright. Bro?
Jaron Yeah?
June: I...I want to forget about Halbert.
Jaron: Forget?
June: Yes.
Jaron: But...
June: Can you please help me?
Jaron: Huh? How?
June: I don't know how but please help me.
Jaron: Um...
June: I don't wanna study anymore. I wanna fail. I wanna fail this semester brother. I don't wanna study anymore. Without him, I'm nothing.
Jaron: Oh come on. Please don't do this. This is your last semester.
Then the phone rang.
June: Hello?
Halbert:Hey baby.
June: Halbert?
Jaron was looking at June.
Jaron thinng: Okay. What the hell is he doing calling her now.
Halbert: June. I'm sorry. I need to tell you something.
June: What? What other points did you missed out?
Halbert:I know you hate me now. I have no idea why I even want to break with you but I just know that you deserve someone else better than me okay?
June: How the hell do you even know that?
Halbert: Okay, promise me one thing.
June: What?
Halbert: Promise me that you'll finish up all your assignments and graduate this semester okay? Do not flop any of your subjects okay?
June: Why? Why are you telling me all of this? What is actually going on?
Halbert: Don't worry about me. I have to go. Just promise me now June.
June: I..I promise.
Halber:Okay. I love you.
June: You love me so don' t leave me.
Halbert: It's not that easy. I'll see you tomorrow. I promise.
June: Promised?
Halbert: Promised.
June: Okay.
Halbet:Bye. Love you.
June: Bye...Love you too.
Then they hang up. Jaron said...
Jaron: Halbert?
June:Yeah.
Jaron: What's with the love you and all?
June: I doN'T KNOW. I just know that something is not right.
END OF EPISODE 17
Set By
- Jesssica Tan -