Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Love Story Chapter 58

At break time, Cal was walking towards his locker. Then he saw Jamie alone.
Cal thinking: After for so long. I haven't seen her for days.
Then Cal walk towards her. Jamie closed her locker and realise that Cal was coming to her direction. She wave at him.
Cal: Hi
Jamie: Hi.
Cal: It's been a long time I haven't seen you. How have you been?
Jamie: I'm fine.
Cal: How about your....
Jamie: My sickness?
Cal kept quiet.
Jamie: Oh...don't worry. I mean, it is not like I don't know that I have sickness.
Cal: I know...But still.
Jamie: Alright. Stop arguing.
Cal: I'm not.
Jamie: (Giggling)
Cal: What?
Jamie: Nothing. It is just that we never did argue this few days. It feels great to argue again like old times.
Cal: Oh...huh? You like arguing with me?
Jamie: Well, I don't like it. Who does? It is just felt like old times again.
Then they were silent. Jamie felt awkwards then she quickly spoke.
Jamie: Ill see you around.
Cal: Okay.
Jamie began to walk and then she turn back.
Jamie: Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you something.
Cal: What's that?
Jamie: I'm stopping college.
Cal thinking: What?
Cal shout" What!?
Cal: Why?
Jamie: Because of my sickness. I need to stop. I mean, there'sa no meaning anymore to learn and come to college. I only can live for few more months.
Cal: Jamie, you can't stop college.
Jamie: And why not?
Cal: Because....
Cal thinking: Because I will never ever get to see you again. But I can't tell her that.
Cal: Because I'll miss you and've come this far. I mean, don't tell me you wanna stop now. I know that you have a few more months to live but you still can come to college and...
Jamie: Stop Cal. I know what I want. I chose to leave college. I don't feel like learning anymore.
Then suddenly, Jamie felt her chest was so pain. She hold her chest so tight. Cal saw it of course.
Cal: Jamie? Jamie are you okay?
Jamie: I...I guess.
Cal: Jamie...don't scare me...
Jamie: I'm fine.
Then Jamie let go of her chest.
Cal : You look painful just now.
Jamie: My chest was pain just now.
Cal: Now?
Jamie: It already subsides. I'm okay.
Cal: Jamie...I'm worried about you.
Jamie: Don't need too. Johnathan is doing a very good job. He can take care of me.
Cal: Yeah. How can I forget?
Jamie: Welll, I think I better head to my class now.
Cal: Okay.
Jamie: Bye.
Cal: Bye.
Then Jamie walk to her class. At Cal's side. He was on the way walking to his class when a girl stop him. It was Melanie.
Melanie: Hi.
cAL: Melanie. Not now.
Melanie: Not what? How do you know what I wanna say?
Cal: Probably because I already know what are you gonna say?
Melanie: Alright...then tell me what I was about to say?
Cal: Thanking me?
Melanie: Bingo. That and one more thing.
Cal gave Melanie a confusing look.
Melanie: You see....I still don't get it.
Cal: Get what?
Melanie: Jamie is getting married and she still don't know that you love her.
Cal: So?
Melanie: So? So you got to tell her.
Cal: Oh common Melanie. We've been through this. I'm not gonna spoil people's wedding.
Melanie: Even if she's not happy with him?
Cal: Well, how the hell do you even know whether is she happy or not?
Melanie: I don't. That's why I want you to ask her.
Cal: No. Melanie. It's over. Me and her. Over. SHe has Johnathan....
Melanie: And you have nothing.
Cal: I don't need anyone.
Melanie: Really?
Cal: Yes.
Melanie; Do you really mean it?
Then Cal paused for awhile.
Cal thinking: She's right. I do need someone.
Melanie: You can't lie to me Cal. How many times you wanna lie to me?
Cal: Whatever it is....We're over and don't ever talk to me about this topic again. Sigh... need to go to class. See you...
Then he just walk pass Melanie. Melanie look at him leaving.
Melanie thinking: Hmm. If he doesn't want to do it himself, I will.
Then after college, Jamie went home. She took her bath and wanted to rest. She sat down on the couch and was about to call Johnathan when...
Jamie thinking: Huh? I wonder who is that?
Then she open the door and happens to see Melanie standing at her doorwat. Jamie was shocked to see her there.
Jamie: do you know my house?
Melanie: You were with Cal before and I was jealous of you so I followed both of you to your house but that was a long long time ago. Just forget about it. Anyway, do you have a minute?
Jamie: Um...Actually, I was about to take a rest.
Melanie: Oh yeah. How can I forget? You're sick. But...seriously, this is urgent.
Jamie thinking: Urgent?
Jamie: Um...before you start or say anything, why are you telling me anyway? I mean, I don't really know you and we all never did started up in a good relationship.
Melanie: Sigh, I know. I know we started out bad but I'm changed. You can ask Cal if you don't believe me. But seriously, that doesn't matter now does it? I need to tell you something before anyone regrets.
Jamie: Regret?
Melanie: Yes. Now I'm gonna tell you if you can just let me in?
Jamie: Oh..Sorry. Sure.
Then Jamie step aside and allow Melanie to come in. Jamie close the door.
Jamie: Um...Please make yourself at home.
Melanie: Thanks.
Then Melanie sat down on the couch. Jamie sat the couch next to hers.
Jamie: So...what's all this about?
Melanie Okay. I don't know how to start but...all I can tell you to cut a long story short is...I don't think you and Johnathan should get married.
A shock of expression is shown on Jamie's face. Then Melanie quickly said...
Melanie: I mean...Do you even love him Jamie?
Jamie kept quiet for a moment. She didn't say anything. Melanie was silent. She was waiting for Jamie's answer. Jamie's head was down and then she look up and said...
Jamie: Is this about Cal?
Melanie: Yes. It is.
Jamie: Did he asked you to come and question me? Because if he did...
Melanie: No Jamie. I was the one who wanted to know the answer myself.
Jamie: Oh really?
Melanie: Yes.
Jamie: Then what will you do if you know the answer?
Melanie: Jamie, I'm not trying to ruin your wedding with Johnathan. It is just that, I just think that this marriage is not gonna be happy. You are just marrying Johnathan because that what Cal wants. That is not call true love Jamie.
Jamie: I do.
Melanie: You do what?
Jamie: I do love Johnathan.
Melanie: Jamie. Don't go saying things that are not true. You need to think.
Jamie: It is true. I do love John and I'm not marrying him because of Cal. It ie because I love him.
Melanie kept quiet for awhile.
Melanie; You sure? Don't regret.
Jamie: I won't.
Melanie smile to herself.
Melanie: Then I got nothing else to say. I better take my leave. Don't need to open the door for me. I will do it myself.
Then Melanie stand up. She never walk yet.
Melanie: But there's something I got to tell you. I know Cal for a hundred years he won't say this to you. I only realise this yesterday. He loves you. He will always love you. No matter what. He confess to a guy that hates him so much that he loves you. How daring can he be to just tell a stranger that? I was quite shock to see hear him say such thing. And you will never see him act this way. But honestly, I know he doesn't wants you to get married with Johnathan. He loves you forever Jamie. That is all I wanna say. Goodbye. Till we meet again.
With that, she open the door and walk out. Jamie burried her face ontoboth of her palms. All of a sudden she is hearing such things. Her wedding is 5 more days.
Jamie thinking: Why am I still thinking? I love Johnathan right?
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Friday, May 26, 2006

Fading away slowly + worried! HERMAN!!

Hi people. Benn busy with assignments and last projects. Not to mention now I'm also doing my assignments. Anyway, kinda worried with Herman. Have no idea what the heck happened to me. Lastnight. we suppose to meet as usual and he was confirmed that we are going to meet but then he never called me up until now. Later, I'm going to delicious there and search for him. I'm not going to wait for him to call me. And thie Reney, asked her to pick up her call, she didn't pick up. What la that girl.
Anyway, title up there is actually about Andrew. Yeah, fading away slowly. Not gonna worried about him anymore. He doesn't wants me to worried about him. So if that's what he wants, I will just do it. And also, well, kinda have no feelings anymore towards him. Lastnight when I talked to him, it is like just as if I'm talking to a normal friend. Anyway, he is treating me like one. He doesn't likes to talk to me on the phone that much. And I think it's been for 5 days I never seen him or more? Hmm, not too sure but I don't bother to count anyway. Well, just treat him as a friend is the best way I guess for now. He is not trying his best to be a good boyfriend anyway. He needs to try harder if he really really wants to be mine.
Kinda scared to find Herman later at delicious. Scared that the results would be scary as in HIS NOT THERE! If he didn't come to work than how? Seriously, I would cry. I don't know what happened to him!!!! I wish his okay...I need to know that he is okay. I always thinks that he has an accident. I know I'm thinking too much but that's like the best solution on why he didn't show up or call me. I'm so scared...Please tell me he is okay and please tell me he is in delicious working....PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE!!! Man, I'm getting a headache....My hands and legs are cold...Am I sick?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Avoiding or not?

Hi people. Been very busy with assignments lately..Damn. And can't really worry so much about love right now. Since everything is going slowly and steady. (I think) Well, that tuesday, Andrew came to my house just to see me when I was so busy with assignments. Well as usual, I'm so frustrated when he wanted to come and see me. I don't get it that why he don't understand how much my assignments mean to me. Then when he came and after watching triumph in the skies, we talked and both of our minds are really clear this time. As so I think it would be.
Well I think things are not going too well as I hope it will be. Andrew don't call me anymore. And when I change my photo in friendster, he also changed back and he updated his profile. Wow, so nice. Damn ego. Well, since he wants to put it this way then fine. He wants to avoid me. Well, think about it. I thought we already set our minds clear but looks like he just making things worst. Looks like he wants to forget about me and his promise about waiting for me is all bullshit. Yeah...Looks like that way.
Nothing much to say here anymore. Tolerate with him so many times and not to mention, been busy with my assignments and have no time to think of this love situation especially about him. I'm not suppose to be thinking about it anyway. So, fine, I've tolerated billions of times and seriously right now, I'm so fed up over it. Tired and not gonna think anymore. Seriously so shitty now. I thought this will make things easier. But look who screws up the whole thing? Always says he gets me. If he really does, he wouln't be that ego just to change back the picture in friendster. I seriously want to say that word to him but not in the blog. It's just soo rude. Looks like guys will always be the same. Never change. Their egoness is always there. Will never be gone. I hate those type of people. ARGH.....FEELING SO SHITTY NOW!!! See la. If he does something tonight then I will reconsider. But I got a feeling he is not. If I never write this blog....He will not do it!! Fed up man. Really fed up. FED UP!!!!!!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Love Story Chapter 57

It was a long long day that Cal and Melanie went out and have fun. Then they went back to Cal's house. Both of them went inside his house.
Cal:Phew. Nice. I haven't have so much fun since....then.
Melanie: Hey. You are still thinking about that thing again?
Cal: Oh..sorry.
Melanie: Man, I'm bushed.
Cal: Hold on. I'll get you a drink.
Then Cal went inside the kitchen. He took two glasses of water outside and handed one of them to Melanie.
Melanie: Thanks.
Cal: No problem.
Then Cal drink first. Then only Melanie drink. Cal look at her drink. Then he said...
Cal whispering: She is so beautiful.
Melanie heard Cal whispering but can't quite get what he said...
Melanie: What?
Cal: Huh? Oh..uh..nothing...
Melanie: Oh..okay..
Then moment of silence. Then Melanie begin talking.
Melanie: Um...Cal?
Cal: Yeah?
Melanie: Just curious. Did you ever miss me? You know, after the break up?
Cal: Um....I...
Melanie: It's okay. forget I asked.
Cal: Well, I think it's time for you to head home.
Melanie: Yeah...I know.
Cal: I'll fetch you home.
Melanie: No, it's okay. I can...
Cal: Melanie, let me drive you home okay?
Without waiting for Melanie's response, Cal took his car keys and headed out from the door. Melanie followed behind him. Not long after that they reach Melanie's house. Cal and Melanie went down from the car. Cal walk towards Melanie.
Cal: Come, I'll walk you to your door.
Melanie: It's okay Cal. I can walk myself.
Cal: Alright.
Before she turn away, she look back at Cal's eyes.
Melanie: Cal...Are you sure you're okay?
Cal nodded his head. Melanie then turn and wanted to walk when Cal said...
Cal: Wait.
Melanie stop walking. She turn to Cal.
Melanie: Yes?
Cal walk nearer to Melanie. They were standing so close to each other.
Melanie thinking: I can almost smell his perfume. It's the same perfume he use lastime.
Cal: I just wanted to say...take care.
Melanie: Oh...Thanks.
Melanie wanted to walk away again when Cal grab her arm and then pull her towards him and they kissed. Melanie was shocked at first but she manage to response back as soon as possible. Cal was patting her hair and putting her hair behind her ear. Melanie was putting her arms all around Cal and kissed. She has no idea what she was doing. As if now, nothing left but she and Cal in their own world. Then suddenly a voice came in crashing.
Voice shout: Melanie!
Melanie and Cal stop kissing. It was Melanie's boyrfriend Nicholas. Melanie saw the look on her own boyfriend's face. So hurting.
Melanie thinking: Shit. This must be a nightmare.
Melanie: Honey.
Nicholas grip his hand so tight and storm off. Melanie try and cath up with him but Cal grab her hand.
Cal: Don't go. I'll go.
Melanie sobbing: No Cal. It's my fault.I should go talk to him. Besides, this is me and him. This has nothing to do with you.
Cal hold Melanie's shoulder.
Cal: Let me go. I'll explain everything. Looking at your condition now, I don't think you can handle this.I'll go.
Then Cal run as fast as he can to catch up with Nicholas. Cal can see Nicholas in front of him. He shouted.
Cal shout: Hey wait up!
Nicholas didn't bother but just keep on walking fast but Cal manage to catch up with him. Cal grab Nicholas hand.
Cal: Hey.
Nicholas just struggle his hand and swing Cal's hand away.
Nicholas: What do you want? You stay away from me.
Cal: Look, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have kissed your girlfriend. And, I didn't even know why I did that.
Nicholas: I have nothing to talk to you.
Nicholas turn and was about to walk away when Cal said...
Cal: She loves you. Not me.
Nicholas stop. But he didn't turn. Cal continued.
Cal: She loves you more than anything.
Nicholas turn to face Cal.
Cal: I thought that she will never forget about me.
Nicholas: Who are you?
Cal: I'm Cal. I'm sure Melanie did mentioned my name to you before.
Nicholas: Yeah. She did. Her ex right?
Cal: That's right. Look. I'm really sorry. I actually...I don't know what was I doing. Maybe I just didn't know this Melanie.
At the same time, Melanie came by.
Cal: This Melanie now that you know is so much better than the Melanie I know lastime. She's changed and I thank you for that. I can never ever changed her no matter how I tried. That time, all I can ever think of is this girl name Jamie. Jamie is the girl I really wanna be with. Now I know. I've lost two girls. I'm such a loser and I don't want to take Melanie away from you. Melanie and you belongs together. The kiss that Melanie and I have will be the last kiss that I ever going to give her. I will not take her away from you. I swear. Jamie is going to die. And I can never tell her how much she means to me. She'll never know. But since now you and Melanie are together and she's here. Don't ever leave her. I know you mean a lot to her. You even changed her. I realise who I wanna be with. And I realise I can never have her. Melanie is all yours Nicholas. I'm reaLLY sorry. If you still feel pissed off at me then...
Cal walk closer to him and said...
Cal: Punch me.
Melanie was shocked. Cal is willing to get punched? Nicholas grip has loosen. He said...
Nicholas: I won't.
Cal: I'm willing to get hurt.
Nicholas: That's not it. Look at the back of you.
Cal turn. He saw Melanie. Then he turn back to Nicholas.
Nicholas: I won't hurt anyone who mean a lot to Melanie. If I punch you, I'm just thinking about myself.
Then Melanie walk towards both of them.
Melanie: Baby, I'm sorry. I don't know why I....
Nicholas put his second finger on her lips.
Nicholas: Shh. It doesn't matter.
Then Cal took Melanie and Nicholas's hand and put them together.
Cal: Trust me. You guys will be the most perfect couple.
Then Melanie and Nicholas smile at each other and they kissed. Cal just slowly walk away from them. He went to his car and then started the engine. Melanie stop kissing and saw Cal inside that car and drove off.
Melanie shout: Cal! Cal!
Nicholas hold Melanie's shoulder.
Melanie: He has problems. I just want him to feel better.
Nicholas: I know. I know. But no one can help him now. Only himself. All you can do for him is t give him support.
Melanie nodded her head.
Melanie thinking: Oh Cal. Please. Please recover.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Dammit my classmates and Andrew Chin. Hate you!! Sucks. All of you sucks!! Assholes and suckers! Go hell!

Do you really hate it when some people just treat you nice at one day and treat you like a pile of shit on the next day? It is as if you have no feelings at all? Well, this is how my classmates are treating me. And not to mention that guy with the so called 'Star Wars' song that Afif made up lastime. Andrew Chin. I hate him. Now I regreted even finding for him a model lastime to pose for him for our photography class.
You know, now when he has this final project and he teams up with his worst enemy which is Lynndy,(She's the most pretty and obnoxious girl in the class) he treats me like shit. When I'm in front of him and when Lynndy is in front of me, he will walk to Lynndy and ask her to go for lunch. And now he has abandon me for good. What the fuck? How can this even happened? I'm the victim? Supposingly he should be the one left abandon. And he is a fucking showing off asshole. Today, we suppose to like bring our assignment, just the sketches and he brought his final drawing on the illustration board and he showed to our lecturer. And of course his darling partner was there to compliment his drawing and not only this drawing but all the other drawings that he has. And I'm so fucking bored and sick in hearing "Andrew this, Andrew that'. What the heck? Isn't there anything that you would wanna say to Andrew until you need to compliment every single thing about him? Lastime, not even a name called Andrew even runs through from that obnoxious mind of hers. Now everything si Andrew this and Andrew that.
Well, let me get this straight. I thought that she really really hated Andrew and didn't want Andrew to sit with her group of gang lastime. But now, everywhere she goes, Andrew will follow like as if he is a dog. Or bodyguard. He has friends now and yeah, friends that are useless and shouldn't be called friends. They are not even friends.
Oh common. Why do they even need to be called as friends? Let me see, Number one, when I eat with them, usually, they will wait for their 'so called' friends to all but their food and eat at the same time but they didn't wait for me. Number 2, there's not point in eating with them. I'm not talking to them anyway. It is the same thing as eating alone. Number 3, I need to finish before they do. Who knows, maybe they will just leave after they finish eating not waiting for me to finish up.And number 4, I need to be and act like a girl to eat my food. And need to be polite in front of Lynndy I suppose.
Well, whatever man. If Andrew thinks that he has found perfect friends and people, then go ahead but when they are starting to act as if he doesn't exist next sem, he better not crying and begging me to eat lunch with him anymore because I had it. I feel like now, they are not treating him good too. Well, he's a dog. He doesn't know anything. Anyway, I better go eat lunch now. So damn hungry. And well, I really hope that Andrew willlearn his lesson next sem and see what is he missing not spending time with me. Don't forget that he owe me a lot of fucking favours. Sicne he is not my so called friend anymore, he owe me a lot of things. Starting from today, I'm gonna ignore him and not going to talk to him like how he act towards me. Fuckers. Go suck your balls and pussy la..Fuck all of you. Really fuckers man.

Love Story Chapter 56

Cal: What?
Melanie: You heard me. It's time to go.
Melanie wanted to grab Cal's hand butCal tend to struggle.
Cal: Go? Go where?
Melanie: Hang out and have fun.
Cal: What?
Melanie: I told you. I want to spend time with you.
Cal: And why would you wanna do that?
Melanie sit down in front of Cal and said...
Melanie: Common Cal. You are alone and depressed. I can see it. You can't lie to me.
Cal: Look Melanie can you please mind your own business?
Cal took his bag and stand up. He wanted to talk out from his class when Melanie said...
Melanie shout: What about you!? Can you!?
Cal turn at her but didn't say anything. Melanie walk closer to him.
Melanie: Cal, I can't just act as if you are not feeling anything. I know that you're hurt. Just let me heal your heart by having fun alright? Give me a chance to tell you that I'm change.
Cal: Melanie, I don't need you to spend time with me just to let me know that you're change.
Melanie: Just give me a chance Cal. As a friend.
Cal look at her for a moment. She really wants to be his friend again after all he had done to her she still willing to be his friend.
Cal thinking: She's really changed.
Cal: Where you wanna go?
Melanie smile and took Cal's hand and both of them went off. At Jamie and Johnathan. Both are so busy with their marrying stuff. Jamie was clearing her room. Johnathan was helping her. Then she came across a picture with Cal and her. Both of them hugging. She stop clearing for awhile and stare at the picture. Then she close her eyes and put the picture at her chest. Johnathan saw that.
Johnathan: Miss him?
Jamie open her eyes and then turn to Johnathan.
Jamie: Yes.
Johnathan: I understand.
Johnathan face suddenly turns gloomy.
Jamie: Sigh, honey, I know what are you thinking but...
Then Johnathan put his second finger on her lips and said...
Johnathan: Shhh. I know. I know. I mean, you are getting married with me is not what you really wanted is it?
Jamie: No baby. That's not true.
Johnathan:Really? You just wanted Cal to see you get married with me so that whatever he wants did suceed and it doesn't matter whether it hurts you or not.
Jamie: Honey. Listen to me.
Johnathan: Jamie, I know what are you thinking. But sometimes I just don't know whether should I marry you when I know all this. And also I don't know how much longet do I have to wait so that you will forget abotu Cal. And in my heart I can never erase Cal from your heart.
Then Jami striaght away hug Johnathan crying.
Jamie sobbing: That's not true John...That's not true.
Johnathan response back to her hug and didn't say anything.
Jamie sobbing: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Johnathan: No. I'm the one who suppose to say sorry. I'm sorry that I made you cry.
Jamie sobbing: Honey...
Then Jamie pull away and said...
Jamie sniffing: We are gonna make this work. We are gonna make this relationship and marriage work. I don't care if I still in love with Cal but I still wanna be with you... and that's true.
Johnathan: Jamie, It's not that. I don't wanna be a replacement with...
Jamie: Trust me. You're not. And trust me. Starting from today onwards, I'm gonna love you more than ever. I know I can do it. Yoeu trust me do you?
Johnathan: Yes, I do but...
Jamie striaght away kiss Johnathan and shut him off bu kissing him. It was a passionate kiss that Johnathan can never let go. He never receive any kiss like that from Jamie before. And they kissed for a long time. After they kissed, Johnathan slowly open his eyes. He hold Jamie's neck and said...
Johnathan: You're so beautiful.
Jamie smiled. Then Johnathan is comign closer to her face again and this time, Johnathan press his lips against hers and Jamie response back. They can't stop what they were doing and they kissed until they reach Jamie's bed and they fall down. Johnathan was on top of Jamie and they were still kissing on the bed. From that moment, in Jamie's mind, she knew that she was wrong about Johnathan.Johnathan had changed her and she will not leave him forever.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

My feelings.

Alright people. Basically, I'm like so totally bored right now. Freaking bored. And guess what? Today, I suppose to have an exam and it is canceled again. Make me sleep late lastnight for nothing. Anyway, the title up there is feelings. Actually, I confess that my feelings towards Andrew has decrease. So basically, I don't know what this means but I think Andrew also knew about this.
As well as Herman, I and him are still together. Still going steady and strong. And I think he is handling this breaking up thingie quite well I would say. He already knows that Andrew is going to be in mylife soon and he can't do anything about it. He won't leave me like until forever. He will just wait until I leave him.
Sometimes when I'm with Andrew, I don't love him. As for now. I don't feel so much into him anymore. I don't know whether he knows so I will just write down here. Now, I'm just too obsessed with my work and trying hard not to let neither of them,(Andrew and Herman) to get in the wAy. Maybe the reason why I don't love Andrew that much is because he doesn't understands me and he is not my type of guy that I wish for. Sometimes I just wish that he never did show up in the first place. I don't know what Herman make me so in love with him even we are in a difference race and religion. I think Andrew really really need to change a lot of his attitude and the way he wants to be with me if not, I will really really tell him to give up.
I know to love someone is like to love every single thing about them, but then think about it. I think Andrew did want to tackle me first. I wasn't interested in going out with him in the first place. Maybe I know what makes me love him lesser. Maybe it because the incident that I had with Herman that makes me and Herman nearly broke up that day. I just know that when I'm with Herman, I can act babyish and myself but when I'm with Andrew, I don't intend to hug him, cuddle up with him and also do anything silly. As if, I'm just not comfortable with Andrew anymore since that incident. And don't get me wrong. This is not to say I don't love Andrew anymore. I love is just maybe I really really need space right now. Maybe I should not see him a few weeks. And make me settle things first. I can see him but I don't want to hug him and stuff. Lost trust is already one thing. Talking about loving him back so much more? I just can't do it just so fast. Gaining back trust on the person I want to love is hard. I just hope he won't put anymore burden on me after reading this blog. I just need him to understand.
I know sometimes, I'm being selfish and all, but I can't help it. My feelings are just my feelings. I can't help and control all of it. Maybe after I write this blog, I'll call him and explain everything and I wanna see how much he handle the situation. Alright, wish he can handle like how Herman handles things that are beyond our reach.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Love Story Chapter 55

Cal was lying down on his bed after he went out with Melanie. He flashed back on what Melanie said to him and for a moment, he remembered when he wanted to fetch Melanie home, Melissa wanted to say something to him but in the end she didn't.
Cal thinking: It is like she's shy to say it.
Then Cal called up Melanie's house.
Melanie: Hello? Melanie speaking.
Cal: Hey Melanie. Cal here.
Melanie: Oh..hi.
Cal: Um...I called up to apologise.
Melanie: About what?
Cal: Well, I was kinda harsh to you back there.
Melanie When?
Cal: You don't remember I was being harsh to you?
Melanie: Well, I don't think there was any part that you were harsh to me. At least, I can't remember.
Cal: I thought that I was harsh at you when you wanted to tell me about Jamie.
Melanie: Oh..that. Well, I wasn't mad or anything.
Cal: Okay then. That's good.
Then there were moment of silence.
Melanie: Is there anything else?
Cal: Um...there is one more thing. Back there when I wanted to fetch you home, you wanted to asked me something didn't you?
Melanie: Uh...
Cal: What is it?
Melanie: Just forget about it.
Cal: Oh common Melanie. Please tell me.
Melanie: I'm not sure whether should I tell you or not?
Cal: I promise I wiuldn't ask anything else or question you after that.
Melanie: I was actually trying to tell you that I...kinda have feelings for you again.
Moment of silence again.
Melanie: But....
Melanie quickly butt in.
Melanie: I already have a boyfriend so don't need to worry.
Cal: Oh...Oh I see.
Melanie: Yeah,...look, I'm sorry. I know that I shouldn't have told you even if you forced me.
Cal: No...I was the one actually was curious to know...but I think you might find it weird too but I also have a little feelings towards you. I feel so happy when I'm with you and...
Melanie; Stop Cal. I already have a boyfriend.
Cal: Yeah..yeah...I know. I'm....sigh..I'm sorry. I think I should put down the phone now.
Melanie:Yeah, I'm actually expecting a call from him soon.
Cal: I see. Alright then. I'll see you around then.
Melanie: Yeah..sure. Bye.
Cal: Bye.
Then they put down the phone. Then not long after that, Melanie's house phone rang and this time it was her boyfriend.
Melanie: Hi baby., there' something I need to ask you.
Back at Cal's, he was still lying down on his bed.
Cal thinking: What a fool I am? I have feelings towards Melanie and I go and tell her that I have feelings towards her..Man..How am I going to face her? This is just too sucky.
Kring...The next day, Melanie came and find Cal. He was at his locker taking out his books.Melanie went to him.
Melanie: Hi.
Cal turn. Melissa's face is all happy.
Cal: Hi. Are you okay?
Melanie: Yeah..why?
Cal: You look happy.
Melanie: That's because I get to spend time with you nowadays.
Cal: Huh?
Melanie: Um..I asked my boyfriend whether can I spend time with you since you are in a moody mood this few days. And I know that you're depressed.
Cal: But aren't you scared you fall for me again?
Melanie: Um...just forget about it. I won't and I promise.
Cal: Erm...but I'm not so sure about myself.
Melanie: Oh common. I'm sure it's gonna be fun just the two of us spending time again like old times.
Cal: Nah Melanie. I'm fine. I think you should just hang out with your boyfriend. I'm fine really. Thanks anyway.
Then Cal just went off. After his class, he was staying back. Everyone went home already accept him. He was day dreaming and starring out of the window. Then suddenly, someone came and tap on his shoulder. He look up and it was...
Cal: Melanie?
Melanie: Common, it's time to go.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Monday, May 08, 2006

Alright. Sometimes, I just feel that I'm like a total bitch. Hurting people. Hurting a lot of people. Alright not a lot. But two people who are tottaly in love with me. Herman and Andrew. Hurting them both is like hurting me too. Thousand knives stabbing through my heart.
I mean, in the 1st place, I shouldn't even exist in their lives. Seeing them both struggling from the deep sea trying to call out my name and when both of them drown at the very exact same time, who would I wanna go too first? Eventually, I need to let one of them go. The question is who? Herman is not my real boyfriend. But somehow seeing him hurting so much and seeing him treating me like a princess is making me love him so much more than ever before. It is like a precious treasure that I can't let go.
Andrew on the other hand is someone that I wanna be with forever. The problem is that I can't totally love him with all my heart yet. Not until I am really and truely single. Herman is still with me and he loves me for God knows whatever reason. He is just too in love with me and I am also too in love with him. All the time I always remind Andrew that he don't need to worry because I know that I love him and I will and I will really be with him. The question everyone will be asking me is when. And I really don't want anyone to push me in this. It makes me go insane. I thought I and Herman is going to be couples until a long time. Maybe a year. SuddenlY Andrew came into my life and I was so happy that there's a chinese guy is waiting and wanting to tackle me. On the other hand I thought that it is not so hard to even let Herman go. But now, I know that is just so fucking hard to let him go. Seeing him in all sorts of condition really hurts me and I wanna help him and be right by his side.
Every guys likes to act macho. And the truth is, they are NOT. Now I think mostly I among all of other girls I met, I'm the only one who understand what guys feels. When they are jealous and when they are really hurt. Well, my love life can say sucks. Stuck between and can't let go between two guys is not what I have in mind. It is not nice and I never wanna experience it for the rest of my life. Just for now, I got to figure a way to end the relationship with Herman. Not so soon la of course. I can already imagine that day how he will react and how I will react.I'll probably cry my lungs out.
Yeah, so you guys out there who ever experience this type of love triangle thing, well, you all will know la how I feel. Especially when you are in love with two person. And you can't let them go. Hmm, wondering is Herman calling me to go out or not. Just now he called me and never pick up the phone coz the vibration is not strong enough. And he never called back. Sigh that's one thing I hate about Herman. Call me once and when cannot get through, that's it. Wat la. Suppose to go arcade one. Sigh, looks like not going already ler. So late. Sigh, so dissapointing only.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Love Story Chapter 54

College is over. Melanie quickly pack her bag and headed straight to Cal's class. She was just in time. When she reach there, Cal was just getting out of his class.
Cal: Oh...hey Melanie. What are you doing running? In a rush to go somewhere?
Melanie: Um..actually, I came to see you.
Cal: Me?
Melanie: Yeah. Are you free now? Wanna go for a drink?
So both of them went to coffee bean and talk.
Cal: Um...what is it?
Melanie:I saw you this morning.
Cal: Yeah, I know.
Melanie: No...not me and you talking. I saw you seeing Johnathan and Jamie kissing. And I know that you are damn jealous.
Cal: I'm not.
Melanie: Really?
Cal just kept quiet.
Cal: Look, if you just came here to tell me about this then I suggest, we just close the topic and go home.
Cal wanted to leave when Melanie grab his wrist.
Melanie: No...sit down.
CaL: Melanie..I'm not your dog anymore.
Melanie: Since when you are my dog?
Cal: I'm not gonna follow whatever you think I should do anymore.
Melanie:Cal, I just want to talk to you. I know right now, you are very depressed. Just tell me how you feel. You can always tell me.
Cal sit down again. He look at Melanie's eyes.
Cal: I...I really don't want her to get married with Johnathan.
Melanie: Then why let her?
Cal: Because Johnathan is a great lover and a better husband than I am.
Melanie: Did God says that?
Cal kept quiet again.
Melanie: are making conclusions out of yourself but you don't listen to other people's opinion. Example like Jamie. Do you really think that she will be happy? And are you gonna be happy? Probably she is just marrying Johnathan is because of you. You wanted that and in order to make you happy, she is marrying him. But that's not the both of you wanted. And think about John's side. If he knew all of this, do you even think that he will be happy?
Cal: Then what you want me to do?
Melanie: Marry her.
Cal: It's too late Melanie.
Melanie:Yeah, of course it is too late. Because you're just too stupid.
Cal: Yeah, I am. I'm the one always causing problems to happen.
Melanie: Can you just think of yourself for once?
Cal: Look, she's already getting married okay?
Melanie: I know. There's still at least something you can do.
Cal: Which is?
Melanie: Tell her your feelings.
Cal:No. I will not.
Melanie: Why not?
Cal: Look Melanie. I'm tired. I wanna rest okay? Just go home. We'll talk another time.
Melanie: Alright. Fine.
Cal: Let's go.
Then Melanie and Cal went home. When they reach Melanie's house...
Melanie: Thanks for sending me home.
Cal: No problem.
Melanie: You know, I...
Cal: What?
Melanie: Nothing. Goodbye.
Then Melanie came out of the car and started to walk to her house.As for Cal he just drove away.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Taking bus to college.

Hi guys. Now I'n the library doing nothing and using the librry's computer. Waiting for my class to start. Anyway, it's been so damn long I've use this computer in the library. NO changes. Still same. SLow and suck as always. Just now I took the bus and it is really sooooooooo not my type. I couldn't sleep and it was soooo narrow. Now I'm so fucking sleepy. Probably will be sleeping later. Anyway, so glad that I don't need to take the bus all the time. I'll still be driving.
Man, this really suck a lot. Well, class almost starting already. Got to go. Wonder whether Herman will be calling me or not later. HOpefully he is okay. Reallt worried about him. Bye guys.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Love Story Chapter 53

Kring! Doorbell ringing. It was after college and it was later in the evening around 5 at Cal's house.
Cal thinking: Whose that?
He walk to his door and opened it up.
Melanie: Hi.
Cal was stun. But he manage to say...
Cal: Hi.
Melanie: Can I come in? Or are you going to let me stand in front of your doorstep?
Cal: Oh..sorry. Come on in.
Melanie: Thanks.
Melanie came in and sit down on the couch.
Cal: Do you need anything?
Melanie: Yes, I need you to sit down here next to me.
Cal: No, I mean like a water or anything.
Melanie:No, I'm cool but I need you to sit here.
So Cal sit down next to her.
Melanie: Actually, I came to apologise.
Cal: Apologise?
Cal looks confused.
Melanie: Yeah, about you know, this morning. The guys...they...
Cal: Oh, that. It's okay. I don't mind. But it is really weird that you are apologising for them.
Melanie: Sigh, you always think of me at the bad side do you?
Cal: Huh? No, I didn't mean that.
Melanie: I'm changed. I already have a boyfriend. He changed me. I really don't know how silly I was lastime.
Cal; Hmm, not only you. Me too.
Melanie: You should thank Jamie for changing you. t's hard to do that.
Cal keep quiet. Then Melanie look around the house and then she started to talk.
Melanie: It'e been a long time since the lastime I came. How long has it been?
Cal: I don't know. Few months?
Melanie giggle.
Cal: Why are you giggling?
Melanie:Nothing.Just remembering all the things that we did together lastime. I still remember. But, well I doubt that you'll remember any of it.
Cal: Who say I don't? I still remember.
Melanie: Yeah, those were sweet memories of you and me.
Cal: Melanie, I...
Melanie: Shh...don't say anything. It's already the past.
Cal: I know, but I still don't believe telling me all this and being so polite and all. After what I did to you.
Melanie smile and put her hand on Cal's shoulder.
Melanie:Hey, it's okay. I've learned a lot from my boyfriend. I can think a little now. So don't need to worry to much alright? Anyway, it's getting late. I need to go. If you need anything call me okay?
Cal: Yeah sure.
Melanie: You still keeping my number right? Or you have thrown away and flush down the toilet?
Cal: I'm not that mean you know?
Melanie:Alright. more thing. I feel sorry for Jamie. I heard what happened. Tell her I send my regards.
Cal: Yeah, sure no problem.
Cal: Yeah?
Melanie: You will find someone who is meant for you. Don't worry about it.
Cal: Thanks. I'll opne the door for you.
Melanie: No, it's okay. I'll go out myself. Bye.
Cal: Bye.
So Melanie went out. The next day, Cal went and find Melanie her ownself. He just needed to talk to her. She is just too good all of a sudden. Then he spotted her at her locker with those guys again.
Cal thinking: I think I'll just talk to her later.
But too late again. Those guys saw him already.
Guy A: Hey Cal. Where are you going?
Cal stop walking. Melanie turn and face Cal. Cal turn.
Cal: Hey guys.
Melanie: Hey.
Melanie and the guys walk towards Cal.
Melanie: You're early today.
Guy B: Hahaha. He is always early before when he was with Jamie lastime.
Melanie and the few guys look at Guy B. Then Guy B said...
Guy B: Sorry.
Melanie shook her head and then turn to Cal.
Melanie: So...why are you near my locker?
Cal: Um...actually, I came to look for you.
Guy A: Wow Cal. That's fast. Once Jamie is gonna married to another guy, you want Melanie back?
Melanie:Hey can you please shut up?
Guy A: Hey Melanie, I'm just saying the truth. And you better be careful. He might steal you away from your boyfriend.
Melanie:Alright, that's enough you guys. And it isn't funnu. Now buzz off.
Guy C: What? We were just fooling around.
Melanie:Well, if you are fooling around, I might find it funny but I don't and it is not even a tiny bit funny. Now go.
Cal: It's okay, I'll come back later.
Melanie: No, it's okay. What is it you wanna tell me?
Cal: Um...I just needed to talk to someone but it's okay. It's nothing important.
Melanie: It's okay. I mean, I can ask them to leave.
Guy C: Hey Melanie, how can you treat us like that? You are asking us to leave just because of Cal?
Melanie: Well, if you guys can stop teasing him, then I will let you guys stay but I don' think people like you will ever understand people like Cal. So go. Leave!
Guy A: Fine. Common guys.
Then the left. Melanie turn to face Cal.
Melanie: Okay. Where were we?
Cal: You know, that was not necessary.I can just leave.
Melanie:Nah, they were just jealous because I pay less attention to them at times when you're around. They'll be fine later. So, what is it?
Cal: Nothing actually, I um...wanted to tell you that I appreciate what you've done.
Melanie: What did I do?
Cal; to me. I really need someone to talk too this days.
Melanie: Oh, no problem.
Cal: You really are changed Melanie. I just don't get it. You are so much different now.
Melanie: So, do you prefer now or lastime?
Cal: Well, now...I guess.
Melanie: Good, so just let it be that way then. Look, I'v e got class right about now...I'll see you around.
Cal: Alright..Bye...
Melanie: Bye.
Then Cal wantes to go to his locker. On his way, he saw Johnathan and Jamie at Jamie's locker kissing. He was so hurt but he just can't do anything. Melanie went back to her locker because she forgot to bring something but on her way, she saw Cal looking so sad and she look at his direction and she saw Jamie and Johnathan kissing.
Melanie thinking: Poor Cal. He should be very upset. I'll just talk to him after my class.
Then Cal just walk away and to his locker.
sET By
-Jessica Tan -

A terrible holiday.

Man. What a holiday. I was suppose to go on a holiday with my sis and dad to Johor Bahru and from there to Singapore. And then my sis was driving to Johor Bahru. I think she was tired so she wanted to reach the destination as soon as possible. Then she was going at 90 at a connering and the stupid car in front of her suddenly stopped. So she can't stop as soon as possible then got bang!
After that, my sister didn't want to drive anymore. And she didn't want to go to Singapore already. So Isaac, her boyfriend, came down all the way from Subang to Muar just to pick her up. And my leg hurts. I was actually gonna sleep until that accident, and my sis brake so hard until my leg hit the centre thing. The armrest for the front drivers. Now my leg is like a little of blue black there. But I'm fine. Just painful if touch it.
That time I was like so scared to even move from the car. But my sister should be more terrified than me but I know my sister is a little tough and all. She could handle it. And well, now, my dad's car is in Johor there and now we left with my car. The kancil. So now, I have tolerate with my sis about the car. Sigh, kinda hard. I just bought the bus ticket and looks like I've got to take bus like old times which is very bad. Cause right now, I'm in semester 5 and I have no time to be waiting the bus or even go back early. Actually, the bus ticket is like so bluddy expensive. They should provide more bus and then only charge to this type of ammount. I mean, RM 140, how much is that man? Stupid lim kok wing. Only know how to eat people's money to build nothing but a piece of junk. All the things especially the fitofly, that's not even for us to use. Whose gonna use it anyway?
Sigh, it's kinda good also ler that I got to tolerate with my sis. Makes me and my sis relationship a little more closer but not yet talk to her about tomorrow. Feel sorry for my dad. Wish I can do something. If only I won that 1 million ringgit from that hitz fm then can ler.
Oh yeah, about Herman. I think my feelings towards him has decrease. While I was in Johor Bahru, I have no idea whether is he telling me the truth, but he told me he tried calling me but can't reach. But anyway, he said again and again which is so boring that he has no money to call me just now and yesterday. I feel sorry in a way for him. I want to borrow him money but I'm scared to borrow people money. Especially malays. I know that I told you guys that I loved him so much lastime but then, now, I feel like our relationship is like fading far away and we are more apart. As for Andrew, we are closer. I mean, feel so much better when he calls me up that day. You see, even Herman don't even noe about the accident until after it happens. I hate it when my boyfriend don't even know what happened to me. Just now I called up Reney to pass the phone to Herman. He said he hasn't eaten for 2 days. I told him to borrow money from Reney and then go eat. I don't want to see him suffering. I really want him to feel happy and wamt to borrow him money but come to think of it, my family is also struggling for money. Now including the accident somemore. Sigh. Really a bad year.
Well. love life is nothing for me anymore. Concetrate on studies more now. I mean, my studies right now, is really really bad. I can feel it myself. I'm so lost right now. Just now my lecturer was like telling me to draw this and then that and then this. And he changed almost our story. I was like shit. What the heck? I mean, 2 lectures said 2 different thing. Who are we suppose to follow dammit? I'm like so frustrated over the accident already man! Can't lecturers make our life even more easier? It is like making it more worse. And they said they are there for us. There to make things complicated got la.
Later got to practice of the presentation of that Titan Ae 2. Hmm, wonder what will it be like tommorow. I was thinking that after what happened at the accident, this presenting thingie is lile nothing. Tommorow, I'm just going to talk and talk like nobody's business. Anyway, I wish I can see Andrew and Herman today. I really hope that Herman is okay. Please hope he is okay. I miss him so much. Andrew of course miss him like crazy. Ok la. I think better pen off now. Hope my dad has cook. I am so damn hungry now. Ok, ciao people.