Sunday, November 13, 2005

HOLIDAY! Woo hoo! But love is the problem now!

Sometimes, I really don't want to have a boyfriend. It is really a very irritating and annoying thing. I hate it a lot! I mean, when you have a boyfriend, you need to make sure that you treat him right,treat him the way it should be. And you got to worry so many things. And also you got to think whether whatever you do will make him angry or not and this and that and all those bullshit things la.
In my opinion, about that guy I love, well, I don't know. I know that I don't really have that feeling that I love him anymore. It is just that, we are drifting so far apart. And the bad thing is that I tried to talk to him but he like ignoring me and stuff. Okay fine, I know that he is having exams and stuff and I know that he is bluddy damn busy but for me, can't he just like spare a little time to talk to me and answer the questions that I'm asking him?
As for Jeremy, my relationship with him also not going very well, because of his exam. He has no time for me. Well, I can understand that but still, I'm kinda upset. I'm just afraid that my relationship with Jeremy as a bestfriend will get ruin. You know like, we will feel awkward when we go out together to yarm char after his exam. Not sure whether he can go out with me also or not. Don't know will he even call me to go out.
I really did asked myself that day. When I saw Chris in the cell. I asked myself, that I really don't want anymore guys to hurt me. And I don't want to trust anyone accept for my bestfriend and my family. Now, GOD and my family really meas a lot to me. Friends come second. I've learn so much things from GOD. And it is like, I want someone in my life to be beside me. But not only friends. I want more than that. I seriously want a boyfriend. Even my mom is asking me to find one. It is not that I don't want to find. I can't. All the guys that I find is younger than me. And all the guys that I like which is the same age or older, all also has no feelings towards me. It is like that. I guess I'm destined to be with someone that is young.
I want someone that can drives me around and cares for me. That's really good. I mean, for a change. I'm sick of driving guys here and there. I don't want to be the only person always taking my boyfriends here and there. That sucks. Why all the guys that I know can't drive. It is either no car or either, no license. That really suck a lot. I'm a girl. I don't want to be all the time to be driving my guys here and there. That's jsut so shameful. Actually I don't care about the face, is just that I care about me. I don't want. I just had it with me fetching them and stuff. I want a change. Any car will do. Just that I want them to fetch me.
Like what I said, I don't want to be hurt by any guys now. And I won't let them do it. The guy that I like now, well, just let it be la. Coz right now, I also don't feel hurt at all. I'm just dissapointed but I'm not showing desperate.
And Jeremy>>> I hope that you can do good in your STPM. And don't worry about it because I know you can do it. You know why? Coz GOD is watchin and guiding you throughout the whole test. You may not see him but he is with you. Trust me with this. And I really really miss you. I really do miss you a lot. Just feel like we are not bestfriends anymore. Sigh. Really sad this few days. You know, I hope that you can say that you miss me and al lthe days we've been spending together but I know you won't do that. You won't say that. You never will say. Even if it's a force. Sigh. Just wish you good luck in your STPM ler. Hope you will not forget me.
Well, I'm on holiday now. And well, kinda happy. But sadly also got nothing to do. But was actually thinking on working and get some money. Hehehe. But then, kinda scared also. I scared about the tiredness I will face. Which may be a lot. And also, I saw my sister's hands was like wow, spoil already her skin. And that;s bad. I don't want my hand to be like that. Dah lah, I'm already not pretty. I need to be perfect man. Sigh, who am I kidding? I will never know until when will I be single this time. But I got a feeling it's going to be a long time. Well, got to go off now. Ciao!