Friday, September 30, 2005

Love Story Chapter 43

Jamie was just standing there looking like Cal. There was a moment of silence. Johnathan came in the picture.
Johnathan:Cal?
Cal: Oh..hi Johnathan.
Then Cal look back at Jamie and said...
Cal: May I come in?
Jamie: Huh? Oh ...um..sure. Sorry.
So Jamie move a side so that Cal can make his way through.
Jamie thinking:
Okay, both of the guys are here. I just need to act normal. I'm already engaged. Just get over it.
So Jamie close the door and went to the living room. She lead Cal and Johnathan there.
Jamie: Take a sit. Um...honey, do you want anything to drink?
Johnathan: Nah..I'm cool.
Jamie: Okay, what about you Cal?
Cal: I'll just need a glass of water...thanks.
Jamie: Okay.
So Jamie went to the kitchen while Johnathan and Cal were talking.
Johnathan: So err... what brings you here?
Cal: Nothing...um..I just wanna see how Jamie is doing...You know since her sickness is getting pretty serious.
Johnathan: Yeah, I know but I rather not talk about it.
Then Jamie wanted to go outside of the kitchen when...
Cal: You know, I...I think I'll come to your wedding.
Johnathan: You will?
Jamie thinking: He will?
Cal: Yeah.
Johnathan: Wow, what make you change your mind?
Cal: Nothing...um...just...well, I wanna do somethign for Jamie. I want to be there. I'm her bestfriend you know. I'm sure she wants me to be there. But, there's one problem.
Johnathan:What is it?
Cal: Is it okay if I don't have the invitation card as a prove?
Johnathan: It is okay. Just call me..I'll be there.
Cal: Okay.
Then Jamie smile to herself and was very proud of Cal. So shen went out of the kitchen and into the living room.
Jamie: Here you go.
Cal: Thanks.
Johnathan: Hey, dear..I need to use the bathroom.
Jamie: Okay..but can you use the upstairs bathroom? The downstairs bathroom is being fixed.
Johnathan: Sure no problem. In your room?
Jamie: Yeah...in my room.
Johnathan: Okay.
So Johnathan went upstairs. Cal and Jamie was the only one left there in the living room. They were not talking...Suddenly a few minutes later...
Jamie & Cal: I....I just...
Jamie: (Giggle)
Cal: You go first.
Jamie: Okay. I just wanna say that I'm proud of you.
Cal: You are?
Jamie: Yeah...about coming...to..my wedding day...
Cal: Oh..that...yeah...I mean, in order to make you happy right?
Jamie: Yeah....so what you wanna say?
Cal: Nothing...I just wanna see how are you doing?
Jamie: Oh....
Cal: I'm sorry..I shouldn't have..
Jamie: No, no...it's okay.
Cal: Is it.....................bad?
Jamie: Not really. Actually, to tell you honestly, I'm kinda scard sometimes.
Cal: Don't worry. I'm here...
Then Jamie look at Cal.
Jamie:You'll be here?
Cal: Um, I mean, Johnathan will be here. So you don't need to worry.
Jamie knows what actually Cal wanna say but she just keep her mouth shut. Then at Jamie's bathroom, Johnathan came out. Then when he wanted to go out from Jamie's room, a book fell off from Jamie's desk and landed open on the floor. So Johnathan went there and pick it up.
Johnathan thinking: Oh. It is her diary.
Then when he wanted to pick it up and put it back, something caught his eye.
Jamie's diary: Dear diary, I already confirmed that I will marry Johnathan but....there's something still that can't get out of my mind. It is Cal. I...I love him. I suddenly love him. I love him after that day when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I don't know what is going on anymore. Looks like the more I wanna forget about Cal, the more it makes me love him. My marriage with Johnathan is coming and I don't want to lie to him. I like him but I love Cal. My feelings for Cal is stronger. And I know after I marry Johnathan, I won't be able to see Cal that much already. That will be much better. I think I'll just go on with this marriage thing. I need to stop thinking and seeing Cal. Sigh..but before I go, I really wanna say that I love him. "Cal, I love you forever"
After Johnathan read that, he feels as if he was being stupid to give Jamie another chance and he is being used. Jamie is agreeing this marriage stuff is because she doesn't wants to se Cal again. She is using this marriage thing as a tool. But she don't really love him. Her love for Cal is way much more than hew love for him. Johnathan close his eyes and take a deep breath. Then he went down the stairs. He can't really take it anymore. He is not going to see Jamie anymore.
Johnathan thinking: That's what she wants isn't it? Since she can't really live long, I'll just cancel the marriage so that she can be with her Cal. Why always must be Cal? Argh!!!
Then he reach downstairs and saw Cal and Jamie laughing. Then both of them notice him.
Cal: Oh hi Johnathan.
Johnathan: Don't hi me.
Then Johnathan took his bag and wanted to go. Jamie stand up and grab his hand.
Jamie: Hey where are you going?
Johnathan turn and said...
Johnathan:Somewhere that you won't be seeing me anymore. AnD Jamie, the marriage is off.
Then Cal look at Jamie. Her face was pale as if she saw a ghost.
Cal: Hey, what the hell? Johnathan. don't you know how much that marriage means to Jamie?
Johnathan: Hmph, of course I know. She wants to get married to me so that she won't be able to think so much about you.
Cal: What? What are you saying?
Johnathan: Asl her.
Jamie: You....you read my diary?
Johnathan: Why? Until when you wanna hide this stuff from me?
Jamie: You are not suppose to read my diary.
Johnathan: I didn't purposely read your diary. It fell off from your desk open so I wanted to pick it up but it landed right at that spot. Looks like GOD wants to help me.
Jamie: But...still, you shouldn't have read...
Johnathan:Look whatever it is, you are in the wrong now. I don't want to ever see your face again. Goodbye.
Jamie shout: Wait Jonathan! Wait!
Then Jamie hug him so that he can't go.
Jamie crying: Please. Don't. I can't lose you.
Johnathan struggle. He turn to Jamie.
Jonathan: Stop crying Jamie. That won't work. You don't really love me. The person you really love is that guy at the back of you.
Cal heard that of course.
Jamie shout: NO!!No!! It is you.!!!
Johnathan: Oh common. You put it in your diary so clearly. I know what I read. Don't fool me anymore.
Then Johnathan wanted to walk away. Jamie said...
Jamie: What does this means?
Johnathan: The wedding is off, I won't be seeing you anymore and please don't come looking for me. And...we are through.
With that, he just went off leaving Jamie standing there looking at him.
END OF CHAPTER 43
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I hate him so much...GO FUCK OFF LA YOU FAGGOT!!

Message to faggot(Chris)
What the hell? Okay. I think he won't be reading this but anyway, why must he eat in front of me? To show that he has a girlfriend? Okay, there was Ling Wei, yin yin and chee keng with him plus thie girl, or should I say bitchy girl because she was wearing make up and I bet that girl is not from his class. Even if she is, she would be new.But anyway, Argh, if that girl is his girlfriend, I'm gonna scream my lungs out because I....okay, fine, I admit that I'm jealous but....hellloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Don't he even think about me? (Who am I kidding)he wouldnt wanna care about my feelings so much but, hey, I'm already hurt phsically from the outside by my cut and the inside from him TWICE(not to mention) How many times he wanna hurt me? Billion times? Helllloooooooooo, by right, I should get a boyfriend first than him. He is just a stupid asshole faggot that doesn't know what is love. He doesn't!! Yeah, he will be nice in front of you but if you become his girlfriend, it will never last. NEVER! Aww, common, if that girl is not his girlfriend, they won't be sharing the ice-cream together and he wouldn't teman her to go and but ice-creaM. I mean, can't she go by herself? Lastime when I was with him, I gotta go and buy my own food.
Man!!! I hate that bluddy asshole. GO HELLLLLLLL!!I will message him to tell him straight to not infront of me. I promise that I will message him. If he ever does it again.

Monday, September 19, 2005

My worst nightmare, only it is real.

Argh..I'm retarded!! Just joking. Anyway, my thumb is retarded. Well, this what happened. Actually, I was cutting this board for my stupid project, and then I think the blade slipped and accidentally cut my thumb. Then I was like so panicked. I called Andrew. And then this Andrew continue help me cuy my board. Argh, so I just like go to the toilet and wash my cut but...waaaaaaaaa........it never stop. And it was so damn bluddy painful. Then there's thusi girl came out from the toilet and saw my cut. So she asked me to put a tisue on my thumb and then go to the clinic. So I went. And when I went there, they did the dressing lor. After that the doctor gave me an injection...Waaaaaaaaaaaa..My worst nightmare man, today.Seriously.
But I can't really think about anything but my thumb. Sigh... Couldn't think about anything. Not even him. But now, the pain subsided. So can think a little bit about him.. Well, I told him about my wound...Well, I don't know whether was he very concern or just like concern a little. Well, of course got concern a little. But I was expecting a lot. But...sigh, don't know la. I don't know should I continue liking him or just ty to slowly get rid of this stupid feeling of mine towards him. Argh!!!! Nothing good is happening in me. I want someone to care for me. Especially like today and no one was there!! Not even Andrew(but can't blame him also la. Coz he was helping me doing my work) But the person who I really wish was there with me is the guy I like.Just now I tell him about my thumb, he didn't care that much but he said that the guy was kinda useless. (Andrew) Sigh, but he didn't say this."If I'm there, I will surely be there with you until you are okay" Argh!!Why, he don't realise that I like him so much? He was the first person that I called somemore. Sigh....As I expected already ler. He doesn't like me. No hope...Seriously...But I'm not sure if I tell him my feelings, will he avoid me or will he feel the same way?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Dissappointed and sad.

Okay. Basically I'm sad because of thatguy I was talking about. Um, before that, I want to tell you my outing with Jeremy lastnight. Well, kinda dissapointed in him yesterday. He didn't talk!!!! He is going to become like Chris!!! No!!
Anyway, hey Jeremy ar, can you like be more openminded a little bit. I like when you and me were watching dark water and you know what you and me did right? That night, I feel, that we are a real bestfriend. What I mean is that, we can do anything and there's nothing to be shy about...but yesterday you were like so different. Argh. I mean, I don't want that I and you are just like going out to have tea and not having any wonderful moments together. I want at least you to you know, lean your head against mine. Like what you did when we watch dark water.And you know, keep me warm. But...!! I don't want me to force you. I want you to do it.(What I mean is like first move) Not me. Coz I feel if I do the first move, you won't like it ma. I mean, leaning, holding hands and all that is very very normal Jeremy but unless you have a girlfriend, then tell me then I will stop doing it. Dark water was the best outing night, eventhough that faggot kacau a little bit but it was still the best night coz you did the unexpected and I like that but not yesterday.
Okay, the point I do this(if you are wondering), is because of two reasons. One is because I want me and Jeremy to be real close and can do anything to each other because we are bestfriends, like me and Reney and there's no difference if it is a guy or girl. Point number two is because, I want someone to hold me, be there for me and you know, keep me secure. Since he is a guy that I can trust, and since he is my bestfriend that knows a lot about me, why can't I just you know, hug him and lean on his shoulder? That is just so normal. Even if I have love problems, and crying, I'm sure gonna borrow his shoulder to cry on. So what is so weird aBOUt leaning on his shoulder? Nothing right? I mean, Jeremy, (I'm talking to you right now) be like that night when we watch dark water. You know, rubbing my hand, keep me warm and hug me. Lean on my head. Ahahahaha. Your arms damn nice. Like pillow.
Well, lastime I know he feels awkward about hugging me everynight after we go out together but now, he already seems normal. Of course because we do it almost all the time so JEREMY, do more often, when we go and watch show. You know what I mean la. I lazy to type again and again.
Well, sad because of that guy. Um, I don't know I feel like I want to forget about him but it is gonna be hard. The longer now I'm with him, the longer I know that he has no feelings towards me. I'm just not the one for him. Never will be and never will. Sometimes, I just wish that he'll just look at me and realise that I'm there right in front of him waiting for him to say " Jess, I'm sorry that I never realise this ealier. All this while, you are the one who is always in front of me, to give me support and be there whenever I need you. And I just look away and find another girl. But now I know, no matter how many girls I find, you are the one that is for me, because you are the one who is always with me. And now I know that you are the one for me. Jess, can you be my girlfriend?" (Okay, I know that is too much) but at least something like that.
I just want him to realise. And after friday, I know that I don't wanna lose him and I won't forget about him. But, I will try to take away the love I have for him. Coz he will never realise how important he is to me and will never know that I love him quite sometimes already just that me, my ownself don't realise it until now that is. But as for him, he will never see it. He will never see that I will do almost(almost ar, not everything) for him. I love him so much sometimes that I wish I can tell the whole world. But after when I think about it lastnight, I don't want to make my love towards him becomes stronger and stronger. Because, I don't want to get hurt. I will just make it subside slowly. And I know it will. Then that time, I won't feel hurt lor. I hope he realise how much I am to him before my love subsides.
As for Allan, sigh, sad case. Nevermind la. Just forget about that fella. I don't want to talk about him. All he care about is his photo's. AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE.!!!Well, anyway, I wanna go now.
Jeremy ar Jeremy, do it ar. I will feel happy(that is if you want to make me happy la) Okay, ciao ciao...Sleepy...

Friday, September 16, 2005

Love Story Chapter 42

The next day, Jamie was walkin with Johnathan to the school and Jamie actually can't wait to go to school to give them the invitation to her friends. Not long after that Jamie reach the college with Johnathan and they spotted their friends one by one and they started distributing the invitation card. Then after that they went to their class and started to distribute again, then suddenly, Jamie saw Cal walk past her class. She quickly run outside from her class. Johnathan saw her running of course. So he followed her outside and see why is she so in a rush.
Johnathan thinking: Oh...coz of Cal.
With that, he just went in the class. Then at Jamie...She was running and chasing Cal.
Jamie shout: Cal! Cal!
But Cal pretend to not hear and jsut continue walking fast.
Jamie thinking: Hmph, I know he heard me. He is just trying to avoid me. That's what he thinks.
Then Jamie run faster. Then soon after that, she catch up with him. She grab his hand. Cal stop walking. He turned but before Jamie can say anything, he started saying...
Cal: I'm not going. Stop following me.
Jamie: I told you before ...(huff puff) that I will pass it on to you(huff puff) that means I will.
She handed the card to him. Cal just crossed his arms.
Jamie:Please Cal. Don't be stubborn.
Cal shout: Stubborn!? Me? Stubborn!? I thought you are the one who is stubborn! You went and married someone thaT you don't even have any true feelings towards him.
Jamie shout:What!? How could you say that? I love him and what do you know about what is love al about? You don't even know anything about me!
Cal shout: What!? I don't know anything about you!? If I don't know anything about you, I wouldn't know that you have that...
Then Cal just calm down himself and stop talking. Cal look at Jamie. She was looking on the ground.
Cal thinking: I knew it. I hurt her again.
Cal: Jamie...I'm sorry.
Jamie: Nevermind. You were never sorry.
Cal: What? What did you say?
Jamie look up at him and said...
JAmie shout: You were never sorry before!! There's no difference now!
Cal open his mouth and wanted to say something but...
Jamie: So you won't come right? So I guess this card is just a waste of time. Might else well just...
Then without thinking twice, she just tore it. Cal hold her hand in order for her to stop tearing the card.
Cal shout:Jamie! WHat are you doing!?
Jamie shout: What!? You are happy right? I'm tearing the card so you won't be able to think too much and come!
Then she continue tearing it into more pieces and Cal hold her hand even more tighter plus he hold her shoulder.
Cal shout: Jamie! Stop!
Then both of them look at each other. Cal look at her.
Cal thinking: Man. Why must I always hurt her? I love her so much but I'm hurting her so much.
Cal: Jamie...I..sigh...I just don't want to go because I don't want to get myself hurt. Understand? I wanna forget all the past about us and forget about what I feel for you and continue with my life and continue on with my life. Please...
Jamie: I'm not asking much Cal. I just want you to come.
Cal: Sigh...I know.
Jamie: I know. I now I will hurt you...but among whoever will be there, I wish you are the one who willbe there..
Cal: Well, the card is torn.
Jamie: Um...it doesn't matter. You just need to know the venue and the time. Come, let me write down...
And so she did. But in Cal's heart, he really don't want to go.
Cal thinking: But in order to make her happy, I need too. Especialy if I really really love her.
Not long after that, she went back to her class. Johnathan saw her. And was observing her face at the same time.
Johnathan thinking: She looks happy. I guess Cal is going after all. Hmm, good.
Then after school, Johnathan walk with Jamie to her house. Then soon, they reach her house. Johnathan seat doen on the cusion.
Jamie: You want anything honey?
Johnathan: Nah. I just want you to sit here next to me.
Then Jamie giggle and sat beside Johnathan. She lean on his shoulder and he put his arms around Jamie's back. They were cuddling quite sometime when Jamie's door bell rang.
Jamie: Hmm? I wonder whose that.
Johnathan:Yeah. It is interrupting our romantic session.
Jamie smile at him an get up.
Jamie: Don't worry. Whoever it is, it won't take long. I will get rid of him/her.
Then later on, Jamie open the door. She was shock to see...
Jamie: Cal?
Johnathan thinking: Cal? Cal is here? What is he doing here?
END OF CHAPTER 42
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

What la. So angry. How can he even forget my birthday. So called bestfriend. Ceh, I thought he will know everything about me. Maske me feel so disspointed only. Sigh. Serious he forgotten? Man. My birthday is on the 16th? Never even tell me the month. And the date is sooooooo wrong. Argh!!! He makes me so angry only.
Now he just message me and tell me my real birthday. Haihz, what la. He said he mix up my birthday with his pet sis. Two different type of personality girls also can mix up. What la. He asked me who I like wor. I like 2 guys. Hehehehehehe. This is a secret between me and myself. Ahahahaha. I like my model ler. Allan and one more person. This one really cannot tell. Mysterious. Ahahahaha. Somtimes I got a feeling that Allan likes me. And I'm beginning to miss him a lot. Like on monday, he sms me and said to me that he can't join me for shooting and I striaght away was so damn bluddy sad. Then later he called me and said that he wanna eat lunch with me and my friends. Wow, I was so bluddy happy. And then I think to myself. He has so many friends, why must he eat with me? And not to say I was super close with him. Well, anyway, we went and eat. After eating, he told me that he don't wanna go class. And I asked him not to go and he keeps on asking me whether should he go class or not. So I said, 'up to you lor, your class ma" Ater that, it keeps me wondering. Why must he ask or my opinion? It is his decision ma. Then he said" If you don't want me to go, I won't go lor. Not to say that class very important also" That sentence when he said' if you don't want me to go, I on't go' keeps me wondering like I'm his girlfriend. I was so bluddy happy man. Then when we finsih eating, he said he got appointment with the hair studio department and I don't want him to go but I can't show that I'm so desperate. So I said "ok la...bye bye" Then he said bye bye. So I walk with my friends, Then after that, he came back to me again. I was so shock and asked him" eh, what you doing here" Then he said, "oh, nothing la. Just wanna say bye bye'. Then I wonder, didn't I jsut said bye just now?: Then he ask me " you think what? Why I come back here? I just want say bye bye" Then I say, "oh, okay. Bye bye." And this time, he really did go away. And that time, I got a feeling he didn't want to leave me. Buahahaha.
The other guy is mysterious, cannot tell. And this guy is muh more closer. I know him quite long already. But I can't get to see him a lot of times.But I don't miss him so much like how I miss Allan. I just like to hang out with this guy. Probably because I just know that this guys is super blur and don't know that I like him no matter how close I am with him and no matter what we do together. So, I just talk to Jeremy and he said I should just stay as friends with this mysterious guy of mine. I know. I onyl he knew that I like him so much. If only he knows my true feelings towards him. Sigh. I'm really waiting for God to send someone to me. But I just don't know. Feel very sad. I feel sad to let him go. I'm so sure after he has a girlfriend, I will not forgive myself and breakdown quite hard. Maybe I won't even eat. Coz this guy, is always with me, whenever I need problems, He knows everything about me but...there's just one thing. He don't know that I like him. Wow, seriously, he told me one day that he likes someone and that someone has found her love one. And he was so sad that time. Eventhuogh he didnt show it, I know he is very sad. Sometimes when he said that no one wants him, I just want to tell him that I'm there for him. Sometimes he said that he sick of being single, I just want to tell him that I would be with you until you find someone you truely love. But, it is just that the words can't come out. Now one of my assignment already finish, I can think a little bit of my love life. Now when he has no one in his life yet, it will make me so much better to tell him my feelings but just like what Jeremy said that it would ruin my relationship with him. I don't want that. So like what Jeremy said, let him go. Forget about him. How? Especially when I'm too in love with him. Haihz. I just know it and have the feeling that he doesn't like me. Man, this sucks a lot.
Well, all I know is that, I should just act as if it is nothing an just wait till he tells me that he likes me. (Which it won't happen) I wanna go cry now. So sad. Sad life!!!!!!!!!!! SOBBING!!!!!!!

Love Story Chapter 41

Cal keep on changing his channel in the television. It was tuesday afternoon. He was in his house all alone watching television. He can't believe what happen in the morning. What did Jamie told him was not real at all. He keep on remindin himself that it is just a dream but it is for real.
Cal thinking: No...no..this is just a dream. It can't be real. Man....I'm....just too late.
The next day, Jamie was walking to college with Johnathan. They weren't talking.
Jamie thinking: Hmmm, silly boy. Why isn't he talking to me? Is it because of the marriage thingie?
Johnathan thinking: Hmmm, I wonder should I ask her for the answer now or later?Or should I just give her more time to think about it?
Jamie: Dear?
Johnathan woke up from his dream.
Johnathan: Yes?
Jamie: Are you okay?
Johnathan was observing Jamie properly. He can see there's a look of concern. She really really love him...but why isn't he feeling relieved instead of worrying that Jamie will reject him.
Johnathan: Yeah, I'm fine. Why?
Jamie: Sigh, I don't know. It is not just like you...to you know, don't talk.
Johnathan stop walking and hold Jamie's hands...
Johnathan: I'm sorry.
Jamie was confuse.
Jamie: Sorry for what?
Johnathan: For not talking.
Jamie giggle.
Jamie: Nah, it's not such a big deal anyway. Um...baby, about...the marriage thing,..
Johnathan straight away look up at Jamie.
Jamie: My answer is yes. I will marry you.
Johnathan almost wanted to faint.
Johnathan thinking: Is this a dream?
Johanthan: Are...you sure?
Jamie just nodded her head.
Johnathan was so happy. Then he hug Jamie and turn her around. Jamie was happy too. Not long after that, they reach school. Johnathan told his friends and same goes to Jamie. But the person she really wanna find is Cal. He needs to find him and tell him the good news.
Jamie thinking: But...it will be a bad news to him.
After a few minutes, she saw Cal walking towards the cafeteria. She wants to catch up with him. So Jamie went to Johnathan.
Jamie: Baby, you go on ahead to class first. I want to tell Cal the good news.
Johnathan: It's okay, I'll go with you.
Jamie: Erm, dear, can I do this alone? I really really wanna tell him on my own.
Johnathan: Is there something you wanna hide?
Jamie: Of course not. You don't believe me?
Johnathan just look down.
Jamie: Baby, if you don't believe me, how are we gonna get married? We need to trust each other.
Johnathan: You're right. I'm sorry. You go ahead. I'll meet you in the class.
Jamie: Okay. Bye...
Johnathan: Bye.
Then Johnathan gave Jamie a quick kiss on the lips and then Jamie and him went off each of where they wanna go. Jamie went in the cafeteria. He spotted Cal there. So she went there. Cal's back was facing her.
Jamie: May I join you?
Cal turn and look up.
Cal: Jamie?
Jamie: May I?
Cal: Sure.
So Jamie just sit down next to him. They weren't talking. al was just drinking his coffee. He didn't even look at her.
Jamie: Cal, I came here to tell you something. Something that you already know and don't wanna hear.
Cal: I know.
Jamie: I'm really engaged now.
Cal:....
Jamie: I know..I know you hate me now. But I really hope that we can remain as bestfriends. I...will really miss you.
Cal: Whatever.
Jamie: You are angry at me aren't you?
At last Cal turn to face her.
Cal: What do you think? Will I be angry?
Jamie look down.
Jamie: Sigh...I know. But I really hope you understand me and understand what is love. Love can't be forced and to tell you something, you are a great bestfriend.
With that, she stand up and wanted to talk away but she stopped and said...
Jamie: Johnathan and I are going to print out the invitation card soon. I will pass it on to you.
Cal: Forget it. I won't be attending to see the girl that I love is marrying someone else.
Jamie: I will pass it on anyway. And I hope you will make the girl that you love happy and that is to come to her wedding day. I really hope among anyone who will be there, I wish you will come. And if I see you there, I will be the most happiest and the most luckiest girl in the world.
She started walking a few steps and said...
Jamie: I will always love you Cal, as my bestfriend. Hope you will understand.
With that, she walk away. Cal just drink his coffee. That same day, Jamie went back to her house and write her diary. Johnathan is coming to her house to discuss with her about the marriage stuff. DING DONG! Her doorbell ring. She open her door.
Jamie: Hey baby.
Johnathan: Hi..can you help me take this bag?
Jamie: Sure...wow. So many things.
Johnathan:Of course. I got to make sure this marriage works. I want to make you the msot happiest girl of all.
Then they count the nu,ber o invitation card they are going to print.
Johnathan; Alright so all together is 85 people right?
Jamie: Let's make it 86.
Johnathan: Whose the extra person?
Jamie: Cal.
Johnathan: But I thought you said he isn't coming?
Jamie: Just incase.
Johnathan: Do you know that we need to put out more money?
Jamie: It's okay. Common John, he is my bestfriend.
Johnathan: Alright. Anything for you.
Jamie thinking: I really hope he won't be that stubborn and come.
END OF CHAPTER 41
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Help and confuse.

Hi all. Um, wow, quite sometime already I am by myself whole time especially in college. I'm talking about Chris. No more him. Serious shit. I have enough problems to worry about and not to mention confuse too.This thinking have occured to me. Especially after that saturday.
Okay, to tell you people out there, I don't want to like back the same person once I and that person are not meant to be. My sister and Eugene likes to say that my own bestfriend likes me? Omg, that's just nonsense. We are soooooooooo close because we are besrfriends. ROAR, nothing much more than that. They said that it will turns out to love. Please la. if I don't feel it that way, how can it turn to love?After I said that, they asked me to stop hugging him and stuf if not, he will get the wrong idea. Really? Hmmm, I guess I need to talk to Jeremy about this. But he seems normal about this and not to mention he is already sad in a way because of a girl. I don't want him to be sad because of me. ESPECIALLY ME! But I know that he is a very open minded person and won't think negative stuff like my sis and Eugene. I'm just gonna ignore them. On saturday, I gotta talk to him. And about this gurl of his. Ahahaha, Jeremy, I got advice for you.
I need help. Not about love. About my course. All of a sudden, my model said that I can do better than my other friends if I try harder. Argh, he is just making me more and more stress but I like it. I really need to try somethign different. Duh, it needs to cost a little of money. But I promise to myself that I spend that money, I need to score. And I really am gonna score. I already got a little of courage. Better than lastnight. And about my design studies, I do so much for fucks because she never did see other's I really don't understand what the fuck she wants but anyway, I just asked her to aprooved no matter how ugly it is and she did. She asked me to modify it, and show her on friday. AGAIN!She really likes to see me EARLY IN DA MORNING!!!Hey, missie, do you know that I stay bluddy far and I got to drive there early in the morning just to see you and then you will either reject or change whatever I have done? FUCK MAN! You think I'm so free izzit? Go fuck off la. Damn hate her man. Well, sorry la but I thought of scoring her subject but I changed my mind. I have no idea what am I good at right now. I'm trying to improove. Really and a lot of people said I am improoving. Sigh, hopefully what they say is true la. An also I hurt myself a lot lately. Phsically. Just now afternoon, my finger was bleeding but now it is okay already. Sigh, it is just a small injury but please pray for my safety especially driving to college because I seriously scared that due to my clumsiness, I will have an accident. Okay la, wanna go liao.
As for the love story maybe next week only I will update. Sorry about the inconvenience. Adios. Please pray for me people. I really need it and appreciate it. Hopefully I can survive throughout this course.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Why do you care so much!!!?

Memo to Chris...Wow, someone wanna slap me wor. I'm so scared.. Slap mar slap la.. Hey faggot, you don't know that I know ure blog all this while? If I'm nothing to you why do u fucking care? You don't give a shit about me also wat? TheN stop checking up on my life la. You have no idea that I know what you wanna write about me? You come and slap me la. You think I will cry? Go and dream. I'm not like lastime already ler FAGGOT! I'm stronger than u think. You are a disgrace to christian. Calling ureself to be a christian is a disgrace. I'm not even sorry to say this. You are a disgrace to christians is because you are checking people's life and then backstabbed them rom behind. Why you wanna be so busy body llok at my blog when I'm not RELATED TO YOU ANYMORE. I'm nothing to you ma right? So stop cheking my blog la FAGGOT! You are dumb man. I'm nothing to you but still wanna check my blog. Are you insane? Go to tanjung rambutan la. It is near your home also. When you go and visit your family, then go there. I didn't write anything bad but you like wanna come slap me? I just wrote that I don't like you and like you. Then your ownself is the one starting this war. Remember Chris, you are the weak one now. Not me. I hate you for the rest of my life. Your morning is wrecked because of me? Well, I wanna laugh. I don't give a damn about your fucking mood. So if I'm nothing to you, then don't read mine and I won't read yours. Bye bye so called FAGGOT. And yuo like to drink? Then go drink more and get drunk more and go die for all I care. FUCK OFF LA!!!!Stop checking my blog la you faggot. I'm nothing to you so stay out of my life. Why? You got no one to check is it? Must check mine is it? I seriously wish I never met you man. Seriious. You are a so called monster to me. HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!GO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear God, forgive me for whatever I said. I say this coz I'm angry. God, I hope you can make Chris be invisible to me. I don't even wanna know him. He is a disgrace friend. A friend that I hate so much. Make him dissappear. I hate him. Please forgive me for whatever I curse. In Jesus name I pray....AMEN!

Cool and nice things I wanna share. I woke up already and thanks to Jeremy.Love ya always buddy!!

Ok, well apparently, things aren't going toooooooooo well. I know something that Chris doesn't know and he thinks that I don't know something that he knows. Well, okay, I get what he means and feel. If he thinks that I'm just too dumb or if he thinks that he is gonna avoid me then so be it.Whatever comes out from his mouth are all lies. I will never ever forgive him. He told me he regret losing a girl like me? Hmm, yeah yeah Chris whatever. If you do, then show it. Actions speaks louder than words. See who is avoiding who now. I didn't said straight to him that I want to stop fetching him to school. He is the one that go and buy the bus ticket so fast without thinking twice(confirm) and now I don't need to fetch him to college. So, if he wants it that way, then no need to fetch lor. Better!!!! Swriously, I didn't think that it was nice to go school alone and not fetching him and stuff...but Jeremy, my precious bestfriend woke me up from my nightmare. He asked me to forget about the whole thing and yeah, he is a f***t. I agree with ya.
So dumb of me to even cry for Chris. WHy must I cry? I don't like him and that's that. Well, apparently when he asked me to stop fetching him, it got me stun but I just acted cool. Inside of me was really painful and keep on wondering why. The conclusion I came up is either he wants to avoid me after that thing happened(something that you blogger don't know). You want to know, you ask me straight.Or eitherhe likes me and I keep on talking about Jeremy and make him jealous. Just a few things.
Wow, I can see Chris is soooooo angry. Soooooooooooooo angry that it makes me laugh after I knew. Hmmm, he is one weird guy. If he ever asked me again do I ever regret meeting him, I will deinitely say yes. Confirm, coz to me until now, he is a jerk. Hey, that's what he said to me. I want him to change for his own good, not for fucks. Anyway, I had a wonderful evening with Jeremy, He is really being a good friend to me and I really mean it. After I went out with Jeremy, my nightmare dissappeared. All I know that is I need friends. Friends that doesn't backstabbed me from behind and friends that cares for me. I just have Reney and Jeremy is enough. I don't need anyone else. Chris can go fly to don't know where for all I care. I'm fed up of his attitude and fed up of him. He is just a pile of shit that is always inside within me and waiting to throw away and now it is the time to do that. CHRIS, GET OUT MY LIFE AND GO GET A LIFE!!Don't ever regret your decision. Coz I know I won't You don't deserve to get a second chance from me. I will think twice before I write something. And I know what I'm writing.
My kor kor(Jimmy) in Lim Kok Wing says that when a guy says something, he don't mean it. Until he realise something special to them or something really bad happened. Isn't that stupid?I mean like, isn't that time it is already too late? Weird. I'm starting to hate guys again and thanks to Chris la. Stupid JERK! Because of him I become like that again. Well, love really sucks soemtimes. I don't want to have a relationship yet. Not yet and not so fast and definitely not with Chris and people. seriously, forget about my crush. My crush that I want to tell in 2 months time is Chris, I admit but, NO MORE. He doesn't wants me so I don't want him. For what? This guy has hurt me a lot before and I'm not gonna let the same fucking thing happen to me again. I'm strong now. Stronger than before. If he thinks that he can just avoid me like that, hah, he got another thing coming. But seriously, I'm just so happy to even write all of this out. It is like I'm screaming my lungs out to people or maybe to Chris so that he can hear!!!
Well, after he knows this(if he ever check my blog), I hope he will be happy. No one ever did force him to not like me. No one ever forced him to stop talking to me. No one ever did asked him to choose the right decision. This decision is all from his mind ma. So, I don't care la. If..........IF!!!, he got any regrets, I will be the one laughing and the only person he can blame is himself. I really wanna pray to GOD, for me to start a new life and bless Chris for he don't know what he wants. Okay, and really, my relationship with this Jerk, is over. Um, what I mean over is, well, over la. I won't be able to see him, only in cell and, who knows, silent treatment. And um, I don't want anythintg from him. Serious. I don't need him to care also. You know why? COurse who is he to me? No one!! He si nothing to me. Maybe a few hours ago I liked him back and stuff but that is just bullshit. I will never like him back. Get it? I willnever like you back. And you want a 3rd chance from me, go dream!!!Don't regret. Whewther he regrets or not, GOD knows and I hope he doesn't.
I said that I will never forgive him again right, I really mean it. Coz, 2nd chance, you don't appreciate, then so be it lor. It is either you take it or leave it. Jeremy really really woke me up. I don't know how he does it. Maybe a simple hug. Ahahahaha, we hugged soooooooooo many times just now is because I like being in his arms. It is just tooooooooo comfy like bed. Lol. No la, I mean, his arms too much meat until so soft already. He patted my head also because I asked him too. So nice. Lol, really the frist time. And then I wanted to cry but cannot. Seriously cannot. Then that time, I felt that I shouldn't like Chris. I know that I should forget about that f***t. And now, I'm awake and know what to do already. WOO hooo!!! So freee. I really wanna shout this out to Jeremy already. Thank you a lot. Chris, you're out of my life. Get out la!!! ROAR!!
Message to Jeremy.
No matter what happens, you helped me and really woke me up, I wanan tell you that I will support you all the way and never stop believing in yourself. I will never stop loving you as my bestfriend. I will love you till I die. Love ya pal always. Always forever. You are the best.
Ps: I feel like something is not right....someone is checking out on me..Hmmm....kinda want to found out who is it.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Feeling depressed and awkward after monday night!

Okay, as all of you know that I and Chris chat about our past on MSN right? And then you all also know that I and him went out for lunch on tuesday right? Okay I felt awkward on that day.Especially after that day. All of a sudden, I don't like him already. I just don't know my feelings anymore.
Weird. I know. I just well. I don't know. I feel like I can't love him for who he is. He needs to change. He just needs too. I know love is accepting that person for who he or she is but for me, I can't. I need to tell Jeremy about this. And I need to ask Jeremy what is exactly am I feeling.
I still kinda hate Chris. All of a sudden, after tuesday, especially when he asked me to stop mmoving here and there and sit still, I don't like it already. It is like we have nothing in common. I like to be cheerful, talk, and have fun. You know, childish stuff. Where else he, likes to be mature, can't really talk and likes to think things maturely. It is not wrong it is just not me. And not the Chris I know that can totally click with me anymore. Where is that Chris? I don't even know why I decided to even promised him that I'll fetch him to college and stuff. And I want him to be like that day when we went out to watch the maid. That kind of guy. TALKATIVE! Is it just me or is it Jeremy and Chris are changing? I feel so awkward now when he is with me in the car. Only the sound of the songs in my car can be heard. I don't even know what to talk about.
This is like when we are couples lastime. That is why I don't have any feelings towards him anymore. I don't like this type of guy and scared that this things is going to happen again. Which is, not talking and stuff. I hate it when I and that someone can't communicate. It irritates me. And why must I always do the talking? I want him to love me more than a friend now. And I want to love him as a normal friend. And I know he doesn't love me that way. If only he can be Jeremy, think things like Jeremy and understand me like Jeremy, I tell you, I will fall straight away into his arms. But as for now, he wants to be CHRIS, Chris, Chris then I got no choice. My feelings are already decreasing instead of going up. Maybe because I'm already fed up with his attitude. And the good part is, he is not anything to me, so I don't give a damn.
I still remember what I said. Hurt him ma. And I will. Now I'm going back to the hurting part. My feelings have actually flew off to don't know where and all thanks to who? Chris lor. If he knows this, then he better do something about it. Well, I kind of feeling better than before. SIgh, I got to face him again tommorrow but only when going home and as usual, he is going to give me the silent treatment again. Well, typical of him to do that when something goes wrong. Don't know why he is like that. Sigh, sad man. Oh yeah, Jeremy, I need a hug!!!!!Serious!!! I need a lot of hug!!!