Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Wow, amazing and funny but nice.

Okay people. Hello people..Now I'm sooooooooooooooo bored....Especially waiting for Chris and I have no idea where is he. Got to wait for him because I got to go and eat lunch and fetch him home ma. Lol.

Speaking of him, erm, there's something that I wanna share with everybody out there who is reading this. Well, I and Chris had this conversation on MSN lastnight and I actually started the conversation. Actually it is not that big deal anyway. I asked him if there's a girl who is not so clever likes you, will he accept? He said yes coz love is accepting whoever the person is. And he asked me to give an example who is not smart and I gave him the example is me and he said 'he thought so" Helllo? What does he means? That I'm not smart? Dumb or he knows that I like him? This sucks. I seriously don't want to talk so much to him about our past relationship but well, he started after that. Then he asked me whether did I ever want him back? I really was stun and don't know what to say. So I quickly asked him back the same question. He did answer me and whether is it honest from the bottom from his heart, GOD will know.
He said that he did at 1st but then now he is trying to accept me as a friend only. Ceh, get me all so excited for nothing. Well, maybe he lost hope after knowing that I have a crush on someone else. Man, I just don't know. I only have 1 crush and that is John. The guy that I really like now is Chris. And he said I'm not dumb. He don't think like that at all.And I'm so bluddy happy.
Oh yeah, I went out and eat with him lunch and well, we were like sooooooo quiet but at last we talked... Especially about yesterday stuff. Sigh, we talked about the past also ler MSN.And a lot of things lor. If only I can be with him again. But then leh, I scared that I will be hurt again. Unless he changed. He told me that he changed already but to me like no difference also.
If only he knows how I feel right this instance. Right now I feel like...wanting him so much. You know like hugging him and stuff. And also I don't know, just holding him. I miss that so much.Sigh, I really don't want him to go. Now that I already accept him as a friend, I only can be in a certain limit. I just want him to be with me, care for me and LIKE ME!!Ahahahaha. That's too much. Well, he won't even know all of this so why do I bother?
Not to say that he knows this blog of mine. Or maybe he knows? Nah, he wouldn't want to read also ler. Malas. Haihz, GOD!!!I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW! I need to know does he only treat me as a friend? Argh!! This is really killing me. REALLY REALLY KILLING ME!! BAKA! But I think he likes me back. I think so. I'm not gonna fall for him so easily again anymore. Let him make the first move if he really really likes me or love me. Ah, whatever! Hey Chris, what are you waiting for? Actually, what am I waiting for? Ah, I know, waiting for him to approach. I won't make the first move. NEVER! But until I cannot tahan then I will tell him.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Hard to accpet but trying my very best to do so which is accepting.

What the hell am I talking? Okay, I'm talking about Jeremy. I mean, all of a sudden after I fetch Reney home, he said he wants to be a good boy? Huh? *Me scratching head* I mean, he says that he don't want to fight with people anymore and also be not so talkative. I mean, that's even more weirder and BORING. I want him to TALK!!! If not, it is going to be super boring. Sigh. Serious shit man. I'm so sad right now. I just want him to talk. Is that hard? Sigh.
Jeremy ar Jeremy. If only you understand what I want. Just talk to me when you are out with me okay?Please. And oh yeah. We hugged!! Ahahahaha. That's a good start or me and him to be much more closer and I'm so happy when we hugged. It is liked I don't know, I just know that I was so proud of him. Sigh, if Jeremy read this, please change back yoursel to be talkative but don't fight with people. Combine your lastime Jeremy and the new one, then will be perfect.
Okay, ciao.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Yay. Happy at last.

Lol. Hi people. Just inish yarm charing with Jeremy and guess what. Im happy. Lol. Why you asked? Okay, basically I never write anything about what happened between me and Jeremy because I know that he will read my blog and stuff and then he will freak out so might else well I tell him ler face to face. What happen is this.
Sometimes I feel unhappy, and look down on myself because guys never say that I'm pretty and stuff(not just any other guys) Sometimes I want someone like Jeremy to say it. Not other people. Well, it will be better. It is just all of a sudden when I saw Jeremy' s blog, I felt angry. I also don't know why. Don't asked me but there is one thing I'm sure is that I DON'T LIKE HIM AND WILLNEVER WANT TO GO BACK WITH HIM, because, um, well I'm pretty sure that he won't like me and I won't like him. But I'm sure we will love each other as a bestfriend.Loving bestfriend...I love Jeremy a lot because, hehe, sometimes, he very cute and blur... Sometimes only..Sometimes he very hard to handle.Haih, but well, I wish I and him can be like Kit Siang and his bestfriend. So nice I see. But Jeremy, for sure cannot wan la.
Well, as I was saying, maybe I just don't want him to nto realise that I'm a GIRL bestfriend to him and sometimes I need compliments too. Coz I'm a girl. Lol. I mean, I want to hear nice words comign out from his mouth to me ma. Not only to other girls. Duh!
But well, he understands so, yeah, good. And I just asked him that I want to hug him, hold his hand and lean on his shoulder(sometimes la, when I feel like it) this is just like Kit Siang and his bestfriend(what I mean about holding hand is like couple type or any other type but I prefer cuople type) and I think Jeremy is a bit freaked out but don't know why is he freaked out also. But common la. I won't like him la. Bestfriends leh. No way. If got also, just a feeling of jealousy but right now, don't have la only that he never compliment me part but settle already la.. I have my own love lie and he has his. We just share each other's problems that's all. But of course I want us to be as cloas as possible especially like what I said all those hugging part. That will all will come in handy. What I mean is, bestfriends shouldn't be araid to do anything to each other. UNDERSTAND JEREMY? Lol./ My explanation. Okay ler. One day must try it out with you. Okay, bye bye...Wanna go sleep liao but got to wait or my sister. Bising la she. Eish!!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

What happened this whole week?

Ahahahahaha. Nothing happened? Well, I just went and watched Bewitched lastnight with Reney and I laugh my ass out. Reney too. And well, after that I told her lor what happened between me and Chris. And she said maybe Chris misses me. Maybe he felt guilty about lastime and misses me now and maybe later on, he would want me back. I'm not really sure about that wanting me back part. But I can sense that he misses me in some way.
DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN! I love someone younger. Okay, not love, but a crush. I have a crush on someone 3 years younger than me. What are you thinking Jessica? You are in love with a small BOy!Argh!This sucks man. How can I love someone younger? Okay, just to tell you guys the details. He is in my church and his name is John and I told Chris that he is my new target but I also don't know which one is really true. I mena, Chris is actually my target but instead I go and tell him that John is my target. I mean,I didn't tell him exactly who it was but I told him about the age and now he might lose hope on tackling me. Because well, I told him about the age thingie. But seriously, I can't think about any guys besides John when he asked me who is this guy that I have a crush on. But seriously, I don't even know whether he likes me or not. Well, this is just crazy. I mean, I don't like John. Maybe I like him as my small borther but whenever he is with me, I feel happy and just by looking at him, I will automatically smile. And when I go to church, I always hope that I will see him. I just got this stupid feeling that I don't wanna feel.
I should like someone older or same age at least but instead I'm in love with a small boy! And this saturday, my church having this outing with the youths and I'm going with Reney and Jeremy and guess who am I hoping to see there? John ler of course. Even if he don't talk to me, just by looking at him, I will smile. I find him very handsome. Not for other people but for me. And I got a feeling he likes to look at me. Just looking.
But who am I kidding? He won't like an aunty like me. I'm too old for him. He sure wil think like that since I already say that he is a small boy in my mind. But ARGH...JOHN, WHY MUST YOU BORN TO BE SOOOOOOOO CUTE!!And why you always talk to me where as other people don't? Argh. You make me so damn confused laaaaaaa!!!!! Sigh, but still, I don't put high hopes on Chris and John. This is just driving me nuts. Well, this is my updates. Only my feelings part. I'll update more later especially on what happen on saturday..Okay la..I wanna go liao...,Ciao people.. Feel so sad man...Haih, 4 no reason.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Love Story Chapter 40

Jamie off the radio. She was in her house.Then she went to her bed to sit down.
Jamie thinking: I've got to stop thinking about Cal.
Then she look at her ring. She smiled.
Jamie thinking: It is really beautiful but...I...I can't say 'yes'. I don't know why.
Then her phone rang. She pick it up...
Jamie: Hello?
Johnathan: Hey baby.
Jamie smile. Johnathan always makes her smile.
Jamie: Hi.
Johnathan: You know, I missed you so much and I'm always thinking about what you said.
Jamie was confused.
Jamie thinking: About what I said? What did I say?
Johnathan: You know Jamie, I'm scared.
Jamie: Scared? Of what?
Johnathan: Scared that you won't except me.
Jamie: Silly. Of course I will. I mean,...I need to think first.
Johnathan: I know. But...I just scared that after you think you will have second thoughts and stuff.
Jamie: That's just silly. I only have you as the love of my life. I need to tel my parents and you know, other people. I'm jsut not ready yet to answer. Please understand. And trust me, I love you.
Johnathan: Well, I know that. Guess I'm just silly to even think about this things.
Jamie: Hmm, okay.
Johnathan: Have you eaten your medicine?
Jamie: Yup.
Johnathan: Okay, good. I'll call you later at night okay?
Jamie: Sure, okay. Bye dear.
Johnathan: Bye honey. Love ya.
Jamie: Love you to.
Then she put down the phone. She went to her bed. And she saw her diary there. She smile because when she think back about what happen between Johnathan and her, she is so damn happy. So she took a pen and write.
Jamie's diary: Dear diary, today, the most shoking and happiest thing happened to me. It almost felt like a dream. Not even real. Well, Johnathan propose to me. Shocking huh? Well, I didn't exactly agreed with him yet. And I don't evenknow what am I waiting for. Maybe I'm just waiting for my feelings to him. Coz now I'm confuse between to guys. Johnathan and Cal. Well, sometimes I really wish that both guys don't know me, I feel so bad. I'm so selfish. Which guy should go with? I feel so happy being with Johnathan and Johnathan is the guy I'm with now. Cal is just my bestfriend. Doesn't mean after I say yes to Johnathan I can't spent time with him.
Maybe I should talk to Cal about this first.
So she close her diary and knew what to do first thing tomorrow. Next day, Jamie was waiting for Cal. Few hours later, she saw him. She quickly went there.
Jamie: Cal.
Cal saw her. He was shocked.
Cal thinking: I thought she would never talk to me again. After what I've done.
Jamie went to him. Before Jamie can say anyhting, Cal bust in first.
Cal: Jamie, I'm sorry.
Jamie: Sorry?
Cal: Look, I know I'm very bad to you and all. Please, forgive me.
Jamie: Cal. listen. It;s fine. I don't care. All I really care rigth now is...um...
Cal: Shh, you don't need to say anything Jamie.
Then Cal striaght away took her hand in his and said...
Cal: Jamie, I cxan't take it anymore. I'm jsut gonna hurt you more and more...but Jamie...can you be my girlfriend?
Jamie open her mouth.
Jamie thinking: What? Is this another dream? Why is my love life so full of drama. One after another. Me, my ownself can't take it too. But now, the guy that I like which is Cal, my bestfriend is asking me to be his soulmate? This is to real to be true.
Jamie: Cal, I...I really don't know what to say.
Cal: Jamie, I know you having leukemia. And I really am worried about you. Everynight I always think about you. I know you with Johnathan but Jamie, I really think that you and me are perfect for each other. Please...accept me.
Jamie thinking: This is crazy. Simple, just say no. Common Jamie, say no.
Jamie: Cal, I'm...engaged.
Cal face turns pale. It is like he has seen a ghost. He suddenly let go of her hand.
Cal: E-enga-ged?
Jamie: Yes. With Johnathan. He propose to me yesterday. But...I never said yes yet. Bercause, I'm scared that I might not be able to spend time with you. The reason I want to talk to you today is, I want you to tell me, that you feel happy for me and you will not forget me and stay the same as lastime...you know be like bestfriends till the end. I'm sure you and me...will be bestfriends for life.
Cal can't say anything. He is going to explode. What is she saying? Bestfriends? He don't want to be her bestfriend. And how is he going to be with her if her so called husband will be with her 24/7?
Cal thinking: This is a dream.
Cal: You are joking aren't you?
Jamie shook her head.
Jamie: I also thougt this is a dream when he propose to me but I got to accept the fact.
Cal: Jamie, tell me something...honestly. Look into my eyes and tell me that you love Jonathan. Marriage is a big thing. If you just go with him for fun, then don't do it.
Then Jamie look into his eyes. She felt nothing. Maybe she already made up her mind. SHe want to be with Johnathnan.
Jamie: I love Johnathan Cal. I really really love him.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Sunday, August 21, 2005

My outing with chris plus THE MAID!

It was fun! Bluddy nice. I mean the show. Outing was good. After thatwe went yarm char ma. Coz well, I didn't wanna go home yet because well, I MISS HIM! Yeah, and now talking to him. Lol, He finally asked me, any "targets" yet, and that's a good start. Lol. Well, I told him I will tell the guy I like in 2 months.(which is him) if there. Well, I realyl really fall in love with him right now. Well, hmm, kinda love him now..Well can say la. But well, he really listens to me on like what I've got to say and well, I like a guy like him but don everything like, leave it to GOD, it won't work. Well, be like me la. Of course I love GOD, I didn't say I don't. I love Him duh! But well, some problems can't always leave it to him. We got to do it ourselves. I mean, some parts..
Well, I hope he don't play hard to get. I really wanna know him very well.Seriously.And when I get to do that, is like now, and hehe, he will fall into my trap and actually me too. But I don't care..I need him to fall into my trap which is like now..Ahahahaha.Slowly slowly..Go slow...
The maid is like damn cool. In my horror movie now is like the 3rd rank.Amityville horror is still the best, then follows by shutter then this one, The maid.Well, in any case, CHRIS, I STILL LIKE YOU LEH!!NEVER CHANGE!!Argh...Why are you so blur...Argh!! Nevermind. I scream also he will never know...Well, take it slow..I will tell hiom 2 months time i no one wants me. And I will make sure he knows...Okie, gotta sleep/ Late liao. Ciaoz people..!! ^_^v Peace. Goodnight.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

BOrEd and cool stuff I wanna share!

Right now I'm so fucking bored. Nothing to do here. Just wasting my turn and lazing around that's what I'm doing right now because there's another class at 3.30 and ARGH!! Now is only 2.46. EEEish. Oh yeah, the other COOL thing I wanha share is abbout my illustration class. Wow, I mean, well, I love it, I really really love it. I mean, I seriously am in love with that subject. Well, maybe for now. Maybe I'm better in computer. Maybe I can draw better in computer than hand. Because maybe computer got colour and it can control the colour very well, where as if I draw on paper, there's no colour only if I paint it myself but it is so damn hard. Well, I think this time, my illustration is not going to be so difficult. (I hope) But well, in my opinion, I don't think so it is gonna be THAt hard. I'm still handling it quite good. Today, my lecturer showed us all the beatiful environment that our seniors did. And I WAS LIKE WOW!Hehe. Well it really was good and I wanna do something like that. Well, if you asked me, whether can I do something like that, I will say CAN! Because no matter how hard or how long I will take, animation is where you learn and got to be patient. Well, my drawing on the computer is improoving and I know that I can do it!! Well, not my computer graphics because I seriously don't understand what the heck are we supposed to do.
Well, right now in computer lab doing absolutlely nothing only writing my blog with people I don't know here. SO BORING!! If oly Afif and the rest of the gangs are here. Really miss them. Sigh. Well, I don't like Andrew that much. Well, sometimes I realyl wanna asked him. I mean, he doesn't know ANYTHING!Everytime, I got to do it for him. And what is this? A girl doing stuff to him? Man. Sometimes I feel that "oh no, I'm stuck with an idiot!" I mean, seriously. You need to at least do something. He alwayds talks big and everything saying that he knws how to do this and that but when I asked him something, he just shake his head and say don't know. BAKA(Idiot in japanese)Seriously, now I have no friends and really lonely here. Sometimes I feel that I wanan stop this course and join up another course but I alwaysa remember that I have a mision and that is to finish up my animation and of course try my best to be better than the others.
As for my love life, sigh, sad case. Yeah, more about Chris again. Well, seriously right now, I focus more on my studies instead of love. But, of course. My life, I still need to focus on my life and part of it is my love life. Well, no boyfriend, no feelings to anyone and well, no target yet. Well, maybe there's ONE target which is Chris. I really really miss him this past few days. And I don't show it to anyone. And no one knows that I liked him except for Reney and Jeremy and whoever is reading my blog. Um, well I sort of don't miss him when he is next to me but when he is not with me, I start to miss him and all those stuff. Is that called that I like him? Hmmm, well, I don't know. Someone got to tell me. And I feel kinda nervous asking him out. Maybe it is because I know that he's answer is gonna be a NO.Well. he always cannot go out wan ler. Always busy with assignments and stuff and I really have no idea what is he realy doing at home. I mean, I'm an animation student and we are more busier than you and if I can go out and spent a few hourse hanging out/chilling, why can't you? I mean, seriously, we are WAY WAY, much more busier and have no time to rest(actually) than you! Argh, the more I think about this, the more I'm angry. Because of him not having time to hang out, makes me and me broke up. That's another thing why we broke up. Lack of communication. EEISH,ROAR!
Such a total screw up man the lastime me and him went out. We waTch the Ghost Inside and I want it to be bluddy scary and it is totally not scary at all. Really not scary. Not even a tiny bit. Well, there's shocking here and there but not that nice at all. The story is ridicolous. Well, the storyline can be nice if they really improove the scary part. Because of the ghost isn't scary enough, to me, it is the same as not nice to watch. Well, I'm gonna watch the maid this saturday with either Jeremy or Chris. I'll asked Chris first but I have a feeling his answer will be a NO if not then asked Jeremy lor and I really really hope that this show is going to be much better than the Ghost Inside. Oh please man. I really hope it will be sooooooooooooooo scary. Well, that's what my sister says. Go check it out ler guys and I hope Chris can go out with me this sat but I don't want to put up so much high hopes.
Well, friendship life is going well. I have friends in the house. Not college. Well, I'm talking about bestfriends here. Well, I appreciate Jeremy and Reney's companionship. And now Reney is trying to vhange herself as I can see. Hahahaha. Well,that's good and she is willing to download for me and burn for me marmalade boy, an anime movie. And I really don't know what i'M gonna do without her and I wanna thank her so much. THANK YOU PAL!! Well, Jeremy did try his best to search but end up didn't find anything. Lol. Wel, thanks anyway.
Phew, well, this is basically what is going on this whole week and well, it is coming to be the end of the week so jsut wait for my updates ler. Lols, I'm just basically bored and got some things in mind that I wanna share especially my illustration class. So people, put ure comments, whatever your comments maybe to give me support on doing well thsi sem. I know it is gonna be tough but with my friends and your support, I really will improove. I jsut need some moral supports. Thanks ya. Alright, got to get ready for my next class and people, don't forget to check out the show, THE MAID. Coming out today. Lol! Adios people.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Raining! How am I going to go home? Nevermind la. Wait until the rain subsides. Anyway, well. today was doing photography again and well, I was going to become blind because of the flash. Well, I think the rain has stoped. So I can go home! Yippie!! Lol. Haih, about the marmalade boy..Not sure whether can or not. Haih, hopefully Foong Wan(Reney)can help me ler. I really like , no, I mean, loveeeeeeeeee that show. Okie..I guess I have to stop now. Bye bye.. Time to go home.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Love Story Chapter 39

Silence was between the both of them. Only the sound of the wind can be heard. Jamie took a step forward. She was facing down on the ground.
Jamie: I...I lied to you is because I don't want you to get hurt.
Cal thinking: What the heck? Don't want me to get hurt? Why? Why is she doing this to me?
Cal: Jamie. You don't need to care about my feelings. You are nothing to me..
Jamie finally look up and shouted...
Jamie shout: Who says I'm nothing to you!? I'm your bestfriends for goodness sake!
Cal shout: Look, I don'y think that you are after you and Johnathan went back together because you and him are always together! You only has time for him but not for me! And...I think that it is best if I just leave both of you alone. I'm only ruining your relationship with Johnathan!
Jamie can't take it anymore. She run towards Cal and hold both of his hands.
Jamie shout: No! No!
Jamie: That's not true. I really want to hang out with you. But I need to have some space with him because he is...
Cal: Your boyfriend.
Cal finish the sentence for her. Jamie look up at him. Cal continue talking.
Cal: I know Jamie. You don't need to say anything.
Then he turn and wanted to walk but Jamie was still holding his hand..
Cal: Jamie...let go.
Jamie: No. I don't want to.
Cal turn to face her. She was looking down but Cal knew that she is going to cry.
Cal thinking: Damn. I don't wanna hurt her. But...
Cal: Jamie...
Jamie: (Sniff)
Cal thinking: I just need to do it.
Cal: Jamie, I'm....I'm sorry.
With that, he stuggle and ran away. He left Jamie all alone there. Jamie didn't say anything. She was just looking at the ground. Not long after that, she broke down and cry on the ground. Few hours later, Johnathan called up Jaie just to make sure she is alright. Kring kring...
Jamie: Hello?
Johnathan: Hey baby.
Jamie: Hi.
Johnathan; Are you okay?
Jamie: Don't worry I'm fine. I already eaten my medicine.
Johnathan: Oh.. Okay. Good. Hey baby, um...I've been thinking...about something...but it might sound a little you know...shocking for you.
Jamie thinking: Hmmm? Shocking?
Jamie: What is it?
Johnathan: Um..I think I'll tel you face to face tomorrow.
Jamie: Why can't you just tell me now?
Johnathan: Well...it will show my sincerity to you.
Jamie: Huh?
Johnathan: Nevermind that. Just forget it. I'll just tell you tomorrow in school. Alright baby. I think you should go and rest.
Jamie: Okay. Bye honey.
Johnathan: Bye..
When Jamie put down the phone...she kept on thinking what is it that Johnathan wants to tell her.
Jamie thinking: Well, looks like I got to wait till tomorrow to find out.
At Cal's house, he was naging his head 18 times on the wall. He felt bad just letting Jamie over there all alone.
Cal shout: Man! I'm such a jerk! Why didnt I comfort her!? She's sick godammit!
Then he knock his head one more time. Which comes up the total to 19. He knock his head the 19th time which is so hard and he fell down.
Cal shout: Ouch!
Then he was on the floor. He sat down and didn't move for a few seconds coz it hurts. He was looking at the wall. Suddenly, he saw a vision of Jamie there looking at him smiling. When he sees that, tears started falling from his eyes to his cheeks.
Cal thinking: Jamie. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Jamie! I'm so sorry!!!!
The next day, Johnathan was waiting for Jamie at the big gate. Then he saw Jamie and was so happy. He can't wait to tell her.
Johnathan shout:Baby!
Jamie: Hey honey.
Then Johnathan kissed her lips. Jamie response it back too.
Jamie: So..what is it?
Johnathan: Come here.
Then Johnathan pull Jamie gently. They were heading to his class.
Jamie: Honey, where are we going?
Johnathan: To my class.
Jamie thinking: His class?
Jamie: Hmm, are you trying to get me alone?
Then they reach outside his class.
Johnathan: Yes: I'm trying to get you alone but...on top of that, there's something else too.
Jamie looks confused.
Johnathan: Wait here.
Then Johnathan open his class door and went in. Jamie was waiting for him outside. Then after a few seconds later, Johnathan came out.
Johnathan: Okay. You can go in now.
Jamie: You know, you are a little weird today.
Johnathan: I know. Quick, quick.
So Jamie went in with Johnathan.
Jamie: Now what?
Johnathan: You see my bag on that chair?
Jamie: Yeah.
Johnathan: Go there.
Jamie: For what?
Johnathan: You'll see. Just go there. I bet that you will like it.
Jamie thinking: Like?
Jamie:Like what?
Johnathan: Just go there Jamie. You'll know soon enough.
So she walk slowly over there.When she finally reach at the chair, she...
Jamie: GASP!
Jamie thinking: A ring?
Jamie turn around and face Johnathan.
Jamie: Dear, this is...
Johnathan: Yeah, I know. I was planning to propose to you.
Jamie:But...dear...the ring...how did you buy? I mean, it is really beautiful but where did you get the money?
Johnathan: Does it matter?
Jamie: Of course.
Johnathan: Alright. I work partime. That's why I didn't have time to spent with you. Because I was working.
Jamie: He didn't spent much time with me? How come I didn't even realise. Sigh, because I was busy thinking about Cal. I'm such a bad girlfriend really.
Johnathan: So...right now, I have enough money. So I bought that ring. I want to marry you Jamie.
Jamie didn't know what to say. She was so flattered of what Johnathan is doing.
Jamie: Are you sure you want to marry me? I'm having leukemia.
Johnathan: That's why I want to marry you Jamie. I told you that I will love you forever means I will.
Then Johnathan walk towards his chair and pick up the ring. He took out the ring from the ring box. Then he walk towards Jamie. He bow down and said...
Jamie thinking: Oh no. He is going to propose to me. He is going to propose to me. He is really really going to propose to me.
Johnathan: Jamie, my love, will you marry me?
There were silence. Jamie can't stop thinking about Cal. If she says" yes", she isn't going to be with Cal anymore. She can't turn back. But...in the other hand, she suppose to be with Johnathan and suppose to be happy. But right now...
Jamie thinking: Is this really what I want? Do I really want to be with Johnathan...or..Cal...?
Jamie: Baby...
Then Jamie bow down and said...
Jamie: I really want to marry you...but...I need time to think.
Johnathan:What's there to think?
Jamie: I don't know dear. But...marriage is a big thing. Please. If you love me, you won't push me.
Johnathan: Okay okay. I'll wait. But please, don't take too long.
Jamie: I won't. But really, I'm happy of what you did.
Johnathan: Really? Well...it took me a lot of guts for me to do that.
Jamie: I can see that.
Both of them laugh and Jamie hugged him.
Jamie thinnking: I'm having trouble with my stupid feelings. I really need to get rid of Cal from my mind.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Sunday, August 14, 2005

My conversation with Jeremy lastnight.

Hi people. Yesterday was the most funniest and shocking thing especially when I and Jeremy were talking after we catch a movie. Well, let's start when we went out. I fetched him, and then we went and watch Herbie!! Fully loaded!! To me, it was nice. Better than the Ghost Inside. Way, way much more better. Some people might say that it is a kiddie show. Well, what do you expect? It is from Waltz Disney. Man. And I like Lindsay Lohan acting inside there. But she has so much freckles on her ace and hands. Wonder her body got or not. Anyway, don't she ever take care of her face? I mean, she's an actress and singer isn't she? Oh pooh!!
Right now, Jeremy is more to like..um, gentleman I could say. Because well, he pays my food and when we go yarm char, he pays also. Very very proud of him. Lol. As if I am. No la. but seriously, I am proud of him. Well, yesterday we had a talk. A "serious talk". It wasn't like all those normal talks we had all the other yarm charing session. Lolz.(Sorry with all the lols) It was different. All of a sudden, he talks about May Queen. SOme girl that he likes in his college lastime. Well, and then we started talking about me and him. You know,(I did mention in my blog lastime how much he hurt me and stuff) Yeah, that. We talked about that. Especially of me being jealous and stuff. Hehe. I was I admit because well, yeah what. I mean, common la. I've known him for like what? 6 years and he likes anohter girl that he barely even know. Well, i mean, not barely la. I mean that he knows lesser years than me. Oh pooh! Anyway, well, I don't care whoever he goes with. I should feel happy. I still feel like that Jeremy. Feels jealous when you like some other girl but I'm trying to work on it. Just bare this in mind. If I really really don't like the girl, then I won't feel happy for you. Sorry la. But I won't.
Well, and I asked him, what does he mean by he will eventually hurt me when I liked him lastime. And he said he forgotten. What la. Then he said, maybe because he can't spent time with me. Lolz. Yeah, true. That's what I really really want in my relationship. Anyway, everything was the past and I can say it is silly also to actually like him and stuff. Maybe I just was desperate during that time and still am now. But well, I wouldn't just like have a crush on him again. Both of us may look like a couple but seriously we are not. We are just bestfriends that knows each other for 7 years and that's long but if got anything happens between us then......um...lolz. Impossible la. Lol. Well, God has a plan. Lol. Just go with the flow, right Jeremy? Ahahahaha. I'm a little crazy now.Just bare with me. Anyway, it is not a silly thing to like him. I can see now he is growing more and more mature in a way. Especially thinking. And maybe now there's someone out there trying to tackle him. Maybe May Quenn, maybe not. But if it is, well, he should be happy and I will be happy too. I hope. But I will la. I won't be jealous(STILL WORKING ON IT). Really happy or you Jeremy. I will try to help you but please be careful. Remember about what I told you about my the other bestfriend. Okay..I think he should know what am I talking about. Alright. Wanna go liao. Ciao guys!

Friday, August 12, 2005

My feelings towards Chris again. Read it to make it more clearer!

Hi people. I just write this because I just after read my message history with Chris especially since we first started. Actually when we not yet start. And he was so damn different. He was so caring, and really love me. And seriously care for me. But when he was my boyfriend, things started to change. And while I was reading that, I know what was the problem. Everything, seriously started with his sister. And then he started to hate me because of his sister. And then we got into fights. And after that, he can't take any of the fights and broke up.
Now everything is damn fucking clear. Now only I really understand why we really break up. There are a lot of reasons. First, his sister came in the picture. Then fights begin. Then he hated me more and more. And then we lack of communication, we don't hang out too. And then he concetrate 100% allllllll to his assingments and don't care about spending time with me. (That's when he said he is not a boyfriend material type) No one is to be called " not a boyfriend material type" It is because he doesn't have the love towards me already that's why he act this way. And feels that way.
Remember I said I may hurt him again and again? Which I want to hurt him? Well, I think I'm hurting myself instead. Look, I really am trying my best to not like him. Coz in my opinion, I'm gonna get hurt fomr his sister and him again. But like what I said, I'm so close to him now. And we realy talk. TALK! That's not how we are when we are couples. And that's why we can't last. Now I feel so much nicer to be with him. Because we can really be a couple. But sigh, he is not going to think it like that. Who actually think that I still like him? I don't even know. Me my own never thought that I still like him. Sigh. I really wished that I could hug him and touch him like those days. Especially the first date. I will never forget that day. That day is soooooooooooooooooo damn nice and romantic!
Guess I made it clear here that I still like him and still looking on the bright side of him asking me back.But people, tell me that will never happen and slap me in the face. Why am I still thinking this stuff? Jessica!!Its over. Never will happen again!! Argh! Just become his friend. No matter how much I shout, I'm just lieing to myself. Man, I really need Jeremy now. I need him to hug me and comfort me. Sigh, I'm so sad. Why is it so hard to take him out of my life? Why!! Why!! Tell me why!!
I should not like him. I know that. Nevermind. I'm gonna hurt him like what I said. I'm not going to let myself always getting hurt.Well, hopefully I'm right about this. Him liking me back. Well, even if it is not, well, just got to wait for the right guy then which I don't know when. Sigh, now got haze and tomolo got no school woo hooo~~!! Talking to him somemore. Well, bare in mind that I won't let this thing affect my studies. Feelings maybe yes but not studies. And well, I can still say this. Chris, I still love you.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Haze, haze..HAZZZZZZZzzzzzEEEEeeeeeeee~~!!!

Man. Suck man. I wanna go out this saturday!! I don't care. I want go watch show then enough liao. Man. This haze is really killing my lungs. Man. I hate it. Who is that stupid pathetic idiotic people who go and burn the forest? Fuck man those people..NO BRAINS!!
Sigh, man, like that still I got to go to college. Suck. Close the college la. How to study? I mean, I need to eat rite? Common la. We are eating the haze.(Likewhat Chris said) Serious shit man. My lungs going to becoem black liao because of the damn haze. Those people only thihnk about themselves. Helllllooooooooooooooooo!!!~~~People is diieng here. Nextime, we must burn tress to show them. Crazy people with no brains. Sigh. Serious shit. I scared ler of the damn haze. And I'm so sleepy. I think better got to stop writing. Ok ler. Bye bye. Ciao people.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Man this sucks. Serious shit. This sucks. I mean, why am I still staring at his picture? I don't want to miss him. I don't want to. I hate him..Remember? Man.
In my msn nick, I already put that no more tears, hurts and pain for guys. But why am I still having painess in my heart especially when I look at his picture? I don't want to. All of a sudden, I think about him. Man, this really sucks. I really need to get some help here. EEEish. I really meant what my msn nick says. Well, now I already change it but still, it is still in my head. Coz I don't want any guys to hurt me anymore. Sigh, I know me and him never been couple for liek a year but still, I miss him a lot. And worst. Now we are like so damn close and everytime, I will aact as if that he is just a friend or enemy that I'm force to hang out with but the more days I'm with him, the more I like him. The more I think about it, the more I like him. Man, sucks right?
Not to say that I want him to be with me. I still think what is the reason why we broke up and it is just a stupid reason. For me, the reason in unreasonable. Because he thinks that we will do much better as friends and that he is not a boyfriend material type? Well, that is a stupid reason man. Well anyway, I just know that whatever happens lastime was jsut a mistake and missunderstanding. I know what is our problem that relationshp didn't turn out. It's because we are lack of communication and don't see each other enough. And well, and because of his attitude. He needs to change that man.
But right now, I really really want to knock my head. Why am I thinking about this anyway? I already have aplanned sign up for him and waiting to hurt him and get revenge but it looks like I'm ojly falling for him instead. I should have known that I'm not that strong to really do this on my own. Sigh. Really confused and don't know what to do right now. Should I just let it be or should I continue with my "so called" plan? But what I really wisehd for is to be couples back and forget the bad times.All that was just a missunderstanding. I just feel so much fun being around with him and no more awkwards.Sigh, if only he knew how much I like him. I think my feelings didn't change yet. Man, this sucks. :'(

Monday, August 08, 2005

Love Story Chapter 38

Cal: Excuse me? You miss me?
Jamie: Yes. I um........miss you a lot. I can't actually stop thinking about you.
Cal: What?
Jamie: Look, I don't know what has gotten into me. I..Cal,I really really need to talk to you.
Cal: About what?
Jamie: About this. WHat am I actually feeling. This is so weird.
Cal: Okay, just calm down. Um, look, I'm having a class right now. I'll meet you later at break time okay?
Jamie: Okay.
Cal: Okay. Bye.
Then Cal run towards his classroom. Of course he was smilling. He was so happy.
Cal thinking: Does that means that she likes me too? But...what about Johnathan?
Krinnnnnnggggggg~~!!! Cal was the first person who went out of the classroom. He took out his handphone. He was about to call Jamie when he saw Jamie seating alone on one bench. He went there. When he was about to call her, someone appear. It was...Johnathan. He stop walking and Johnathan went adn sit next to Jamie. They were both talking and Jamie look very calm and happy.
Cal thinking: She is just lieing to me. She actually loves Johnathan. She doesn't loves me. I'm crazy to actually think that she loves me. Stupid me!!
Then he run away. He run and run and run non-stop. He has no idea where he wanna go. Then he stop running and lean against a wall. He was still holding his handphone. He look at it. Then he decided to call Jamie. At Jamie, she was talking to Johnathan so a happily until her phone rings.
Jamie: Hold on a second.
She saw Cal's number on her screen in the inside, she is very happy but on the outside, she is not. She can't let Johnathan know that Cal is calling. She don't want to make things worst again. So she hit the cancel button.
Johnathan: Whose that?
Jamie: Just some guy that always bothers me. Well, don't care about it,
Johnathan: You sure?
Jamie: Yeah. Um, where aare we?
At Cal, he was so angry at Jamie. When Johnathan is there, she doesn't care about him at all. Not even a single bit. How can she do that?
Cal thinking: I'm not going to listen to her anymore. That's it. If this is how she is going to treat me then fine!
After school, Jamie was with Johnathan. She wanted to say bye to Johanthan.
Johnathan: You sure you dont want to follow me home?
Jamie: No, it's okay Johnathan. I...am waiting for a friend. Actually friends. I haven't seen them quite sometime. So I kinda miss them. You don't mind do you?
Johnathan: Of course I don't mind. You go on ahead.
Jamie: Okay. Bye.
Johnathan: Bye.
Then Johnathan gave her a small kiss on the cheek and left. Jamie look at the big gate. So far, Cal not yet came out.
Jamie thinking: I need to apologise to him. I know he will be mad. Hopefuylly he didn't see me with Johnathan.
Then suddenly he saw Cal came out from the school with a guy. She went there. At Cal, he said bye to his friend and the friend went off. Then Cal saw Jamie. Jamie was smiling and waving at him. He saw that but he ignore it and went the other way. Jamie knew that he is going to do that. So she chase him.
Jamie shout: Cal! Cal! Wait!
Cal stop walking and turn around to face her. She stop walking too SHe almost knocked him.
Cal: Wait huh? Do you understand the meaning of wait?
Jamie: Look, I'm sorry. I just ..well...
Cal: Just what?
Cal thinking: If she lies to me this, I'm really going to ignore her for life.
Jamie: I...
Jamie thinking: I can't let him know the truth.
Jamie: I was busy.
Cal: Doing what?
Jamie: I was meeting a friend and well I miss her so I talked to her and you know, I don't want anyone to interrupt me.
Cal: Really? You were talking to a girl?
Jamie: Yes.
Cal: Are you sure a girl?
Jamie; Yes. What's gotten into you.
Cal: Look, I'm not going to talk to you anymore.
With that he walk away. Jamie was following him.
Jamie: But why?
Cal striaght away turn around and said...
Cal shout: Why are you lying to me?!
Jamie thinking:(GASP) He knows?
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Love Story Chapter 37

Cal was in his house. He was sitting on his chair in front of his study table in his room.
Cal thinking: Man. I'm such a freak. I shouldn't have jsut run away like that. Now she might feel weird. Even if I don't want to see her, I don't need to sneak off just like that. Now, I have no idea what to do and how to face her.
Thwn suddenly his handphone rang. He looked at it. It scares him for a second. He look at the screen and he has no idea whose number is this so he just press the answer button.
Cal: Hello?
Voice: Hey Cal.
Cal thinking: Jamie?
Cal: Jamie is that you?
Jamie: Wow, I'm impressed. You can recognise my voice.
Cal thinking: What do you expect? I love you remember?
Cal: Um, you are calling me from a public phone?
Jamie: Yes.
Cal: Um, anything important?
Jamie: I'm not really sure actually. I just wanted to ask you. Um, why didn't you said at least a bye to me and Johnathan?
Cal: I'm sorry. I...err..kinda in a rush.
Jamie: In a rush? Doing what?
Cal: Look, I..I can't talk right now.
Jamie: No Cal. Common. This is crazy. You are hiding something and I want to know what it is. Since I'm your bestfriend. Am I your bestfriend or not?
Cal: You are but...
Jamie: I don't want to hear any buts. I just want to know what is going on.
Cal: Jamie, I..it's not necessary for you to know.
Jamie: I know. But I care for you. I want to know if everything is alright and also, I know something is bothering you. Now I'm not going to hang up until you tell me what is going on.
Cal: You won't hang up but I can just hang up.
Jamie: You are not gonna be that mean.
Cal: Well, in order for you not to bother me I will.
Then there was silence after Cal said that.
Cal thinking: Okay, there's a silent treatment now. Did I said something wrong? I said...oh no.
Cal: Um, Jamie, I didn't mean to say that.
Jamie: So you are saying that I'm bothering you?
Cal: Sigh. I don't mean that. I don't know what I was saying.
Jamie: I know.
Cal: Alright, alright. I'll tell you. You see Jamie, I still love you and all. Now your situation is very bad and I know you don't have the same feeling as I do for you. And I know your heart is only for Johnathan. You eyes are only for him. So since you only can live for 3 months, it is better that I leave both of you alone to have more time together. You know, all this while, I've been thinking that what makes you and Johnathan fought is me. And I feel bad. I shouldn't be the one always near you. Johnathan should. And, Johnathan should be mad at me. Right now, I'm acting as if I and you are couples. People will think that I and you are couples which I don't want them to think it that way. Because that's not what you want. Jamie, I should leave you. I'm ruining your relationship with Johnathan.Understand?
There was silence for a moment.
Cal thinking: Did I said somethign wrong again?
Cal: Um, I'm sorry if I was rude.
Jamie:No.............................................................you were not rude.............................I understand Cal. You don't need to explain anymore. I get your point.
Cal:I'm glad..................................you understand.
Jamie: Well, then....there's nothing more to say. Right?
Cal: Yea.
Jamie: Okay. Bye. "Click"
Jamie hang up before Cal can even said bye. Then Cal said in a soft voice.
Cal: Bye Jamie.
Then next day, Jamie was reading some magazines that Johnathan had brought for her few days ago. She felt bored.
Jamie thinking: Argh! I need to get out from the hospital.
Then the doctor came in.
Doctor: Hi Jamie. How are you feeling today?
Jamie: I'm fine.
Doctor: Good.
Then the doctor was about to go but Jamie...
Jamie:Um, excuse me doc but..um, can I ask you one question?
Doctor: Sure.
Jamie: Can I go out from the hospital?
Doctor: Again?Jamie...you know that your sickness will strike again and if you are not in the...
Jamie: Look, doc I know, I know but please doc. I need to get out from here. I still need to study and my friends. And especially my family.
Doctor: I understand Jamie but I'm afraid that I can't approve that favour of yours.
Jamie: I understand. But, I know there's no more meaning even if my sickness strikes again. I mean, my life is meaningless. I just..............I just want to see my friends and familes again and spent one more last meaningful moment with them. Doc...please. You wouldn't want me to go with the things I can't get to do. Of course you want my heart to be fullfilled right? Doctor, please.
Then doctor feel sympathy for her. So he approove. Then around in the afternoon, Jamie went to her bag. Johnathan brought her belongings. She took out her diary. And she wrote things about herself.
Jamie's diary: Dear diary. Today I asked the doctor's approoval. Ans he agrees. I 'm so happy. I can't wait to see my friends again. Especially Cal. You know dear diary, I called him just now. And I was sad after I talked to him. It is like I will never see him again. I mean, I know he is trying to do something good for me and Johnathan but he is over doing it. I hate that! I mean, is that call a bestfriend. Diary, I don't know what is going on anymore. I'm supposed to spent every moment I have left with Johnathan but thinking that I can't spend time with Cal it is like not spending time with the person I....
Then Jamie stop writing.
Jamie thinking: The person I what? Love or like? I love Cal? That's impossible. I mean all this while it is just me and Johnathan. I'm crazy.
Then she continue.
Jamie's diary: ...........the person I love. Diary, there I said it. My heart is not happy enough. I am with Johnathan now. And I can't get Cal out from my head. I thought I'm over Cal but I'm not. Johnathan will be so upset if he reads this and I'm planning to let him know all of this but now by reading it. By me telling him. I'm sure he understands and once again,I'm gonna break his heart.
Jamie thinking: Am I really serious? I love Cal too? But...why didn't I feel this earlier? Johnathan said that he will love me forever and I know he kept his word but me, I'm such a bad girlfriend. I can't let John know about my feelings because I'm not sure yet. I need to go sleep.
So she close her diary and sleep. The next day at school, Cal was in his class. He was sitting at the side of the class near the window. He look out from the window day dreaming. In his mind, he couldn't get her out of his mind. He really really needs to see her but that's going to make things worst for Johnathan and her.
Cal thinking: Oh Jamie. How I wish I can see you now.
Then suddenly he saw Jamie walking into the school.
Cal thinking: Jamie?
Then Cal rub his eyes. He thought he was dreaming but he is not. She is really there.
Cal thinking: What is she doing here? Isn't she suppose to be in the hospital?
Then Cal raise up his hand.
Teacher: Yes Cal?
Cal: I need to go the men's teacher.
Teacher: Okay.
Then he ran out of the classroom. He need to find Jamie. And need to get an answer. He run here and there but he don't know where Jamie has gone too.
Cal thinking: Maybe I was just imagining things. I should just go back to my class.
When he was about to walk to his class, someone was standing in front of him.
Cal: Jamie.
Then he hold her hand. Both of them.
Cal: What are you doing here? Aren't you suppose to be in the hospital?
Jamie: I asked for the doctors approoval for me to go out from the hospital.
Cal: Why? You know that your condition is serious and...
Jamie: I miss you.
That make Cal stop talking.
Cal thinking: She miss me?
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Sunday, August 07, 2005

About my outing with Chris.

Well well well, what a nice day it has been. Well, not exactly. I'm just talking about me and Chris outing. It was good. Well not to mention the show was soooooooooooooooooooooooo damn boring.. I didn't shout but I got jumped ler. But what the heck? It is not worth it. BAH! Well, nextime got to go pick a show like amityville horror and go and watch.I want to see how scared he will go. Ahahahaha. I can imagine.
And me and him right now are super close. Actually leh, I was planning to do something. Something that he might not like but might not notice. I wanna test him. Especialy feelings. I'm just no more miss nice girl. Yeah, I will take things slow and will not rush into things but I'm just gonna make things better for me. Not him. Actually, I don't really like him anymore. Just maybe his companines and the way he make jokes. Well, he is not my type. Really really not y type. Sigh, I still like him and all buT I got to act as if I'm not and this is a challenge. So now when I'm close to him, it is so much more better. It is like he is coming back to me. And well, I'm gonna test him. Should I fail? I don't think so la. This testing thing is going quite well in the meantime. I hope it works to let me have more info.
Oh well, we went and watch this horror movie. To me is just a stupid normal show and not worth seeing. Anyway, well, nextime really got to go and check 4 nice movies to watch with Chris. It is called the ghost inside. Stupid show la. Anyway, I'm fetching him going college and coming back from college every 3 days and that's even better. My test will be much more easier. Hehehe. I'm evil but that is the point of the whole test. Testing his feelings. Well, I'm sure he will gain back my trust and it willl all start there. And that time, beware Chris. Don't fall into my trap. I also wish I don't hurt your feelings. Ok la. Wanna go sleep. Nitey nites.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Love Story Chapter 36

Jamie: John, John. I love you.
Johnathan: Jamie, I love you too. But, I can't get to see you. You are fading.
Jamie: John, I got to leave you. I'm sorry.
Johnathan shout: No! Jamie! Please, don't! Don't do that!
Jamie: I'm sorry.
Johnathan shout: Jamie! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then Johnathan open his eyes and shout...
Johnathan shout: Jamie!
Then Johnathan look at the bed.
Johnathan: Oh, it is just a dream.
Then he look at Jamie. She is still sleeping.
Johnathan thinking: Hmmm, she is so pretty like a princess. Sigh, I was having a nightmare. But what if that dream is real?Man, this is not good.
Then he took Jamie's hand and put beside his cheek.
Johnathan: Jamie, I will not leave here until you wake up. Please, wake up.
With that, he just sleep next to her. Which means, he put his head beside her bed and sleep while sitting down. Then the next morning, he open his eyes cause he felt something moving. He halfway open his eyes and he saw Jamie's hand moving. He straight away open his eyes fully.
Johnathan: Jamie? Jamie? Are you awake?
Then Johnathan faster call the doctor.
Johnathan shout: Doctor! Doctor, Jamie is awake.
Then the doctor went and treat her. Johnathan was waiting for the doctor outside of the room. He was getting so excited and he was happy that she is awake. But his dream, he was so scared that is came true.
Johnathan thinking: What if, that dream is trying to tell me something? Argh, I should stop worrying. There's no point. Leukemia can't be cured. Sigh.
Then the doctor came out.
Johnathan: Doctor, so how is she?
Doctor: Yes, she woke up. And she wants to see you. It's a miracle she wake up this fast. Must be because you are beside her. That's why your support is very important.
Johnathan: She wants to see me? Thanks doctor.
Doctor: Treasure your moments with her now. She only has 3 months to live.
Johnathan: Yes doctor. I will. I really will.
With that, he call Cal.
Cal: Hello?
Johnathan: She woke up Cal. Jamie woke up.
Cal shout: Really!? I will come and visit her after school!
Johnathan: Okay. I'll go see her now.
Cal: Okay.
Then he put down the phone.
Cal thinking: Should I go?
At Johnathan's side, he went inside. He saw Jamie. Her eyes were open but she wasn't smiling when she saw Johnathan.
Johnathan thinking: How can I forget? She had a fight with me. But that's all a misunderstanding. Well, I got to apologise to her.
So Johnathan sat next to her. She was looking at him.
Johnathan: Hi.
Jamie: .......
Johnathan: I'm sorry Jamie. I...
Jamie: I don't need you to feel sympathy with me John.
Johnathan: I'm not feeling sympathy.
Jamie: You know everything do you?
Johnthan: Yes, and I'm glad I knew.
Jamie: No. I don't want you to know.
Johnathan: Why not?
Jamie: I tried to lighten up your burden but...I'm jsut making things worst. And I'm making you worry. I'm making it the other way around.
Johnathan: Jamie, listen. I don't care. I will be with you forever and I meant it. I love you. I mean this words. I will not lie.
Jamie: You what?
Johnathan: I love you.
Jamie: Forever?
Johnathan: Jamie, I've been thinking, and I was here with you until you wake up. And I had a nightmare that you left me. And I don't want that to happen. I'm so scard. I can't lose you anymore Jamie. I know that I will break down if I don't have you.
Jamie: R--Rea-lly?
Johnathan: I promise Jamie. I will be with you until the very end. I will not break your heart anymore Jamie. Never.
Jamie: Oh...Johnathan.
Then they hug. Jamie was crying.
Jamie crying. John, I love you so much, Thanks for everything.
Johnathan: It's okay Jamie. This is my duty.
Then few hours later, Cal came. He saw Jamie with Johnathan. He wasn't sure should he go in or not.
Cal thinkin: I shouldn't. This is wrong. I already said to myself that I will njot bother them but I'm jsut lying to myself. I should get away from Jamie. Man, this is...
Then suddenly, the door open.
Johnathan: Hey Cal.
Jamie heard.
Jamie thinking: Cal?
Jamie: Is Cal there?
Johnathan: Yeah. Come on Cal, come on in.
Ca: No, I..um, I think I got to go. Bye.
Johnathan: Hey Cal, Cal.
But Cal just go. He run as fast as he could.
Cal thinking: I shouldn't. I should stay away from her.
At Jamie and Johnathan.
Jamie: Where is Cal?
Johnathan: I don't know. Suddenly he took off. Without saying anything.
Jamie: Weird.
Jamie thinking: But why is he doing that? I never fought with him. Something is definitely wrong. And I got to know what it is.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Waiting for lecturer and about my bestfriend.

Hi all, well, I called am waiting for my lecturer. The same old lecturer. Argh, she is always late. And I came in half an hour earlier. Don't know come in so early for what. Anyway, I'm not sure whether should I fecth Chris home later or not. He never call me also. But not too sure should I asked him or not? Hmmm, I don't feel like asking him because I, hmmmm, I also don't know what am I feeling.
The other part is my bestfriend. Sigh, I don't know la. Yesterday Debbie called me and talk to me about it. And well, she wrote a message for me through her blog. And Debbie, told me about it. I don't quite understand what she was reading so I went and read it myself and I got her message is that SHE WANTS ME TO APOLOGISE TO HER. AND THAT MAKES ME EVEN MORE FUCKING ANGRY. I mean, is asking her go out a crime or something? So I striaght away called her up and well, I lecture her until my throat went dry. Sigh. but she still can't agree with me with my hobby which is going out yarm char. That is just so basic. Sometimes, it is just so hapens that I just need to go out and have fun. My fun is going out not staying in the house reading comic. Especially on a saturday night. Man, that sucks man. Sigh, anyway, since I've got nothing to do, just update my blog ler. Anyway, I told her everything and we understand. Wait a minute not we understand. SHE understands. Okie, got to stop here, lecturer is here already.
Bye bye and ciao ciao people!! =D

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Love Story Chapter 35

Johnathan kept on running and running.
Johnathan thinking: Jamie please hold on.
The hospital is abit far but Johnathan don't care. Although it is very tiring carrying Jamie on his back, he doesn't care. This is a serious matter. He has hurt Jamie a lot of times. And now something is definitely wrong with her.
Johnathan thinking: Jamie, we're almost there. Oh man, Jamie. I'm so sorry for whatever I did to you. Man, there is no time on thinking this stuff. I just need to get her to the hospital.
Then Johnathan reach. As soon as he stepped inside, he shouted.
Johnathan shout: Help! Doctor. Nurses. Help my friend please!
Then a doctor came.
Doctor: What situation is...what? This is Jamie isn't it?
Johnathan: You know her doc?
Doctor: Yes. I use to be the one to treatment her.
Johnathan thinking: Treatment? Is there something I don't know?
Johnathan: What do you mean doctor? What do you mean by treatment?
Doctor: Didn't you know? Jamie has leukemia.
Johnathan thinking: L-Leukemia?
Johnathan: What? Doctor, you must be joking. Jamie doesn't have leukemia.
Doctor: There's no time. I think it strikes again.
Then the doctor, call some nurses and they headed to the operation room. As for Johnathan, he just stand there stun.
Johnathan thinking: No, no. This is a dream. Leukemia?
Then Johnathan about Cal. He remembers that Cal was trying to tell him that Jamie needed him by saying out the truth. He is such an idiot. Then he call Cal. Few minutes later, Cal came. Johnathan can see that Cal was really worried about her.
Johnathan thinking: He must have run.
Cal straight away run to Johnathan and asked...
Cal shout: How's she!
Johnathan: I don't know.
Cal shout: What do you mean you don't know?! Man, I mean, how did this happened!? She was with you waSN't she!?
Johnathan: Yes...
Then Cal grab his collar and shouted...
Cal shout: What did youi do to her!?
Johnathan shout: I didn't do anything to her! She just fainted all of a sudden!
Then Cal let him go. Cal look down. Then Johnathan walk to the other corner and sit down on the bench. They were not talking then Johnathan look down on the ground and started to talk.
Johnathan: I'm...sorry.
Cal look up and look at Johnathan. He was confused of course.
Johnathan: I...I didn't know that she has leukemia. And..I know she was keeping this from me ever since that she knows she has leukemia. You were telling the truth and I didn't believe everything. Jamie...(sniff) Jamie just didn't want(sniff) to hurt(sniff) me. And I hurt her by breaking(sniff) up with her(sniff) when she needs me. I'm...I'm...
Johnathan shout: I'm such a freak!!!
Cal smiled. At last he knew. Cal walk towards Johnathan. He patt Johnathan's back.
Cal: It's okay dude. Jamie is going to be happy if she here's what you had to say. I'm happy too. And Jamie never did blame you for anything. Trust me. She still loves you a lot. And please, now all you can do is give her your support.
Johnathan: I will.
Few hours later, the doctor came out of the operation room. Cal and Johnathan walk towards the doctor.
Johnathan: Doctor, how is she?
Doctor: Her condition now is stable but I'm afraid that she only can leave for 3 months and she got to go. Her hair is dropping so maybe take one last moment with her. I'm sorry. Thats the best I can do. Give her more support.
Cal: Thanks doctor.
Johnathan kept quiet. He can't say anything. He feels like he is the one going to die.
Cal: Are you okay?
Johnathan: I want to see her.
Cal: Sure , go ahead.
So Johnathan went in. She was still sleeping. Johnathan sat beside her. He hold her hand and kiss it. Adter that, he said...
Johnathan sniffing: Jamie...I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't know that you need to suffer. Jamie. I can't forgive myself. Jamie, please, don't leave me. Jamie...(sobbing)...please don't leave me.Don't leave me..Don't, don't
Cal, was looking at Johnathan. Then he went out of the room. When he look at Johnathan, he knew that they were meant to be together and he is just spoiling their relationship.
Cal thinking: I'm just in their way. I already spent my moments with Jamie lastime. I need to let her be with the one she really loves. I know I love her a lot but what's the use if Jamie loves him more? I just need to face the fact.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -