Friday, May 27, 2005

Love Story Chapter 19

The next day, Jamie went to school. Of course she has no idea how is she going to react when she see Cal. Not to mention. Cal holding Melanie's waist or whatever. Kring!! Sound of the bell.
Jamie thinking : So far so good. Not yet seen Cal yet. I just need to get past my maths
class, break time and english class without seeing him. That isn't so
bad.
But in her heart. How she wanted so much to see Cal. Then Jamie went to her locker. Before she reach her locker, she remembered the first time when Cal wanted to get to know her that badly and how cruel is she to go and ignore him completely. Right now when she think back those times, she miss call a lot and hoping that she was the one in his arms instead. But after all, she knew that Melanie is always number one for him and no one will ever going to replace Melanie. Even if she and Cal are together, Cal probably will take her as a replacement of Melanie.
Jamie : Sigh. I shouldn't have meet him in the first place.
Then suddenly out of nowhere...
Voice :Shouldn't meet who?
Jamie was shock and turn around.
Jamie thinking : Thank God it wasn't Cal.
Jamie : Oh, hi Johnathan.
Johnathan : Hey. Good morning. How are you feeling today?
Jamie : Good I guess.
Jamie thinking : That is not until I meet him.
Johnathan : So, you got any plans after college?
Jamie : Hmmm, let's see..Today....oh, nope. Today's class is cancelled due to
my teacher. She's sick.
Johnathan : Oh I see. So, you wanna do somethign different?
Jamie : Like?
Johnathan : Hanging out.
Jamie : That's different to you?
Johnathan : Well, yeah. I mean, I thought it is something different for you.
Jamie : Well of course I've hang out before.
Johnathan :Oops. I missed out something. I didn't say where are we hanging out
yet.
Jamie : Okie, then. Where?
Johnathan : The arcade.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Going to go.

Yo~~ people what's up? Today apparently everyone was not ready for a pre-presentation from my lecturer in illustration class but he didn't scold me. I was shock. Ahahahaha. At least I did some work and he appreciate it and once again he toldl me that my story was SOOOOOOOOOOO Sad! Well, I did it for me and Chris but me and him aren't together anymore so what the heck la? No need to bother anymore. Sad or not sad? It is suppose to be sad ler because I make the story to be sad because I'm also very sad when the relationship went off. And yeah, people need to feel sad also ler. No la just joking. I mean. in once in a lifetime in my whole entire life leh, I want to do somethign sad on tv, which is my story and now I have the chance so why not do it now than later right? COMING SOON PEOPLE!
Well, the title up there says going to go? Ahahahaha. I really got to go now to cathc up with my bus. If not, I will be staying overnight at Lim Kok Wing. I don't want. So scary. So adios people. COMING SOON AR! wAIT AR!!

Love Story Chapter 18

Pon Pon!
Jamie thinking : Great! He's here and I don't feel like going out now. Sigh,
really wish it was him though.
So Jamie took her cartigan and run down stairs, take her house key and oepn the door. She can see from outside inside his car that Jonathan was grinning at the inside the car.
Jamie thinking : Is he that happy to see me?
Then she open her gate and went into his car.
Jonathan : Hi.
Jamie : Hi.
Jonathan : Are you okay?
Jamie : Yeah, I'm fine. Prefectly fine.
Jonathan : You always say that.
Jamie : That's because I feel that way.
Jonathan : Correction. That's because you don't feel that way.
Jamie : Alright enough. Let's go.
Jonathan : Hey, chill gal. Where do you wanna go?
Jamie : I don't know. You are the one who called me out so you
suggest.
Jonathan : Is there such a rule?
Jamie : No. It is my rule.
Jonathan : Oh I see. Hmmm, let's see. Let's go to starbucks?
Jamie : Anything.
So he set the gear to gear one, and he drove off. When they reach there, Johnathan order 2 mocha. The drinks were there and they never talk anything which made Johnathan feel awkward.
Jamie thinking : Argh, this is so bored. He is not even talking.
Johnathan thinking: I need to talk to her. Hmm...
Johnathan : Finish your assignments?
Johnathan thinking: Great, she will think that I'm some kind of nerd. But I
think she likes to study too.Not wrong question I guess.
Jamie : Hmm, not yet. I mean. I can't quite concetrate nowadays
because of this.....um...
Johnathan : This Cal problem huh?
Jamie didn't say anythign but just took a sip of her mocha.
Johnathan : What's the matter with you? He is not worth it.
Jamie shout : How would you know whether is he worth it or not? You
are not even his bestfriend or whatsoever. I mean, you are
not even close to him. Are you his bestfriend? I don't
think so. Of course you need to know that someone good
enough if you wanna know every single thing about him.
For you, he is just like 10% good and 90% bad because
you don't know him that well. I know him and I'm his
bestfriend and now...now I....sniff..
Then Jamie started to cry. WOah, this makes Johnathan panick.
Johnathan thinking : Oh man. She is crying. This is not my fault right? I didn't
make her cry.
Johnathan : Um, Jamie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have um...
Jamie : It's not your fault.Sniff.
Johnathan : But really I am sorry if I offended him in anyway that you
don't like. Blame me if you want.
Jamie : How many times you want me to tell you that it is not
your fault?
Johnathan : Sorry.
Jamie : All I wanted to say was, I know him better and I am his
bestfriend. And right now I love him more than that and
that's why he means a lot to me but to him, he will never
know how much he means to me and he will never know
that I love him.I will never gonna be good enough for
him. Melanie is always number one in his heart.
Johnathan : Then why not you just let him go?
Jamie : Is not easy Johnathan.
Johnathan : I know is not. But you got to try. Or you prefer to be
crying every single night, every single minute and every
single second? You are just going to hurt yourself. And
I'm sure your loved ones wouldn't want to see you this
way.
Jamie : Sigh.
Johnathan : And please don't let it affect your studies Jamie. You are
an intelligent student. You likes to study and don't let this
love life of yours is a failure makes u a failure in your
carreer life too.
Jamie : I know. I know all of that. I just am hurt.
Johnathan : I know you are and it hurts badly. I know it takes time to
heal. But your loved ones wouldn't want to see you this
way.
Jamie : Yeah.
Johnathan : Including me.
Johnathan said in a softer voice. Jamie look up with shocked.
Jamie thinking : Including him? Johnathan is really nice.
Jamie smile at him.
Jamie : Thanks Johnathan. Thanks for being here with me now.
Johnathan : All of a sudden you are thanking me. I thought you
weren't in the mood to go out with me.
Jamie : Well, I just changed my mind.
Johnathan smile. Somehow, Jamie loves his smile.
Johnathan : Alright, looks like I did my duty to get your mind of Cal
for a minute there.
Jamie : Kind to think about it. Yeah, u did.
Johnathan : Hmm, I am good.
Jamie : Oh please.
Johnathan : Common, finish up. I wanna go. I wanan finish up my
assignments.
Jamie thinking : Wow, he has assignment and he still come and find me?
This guy must really care about me.
Jamie : Okie.
Then Johnathan drove her home.Before she step out of the car,...
Jamie ; Thanks Johnathan. I have a great time. Thanks for
making me feel better.
Johnathan : No problem.
Jamie : But I have a question.
Johnathan : Shoot it out.
Jamie : Why are you so nice to me? I mean, you and me don't talk
much in school and we don't mix around that much.
Johnathan couldn't answer.
Johnathan thinking : Oh man. I'm so dead. Common, think of something. I
can't say that I have feelings on her.
Johnathan : Well, I just can see you in class that somethign is wrong
with you and you know, I want to help you. I mean, I'm
good with my friends and if there's somlething bothering
them, I'll help.
Jamie ; Really?
Johnathan thinking : No not really.
Johnathan : Yeah. I mean, sort of.
Jamie raised her eyebrow.
Jamie : Well, thanks anyway.
Johnathan : No problem.
Then Jamie went out of the car. She closed the car door and went out. She waved him goodbye and went in her house and Johnathan drove off. Obviously, he is so damn happy that she went out with him.
END OF CHAPTER 18
Set By
-Jessica Tan-

Thursday, May 19, 2005

How weird.

Hi people. Been damn busy lately doing assignments and all. And having Bm test this coming saturday ar! Of al the days. Stupid wan leh. Gotta come on saturdaty. Was thinking to finish up my model then got this stupid exam on saturday. Again I wanna say. Of all the days!!!
Anyway, hmmm, Chris is putting that Tong Hua song in his blog. Our song? Not getting perasan or anything ler but well, I know the song is nice but he once told me that he is not totally obssesed with it. Even his handphone is tong hua ringing tone. Well, if he wanna forget what has happened between us then he should just not put those song to remind him back of me right? Am I right or am I wrong? Well, don't care la. Whatever he wanna do let him do like his out of my life. Anyway, still wondering why is he putting that song. Maybe he took my last confession too seriously. Good also ler. This song can remind him of me. All my painfulness and hurts. And not to mention, the our moments together.Anyway, I'm smiling now. Kinda happy that this song never left his heart. Proud of him in a way. Only about this. Not other stuff. Still pissed off at him. Okie, ciao.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Lovs Story Chapter 17

Jamie went back to her house. She has no mood to do anything and that's for sure. She needs to keep herself busy so that she can get her mind off that stuoid jerk. In her life, this is the first time she hated someone so much. And worst, this guy is the guy that she hated at the beginning and now she falls in love with him and now when the guy don't have that same feeling towards her, she feels angry.
Jamie thinking : It is not his fault. He feels happier with her rather than with me.
What was I thinking anyway? I will never be good enough for him.
Melanie is always number one in his heart. It is like I'm a
replacement. Sigh. I guess being friends are way much more better.
TheN..............KRING!!!!
Jamie look at the phone.
Jamie thinking : Maybe it is Cal.
So she rush towards the phone, grab it and...
Jamie : Hello?
Voice : Hey Jamie.
Dissappointment. It was not Cal. She could even recognise his voice. She is totally too in love with him. But right now, she has to know who is this guy who is calling her.
Jamie : Um, yes speaking and who is this?
Johnathan : Oh...sorry. This is Johnathan.
Jamie : Oh.
Jamie thinking : Johnathan from the same class as me. Hmm, all of a sudden.
Why is he calling me all of a sudden?
Jamie : Anything wrong?
Johnathan : Nothing. I was just wondering um..Uh,....
Jamie : Johnathan, please make it quick. I don't have all day.
Johnathan : I know what's your problem with this guy name Cal. I mean, I
don't get it. What do you see in that freak guy?
Jamie : He is not a freak Johnathan. He is a nice guy if you get to know him
better...
Johnathan : Like you? Hey, he hurt you...REMEMBER? He is not even worth
a shed of tear from your eyes.
Jamie : Look, if you call me just to talk to me about this, then just forget it.
Johnathan : Okay, don't hang up. I'm sorry. I just...I don't want to see you get
hurt Jamie.
Jamie : I'm perfectly fine Johnathan. But thanks for your concern. Can I go
now?
Johnathan : Not until you agree to go and have a drink with me.
Jamie : I'm....not free.
Johnathan : Are you sure? Or you're more to the not in the mood?
Jamie thinking : This guy really really knows me so well.
Jamie : I don't know what I'm feeling by the way.
Johnathan : Common Jamie. I can help you get your mind out of him for a few
minutes. What do you say?
Jamie thinking : That's a great idea. I need a break.
Jamie : Oh...okie..
Johnathan : I'll be right there in 10 minutes. Bye.
Jamie : Bye.
Then she hang up. Johnathan is okay but still, she don't feel like going out but if someone wants to help her getting hurt, she needs help. And Johnathan was nice enough to even call her since he don't talk to her that much but he really cares. As far as she can see now.

END OF CHAPTER 17
Set By
-Jessica Tan-

Monday, May 16, 2005

Heart broken and not heart broken

Today saw him. Today I walk past him. Today I saw him just right in front of me but not looking at him.
If you asked me am I still heart broken now after the break up, I can tell you striaght away the answer is no. But if you asked me whether am I heartbroken if I see him, only him, I can straight away answer you yes. And the last one, if you asked me whether am I heart broken if I see him with another girl eventhough they are friends, I can definitely tell you or maybe go straight to him and tell him I 'm damn fucking jealous.
Hello!!!! I'm your friend here for goodness sake. Maybe he knew that this was coming and don't want to be my friend and that's for sure. How I really wish that I and him are from different colleges. I regreted I met him man. I really do. Duh! I mean, obviously look at it this way, he wants to be my friend, and he said " oh, we can do great as friends" What type of bullshit is that? Oh yeah, I will be convince if you show it to me but this is not what I expected. Not even a single bit. Now you can see that mny language with all those foul languages are back on track. Yeah, I know that and that's the way I am. Wanna change me someone? Go ahead. No one can change me now ler. I've learn my lesson. I changed for someone but that someone don't appreciate so what the fuck should I change for anyone else now? Sick and tired of it. Seriously, I'm fucking pissed off at him. I don't care if he's reading this. It's time I say it out. I can't be the person always getting hurt each time I see him with this girl la, going around with a stupid smile on his face. Not realising that he is MY FRIEND. Hello. ah-DUH, is he crazy or something? He wanted to be my friend for pet's sake. CRAZY WAN!!! Wnat to be people's friend but never show any effort to come and invite me go lunch or something. If want to do until like that, that day in the concert shudl just say that you're sorry and say to me you don't want to be friends because WE ARE NOT FRIENDS AT ALL. BLIND KAH!!! You need spects or a new brain that has just washed clean and clear so that you can think what you have just said ar? Dahlah, given him so many days to cool down and forget about the fucking days we have been together, and obviously he has already forgotten since he has no heart after the break up, so what does he want now? Me make the first move as usual izzit? BAKA!!
Read and not happy? Come and box me la. I give you. You not happy, I also not happy. It is always in his mind will be "jessica, come and talk to me ler" I know this is what he always been thingking. In his blog he says, he learn how to care about others. HAH!! You wanna care? You should be caring about me 1st after the break up. I need friends now la for pet's sake. Damn man!He Really really siao and I got nothing to say man. Even my friends says so that he is siao... I 'm a girl making all those damn moves lastime and even now! Oh my God! Can't believe this type of guy which is a coward. SO sad man. Sad case. Really!
- Signing off-
-Jessica-

Saturday, May 14, 2005

I know that time can never change the love I have for you..... Except to make it deeper still with everything we do...... In all my dreams of coming years, you play the greatest part, For I know that time will never change the love within my heart...
I always lose control when your by my side. You have become the light of my life. I always enjoy the time I spend with you. Because nothing makes me feel the way you do.
Every time I see your face and I hear your voice, It stirs up feelings inside that I've never felt before. Was it the words you said that made me feel this way? Maybe it was the touch of your hand and the smile on your face...I think I'm falling in love with you...
You are my best friend and my only true love. I'm sure that you were sent from heaven above. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. And our future is beginning to look so bright. I think I'm falling in love with you...Tonight I looked up at the stars, And I wondered where you are. Tonight I gazed upon the moon, In hopes that I would see you soon...
Tonight you'll look oh so fine, But It will all be in my mind. Tonight you won't even know, That I still love you so...
I hope that you can accept, How much I really care. A person who loves you more, You can find nowhere...
I still love Chris and this is what I want to tell him. Finally, I got the words I wanted so much to tell him. Hope he understands every single sentence.

Love Story Chapter 16

Cal thinking : Calm down. Nothing is wrong. You are doing the correct
thing.
Then Cal saw Jamie. He walk straight towards her. He felt so weak and he feel like he is a total idiot.
Cal thinking : Common. Keep on going and going. Don freak out now.
Finally he is in front of her but she can't see him not until she close the locker. Then when she closed the locker, she saw him of course. She was stun and couldn't move.
Cal : Hi.
Jamie : Hi.
Jamie responded without looking at him. Cal felt weird.
Cal : So, um, are you....you know, free tommorrow?
Jamie : No.
Cal : I mean for lunch.
Jamie : I got class.
Cal :Yeah, I know but that's not until 4.00 p.m right?
Jamie : Yeah, I know. My teacher changed the time.
Cal : So what time are you free then?
Jamie : LOok eventually, I'm just not free the whole day okay?
Cal : Even for lunch?
Jamie : Yes, even for lunch. Now can you excuse me?
Cal block her.
Jamie : What do you want?
Cal : I want to talk to you.
Jamie : There's nothing to talk about.
Cal thinking : Okay, she's really angry.
Cal : Look, I'm sorry okay? I jknow that you are mad about
last night. I know I asked you to hold that thought and I
promised I'll come back but I didn't. But there's
something that I want to tell you. Something more
important and I think that you will be more mad after I
tell you this. That's why I need to talk to you during
lunch time. So can I?
Silence. Jamie knew that he is going to settle everything one and for all over here. She can't runaway now. She needs to let him go now. She helped him went back with Melanie that time. What's the difference now?
Jamie thinking : Maybe because I love him more. Wait a minute. I love
him? Did I just....
Cal : Jamie?
Jamie look up at him.
Jamie : Huh? Oh yeah. About that....um, you see Cal. You were
wrong.
Cal : Wrong? Wrong about what?
Jamie : About you not calling me. You did called me.
Cal : I did? When?
Jamie : Yesterday. I picked up and no one was
replying me but I only can hear you and
Melanie was talking.
Cal thingking : So I did called her. Shit!
Cal : Jamie. I'm sorry. I didn't...
Jamie : No. It's okay. I know that she really really
needs you. Maybe it was right for you to
accidentally called me. You don't need to
explain anything now. Everything is settle
right? Everyone is happy. I gotta go.
Jamie wanted to go but Calgrab her arm and said...
Cal : Jamie, we are still bestfriends right?
JAMIE look at him and smile. Then she nodded. Cal smile at her and let go of her arm. Then Jamie walked away without looking back. She went at the other block and lean her back on a wall. And started crying.
Jamie crying : I can't. I will never be good enough for you...
But for the first time, I know that I love you.
And there she was crying at the wall without anyone knowing. And Cal will never know how much Jamie loves him.
END OF CHAPTER
Set By
-Jessica Tan-

Friday, May 13, 2005

Love Story Chapter 15

Cal was outside Melanie's hospital room and holding his handphone very tight. He keep on thinking how is he going to tell this whole thing to Jamie? She probably won't even speak to him ever again. Then he think a second thaught that he don't want to call her. So he went inside Melanie's hospital room. He sit next to her on the chair. She was sleeping soundly.
Cal thinking : Maybe I should tell Jamie now.
Thwen Cal dial Jamie's number on his handphone. Then suddenly, Melanie woke up...
Melanie : Cal?
Cal look up and shock to see that she was awake. Cal smile at her and forgotten to hang up the phone. So it was still calling. At Jamie's side, she was waiting for his call and her handphone ring. She was so happy seeing that it was his number. So she quickly pick up the phone.
Jamie : Hello?
No answer.
Jamie : Hello? Cal? Are you there?
Then suddenly. Jamie heard voiceS.She press her ear so near to her handphone for her to hear who is speaking.
Jamie thinking : Sounds like Cal.
At Cal's side.
Cal : Enough sleep?
Melanie : No. I'm still sleepy but I got this nightmare. I dreamt that you left me.
Cal : Melanie. I told you already that I won't ever leave you again right?.
Melanie : I know. But...
Cal put his second finger on her lips.
Cal : Shhhh...Don't say anything and no buts. I'm not going to leave you and I
mean it. Nothing is going to tear both of us apart.
Jamie can't believe that she is hearing all of this. So it is Melanie and Cal on the other line.
Melanie ; What about Jamie?
Cal thinking : Jamie? Oh no.
Then he look at his handphone. It looks normal.
Cal thinking : I thought I called her and I never offed it. Luckily I did.
But actually Jamie already hung up the phone before he look.
Melanie : Cal?
Cal ; Huh?..Oh um, what about her? I and her are bestfriends. Very good friends.
Melanie : Oh...
Cal : I need you to accept her and me always hanging out.
Melanie : No problem.
Cal : Good. Melanie, I'm sorry. I mean, I didn't see you like this before. I mean
so weak and all.
Melanie : I'm always weak Cal. I may look that I'm happy and energetic in school but
I'm not. I 'm always weak. I just don't want to show my weak side especially
not to you. But eventually I can't hide it from you today.
Then Cal hold her shoulder.
Cal : I don't want you to hide anything from me Melanie. To be honest, I love
your weak side. It shows your trueself.
Melanie : Really?
Cal : Yeah.
Melanie smile and they kissed. First time in his life, when he kiss Melanie, he felt so right.
Cal : Anyway baby, I gotta go. I'll call you before I go sleep okay? Keep you
company for awhile.
Melanie : Oh please do. I'm going to die of boredom here.
Cal : Yeah. Anyway, I go first okay? Getting late.
Melanie ; Okie. Bye.
Then Cal give her a kiss on the forehead and went home straight. Tommorrow at school, he needs to explain everything to Jamie and he has no idea how is she going to response to that.
END OF CHAPTER 15
Set By
- Jessica Tan-

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

So tired. So tired. Damn tired. Really very fucking tired. Go back later got to do work somemore. Haih. So busy this whole week. Not in the mood to do anything else but finish work. This weekend somemore cannot rest got to do my model. But still, I'm going to have a rest which is ebnough to keep me from yawming whcih what I'm doing now. Cannot stop yawning. Anyway, my friend afif is playing street fighter and very funny so it is keeping me from boredom.
Anyway, later in the bus got to sleep sepuas-puasnya. Then after that got more energy. Feel like sleeping now ler. Here got no bed only computers. ahahahaha. Not really feeling well now. Feel like piuking. I need to plop down to sleep now. My eyes are not heavy. Just that I feel like I'm half dead. OMG, someone need to help me. I feel like dieing liao. Really need to have something to lean on and sleep. Eeish. Anyway, I think I'll stop now. Bye bye.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Love Story Chapter 14

Cal finally arrive at her house. But now when he is in front of her house, he freaks out real bad. He forgotten what he suppose to say and his whole body is shaking as if he is cold.
Cal thinking : Okie, just calm down and approach at her door step.
Common Cal. You can chicken out now.
So Cal, open his car door and slamed it shut and lock the car door. He took a deep breath and walk towards her doorstep. He saw the bell button alright and he keep on thinking should he ring it or not.
Cal thinking : Ah, just get on with it. Whatever happens, happens.
When Cal was about to ring the doorbell, suddenly the door open by itself. Cal felt like he is going to faint anymore. It was her. Jamie. Standing right in front of him. Her face was shocked to see him too. He finally realize that he was looking like an idiotic guy. So he started...
Cal : Um, I thought you were out.
Jamie : I was. 5 minutes ago.
Cal : And where are you going now?
Jamie : I just wanted to check if the postman already came. My
mom asked me to check.
Cal : I see.
Jamie : So what are you doing here? Anything urgent that you
want to talk to me about? Right until you must come to my
house.
Cal : Well, um, actually...it is kind of urgent and I'm not sure
whether is it a good news for you.
Jamie : Spit it out.
Cal : Well, you see, Um..Jamie, I.........I love you.
Silence like the wind.
Cal thinking : Great, now she is looking at me like I'm some kind of an
idiotic person. Common say something Cal. This is not
the end yet.
Cal : Um, you see, back there at school. I don't know any of this.
I just don't realise. And maybe because you said you don't
want to be couples that made me think twice about telling
you what I really want. I was just so stupid not to think
that you were the one tha brought me and Melanie back
together and I don't want that Jamie. I thought that will
make me happy but actualyl is you whom I want. Because
you are the one I'm always thinking about. Not Melanie. It
is just not right. So please Jamie. Give us a chance to...
KRING KRING!! Cal's handphone rang. But he ignore it.
Jamie : Aren't you going to answer the phone?
Cal : No, nothing is going to get in our way now.
Jamie : How if it is an important call? Just answer it. You can
continue after you talk on the phone. I won't go anywhere.
Cal smile and he pick up his handphone and it was Melanie calling. All of a sudden, he feels like something is not right. But he promise Jamie to answer the phone so he did.
Cal : Hello?
Melanie : Where are you my darling?
Cal : Me? I'm at...
Then he look at Jamie who was staring at him with a happy expression. He don't want to spoil her mood. But what can he do now?
Cal : I'm at Jamie's house.
Melanie : What? What are you doing over there?
Cal : Um...I am..uh...
Melanie : You can't answer me? You.. you...
Then suddenly Melanie fainted.
Cal shout : Melanie? Melanie!?
Jamie's happy expression turns to shock.
Jamie : Melanie?
Cal hang up the phone.
Cal : Yeah. Somethign is wrong with her. She suddenly didn't
response. It sounded like she fainted.
Jamie : Fainted? You better go see her then.
Cal : Yeah, yeah. I should get going.
But when he was going to go, he stop and turn back to Jamie and said...
Cal : Jamie?
He said quietly. Jamie look up.
Cal : Hold that thought. I promise that I'll be back to tell you what
I have to say.
Jamie : Okie. But hurry. You better get going. Melanie is in a serious
condition now. I won't go anywhere. I'll wait.
Cal thinking : Wow, did she just said that she'll wait?
Cal just nodded and gave her one last smile and went off. He drove down to Melanie's house and her parents car wasn't at home. The house was completely locked. So he call up the parents and the parents said that Melanie is in the hospital.
Cal : Hospital?
Then Cal quickly drove to the hospital which the parents mentioned and quickly just rush in and when he reach the 11th floor, he saw the parents talking to the doctor. He went nearer and over heard part of the conversation.
Doctor : She has this high blood preasure and I think in this case, she
was shocked over something.
Melanie's dad : I thaught it was alrady clear?
Doctor : I know. But it seems like this thing that shocked her, made the
sickness come back.
Melanie's dad : Thanks doctor.
Doctor : You may see her.
Then Melanie's dad saw Cal and waved at him. Melanie's parents went in first then when they finish visiting her, it was time for Cal to go in. He went in and he closed the door behind him. Melanie heard the door. She saw Cal and look away the other side. Cal look at her and just one glance of her, he felt pity. He don't like her but just feeling sympathy towards her. He sit next to the bed on the chaif that was already there. He started saying...
Cal : I'm sorry...
Softly. He burried his face in his hand.
Cal : I didn't know. I mean, why didn't you tell me you have high
blood preasure?
Melanie : I thought I was cured. I was. But now it came back.
Melanie look so weak. Cal feel like he did a big mistake.
Melanie : You are going to leave me aren't you?
A shock of expression was forming in Cal's face.
Cal thinking : DOes she have six sense or soemthing?
Melanie : Am I right?
Cal : Um, I err...
Melanie : I knew it. You are going to leave me because of her again.
Cal : How could you say that I will leave you?
Melanie started crying.
Melanie : You were at her house just now and you can't tell me what are
you doing over there and also (sobbing) Igot this thinking that
you will one day leave me. Will you?
Cal : Melanie..I...
Melanie crying : Cal, please say that I was just silly to think those.
Cal feel that he needs to have her back. This wasn't Melanie. Melanie never was this weak before or maybe he never seen her weak part. Maybe this is the real her. Then without thinking, he striaght away hug her and said...
Cal : Stop Melanie. Stop.
Melanie was shocked. She stop crying but not completely.
Cal : I'm sorry. I didn't know that you were so hurt. I promise.
I will never leave you ever again. I promise. Nothing is going
to spoil this relationship. I promise.
Melanie : Really?
Cal : Yes. But first, I need to settle something. But something you
can make sure is that I will never leave you Melanie. I'm so
sorry.
Melanie started crying again and response to his hug.
Melanie crying : Oh Cal. Please don't leave me again.
Cal whisper : I won't Melanie. I won't.
Cal thinking : Now there's one more problem. Jamie.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...Se| LiAu ler!!!~~Help!

Tomorrow ar. Tommorrow I die already ar. Why ar? Coz got test and I tried to study just now and nothing goes in my head. Cannot get a single thing in my head. Damn man. I die already for sure. How? Oh no. Must really pray hard.

Oh Father Lord. I pray that tomorrow that you will give me the strength to think striaght. I will study later as much as I can and Father Lord I pray hard that whatever I study later goes in my brain and I pray Father that you give me the power to remember every thing what I have studied. Father Lord, I also pray for my photography assignment Lord. I did it today Father Lord but it seems that none of it was approved due to my clumsyness Lord. So I pray Father for me that You Father Lord will give me the strenght and whatever I can just to do my photography. Lord I pray once more for tomorrow about my design history test Lord. This time I can turn to no one but you Lord. I know I have been neglected you quite sometimes Lord. Please use me with all your might Lord. I have no more Chris in my life anymore. So Lord I don't care however you want to use me Lord and Father Lord, I need to feel your presence with me tomorrow Father in order that I know you are with me over there Father so that I can o well in my test tommorrow. I pray very hard Father Lord and make sure never to neglect you. If I did neglect you, please, I pray for forgiveness for you are the Lord that forgives our sins. I pray that you will give me strength and the power to do my test tommorrow. I pray all this in Jesus morst precious name. AMEN!
Hard. I tried to do my photography and it is a waste of money. I hate it. That shazleen cannot give me any coments if I don't know the apparture meh? EEISH! Damn angry la. I mean common la. You as a lecturer, you should know. Like that you call yourself a lecturer? Anyway, I don't give a damn anymore. I will do whatever I can and I know that she won't be that mean to faiul people. At least, and I say again, at least I have done my assignment rite? Okie ler. Go play gunbound to release my mind and then yeah, GO STUDY!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!! Got the semangat liao. U CAN DO IT JESSICA TAN!!Bye ppl.!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Sad or not?

Sleepy at the moment. Anyway, sad or not? Nope. No more. Yeah, as usual ler. I go and talk to him 1st ler. Making the first move is always my specialty. People know me as one. Well, aiya, what the heck? Just get it over with la. EEEISH!
Seeing that I'm angry? No. Actually, this whole relationship was just a miracle that never will last. And I learn something from all this. HEHEHEHEHE! Want to know? Don't want to tell you guys la. For what? Ahahahahahaahaha.No la. I learn that I shouldn't believe in guys words anymore and I don't want to find guys that I'm interested in. Someone sais that I'm still young and I got the looks. I don't think so but I'm planning to take his advice and just wait la. So what the heck? Just wait lor. Nowadays always where cacated in college. Lol! Well, guys and girls just got to leave with it ler. Coz that's the real me. I'm not going to impress anyone already. I believe even the ugliest people on earth will have a partner for life later on. Just got to wait. But I hope not too long ler.
I'm still not exaclty over him. Ahahahahaha. How many times have I said this already ar? ahahahaha. Nevermind. In order to get rid of him in my mind, let's talk about what I did yesterday withj Jeremy. So funny. We watch 1 missed call 2. Lol. It was funny to see Jeremy scared. It remind me of the shutter when he watch with me and 1 missed call 1, he was watching with me and he was actually being a romantic person that time. So long already I never asked him to be a romatic person. Yesterday I lean on his shoulder and when he jumped I jumped also ler. He ar. And then he go and scare me putting his finger inside the popcorn from the bottom and asked me to take the popcorn. Dahlah cannot see liao. So when I put my hand inside, I felt his finger. Omg! Luckily I never scream. EEEISH! Okie ler. I wanna go get ready for yarm charing. Bye bye..

Friday, May 06, 2005

Let him go

Yes, I think finally I can get me head back to think properly. Maybe I told you that I can't forget about him but I tink I can. Well, maybe I can't at the moment. Right now, I think back all the bad stuff that he has done to me and especailly on that friday night. Hey common people, he chose to left me and I chose not to left him and that kept me crying for a very long long time. And everynight I'm living in the world of hell. Or with no light. I can't see people only myself. Look, I tried so hard to give him one more chance like another miracle will happen with me and him. But eventually no. Nothing happened. See. that's what I said. He is forgetting me in a way. Taking the 1st bus when he don't do it. Avoiding me ler. Can see liao.
I don't like people asking me to be their friend but they their ownself making it so hard. Why can't they stop being childish? It is not me who said that I want to be your friend Chris. That were your words and now what? You are afraid of seeing me? Even if you are. please don affect my studies because we are still in together for the design history right? I'm not sure whether you totally wanna forget about me and want me to change group. I'm not sure whether are you that type of person or not. Hopefully not. And I'm trying to act cool here when you were the one leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. Now I love you still so much and please don get me wrong. I love to be your friend. Seriously. Please, if there's another type of worship, please call me. I'm not into this with you anymore. I'm into this with Jeremy. Both of us going to build each other up. So do keep your words that you'll be with me when I need you. Dahlah don't want to be my friend don't need to be like that right?
Anyway, I think I guess I gotta go hanf out with Jeniffer. Lol. I love her so much. So cute la she. Ahahahahaha. Anyway, gotta go and see her. Latwre she miss me too much. Okie. ciao ppl. Don't worry. I'm not less.!
The story start wif a guy, name Paul anda girl named Ella..Both of were still students but had already startedto 'fall in love'.. in another words, go steady..In oneof the days during their June holidays which theyhave been waiting for, they met each other at abasketball court..Coincidentally, they started playing a match wifeach other.. they had fun..As Ella knew one of the frens of Paul, she askedfor Paul's number.. At tat time, Paul don't want tofall in love again, after getting so much hurt fromthe previous one.. Sadly, tat fren of Paul didn't giveher the number..As days went by, the holidays ended.. They meteach other at another basketball near Ella's skool..
Day went by and Ella borrowed Paul's hp andmissed call her own hp to get his number..Tat very nite, she smsed Paul.. They chatted andhad fun.. Till one day, Ella expressed her love forPaul.. Paul loved her much too.. after thinking 4 along time, Paul thinks tat he and Ella would last,thus, asked her if she would be his partner..Obviously, she agreed..
They went steady for one and a half short mths.. Ella ended the relationship.. with herparents not allowing her to go steady as a reason..who on earth would accept tat lame reason? butPaul, like many other love victims, had no choicebut to let go..Years past and another fell in love wifPaul.. She was Mary..
Paul and Ella didn't contactfor a very long time.. Paul still loved Ellaalots.. butnvr had a chance to tell her.. one day, along astreet, Paul was wif Mary..Paul saw a familiar figure across the road.. Guesswho was tat? it was Ella.. Paul ran acrossed theroad, without noticing a truck coming.. BANG!!everyone near him crowded around tat area..Mary screamed as she rushed to Paul.. Ella joined in the crowd.. She remembered the face, one wholoved her so much in the past.. Next to him, wasMary.. He wasn't dead.. 'dun give up.. say myname, 100 times, 1000 time, a million times.. u'regonna say it till u can finish a million b4 u canstop!!' Mary said to Paul.. with tears in her eyes..Everyone thought Mary was Paul's ger.. Standingat one side, alone, was a ger crying.. tat's was Ellawho regretted breaking up wif Paul, after recallinghow nice Paul treated her in the past..
Paul was sent to the Hospital.. Mary and Ella were there.. Praying hard.. An operation was carriedout.. Paul didn't survive.. The Doctor came out,shaking his head.. Sighed.. He too, thought tatMary was Paul's gerfren, thus approached her for an apology for not being able to revive Paul.. He said to Mary: "Miss Ella.. your boyfren didn'tsurvive.. he gave himself up after calling your name157 times.. im sorry.."The Doctor has actually mistook Mary for Ella..Paul was calling out for Ella.. Ella cried in a corner.. She knew why he had stopped at157.. tat was the day she broke wif him..(15/7) she, who ended the relationship which Paul treasured so much, has in turn, ended Paul's life..
IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE DEEPLY.. NVRLEAVETAT PERSON.. U'LL NVR NOE WHEN U'LLNEEDHIM/HER BACK IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN..TREASURE YOUR LOVED ONCE.. YOU'LL NVRNOE IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WIF YOUR PARTNER WOULD ACTUALLY MEAN A LIFE TO HIM/HER.REMEMBER TO CHERISH EVERY MOMENT YOU HAVE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES. I JUST HOPE HE DID.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Love Story Chapter 13

Jamie thinking : Oh common Jamie, He can't fing out that I
like him. Think something.
Jamie : You're crazy Cal. I don't like you. What makes you say so
something like that?
Cal : I'm serious Jamie. Tell me the truth.
Jamie : I am telling you the truth.
Cal shout : Oh common Jamie stop lieing and tell me the fucking truth!
Jamie gasp. She can't believe thAt Cal said the 'f' word.
Cal : Jamie. Look I'm sorry. I didn't meant to...
Jamie : No. Shut your mouth. I don't wanna hear anything.
Cal : Jamie, please just give me a second to explain why I...
Jamie : No seriously Cal. I don't know you at all. I thought you have
changed but you are still the same old Cal who was a bully
lastime and...
Cal : I am. I am changed I just lost in my words just now. Because
I know that...
Jamie : That I like you? Where did you hear such thing? I didn't
even have a single feeling towards you.
Cal : Oh, is that true?
Jamie : Yes.
Then Cal hold Jamie shoulders with both of his hands.
Cal : Are you really really sure?
Jamie look at him in his eyes. No..She is not sure now. Then finally she said...
Jamie : Cal, you already have a girlfriend. I prefer it if we just be
stay as friends.
Cal : I know. But I just want an honest answer from you and that
is whethee do you have any feelings towards me or not.
Jamie kept quiet for a moment.
Cal : Now, answer me the truth.
Jamie look up at him and said...
Jamie : Yes. I do. But...
She said quickly...
Jamie : I don't want to be couples. I don survive that well and
people are going to go around gossipping about you are going
with a bookworm.
Cal : Hey Jamie. I don't think that way.
Jamie : You don't but your friends think that way.
Cal : That's their problem okay? What matters now is you and
me...
Jamie : No, wait. You and me? Look. Now what matters the most is
you and me stay as friends. Only as friends.
Cal : Take it easy Jamie. You never let me finish. I said you and me
know that we treat each other as friends then that's all
matters
Jamie : Oh. Okie. Well, then I guess there's nothiong to worry about.
Cal : But still if I were to know earlier that you have feelings \
towards me, I'll go after you.
Jamie : Why?
Cal : Coz I have feelings towards you too.
Jamie thingking : No way!! He has feelings towards me? How come I din't
know any of this? How come I didn't feel it?
Cal : But anyway, it is too late. I have a girlfriend and a great
bestfriend like you. I don't care about anything else already.
Jamie : Okay. Let's go...
Jamie thinking : Before I go crazy.
Then when Cal reach home to his house, he straight away went up to his room and lie down on his bed. It feels so nice to be in his house. He close his eyes and almost went to sleep but then his mind suddenly has this visual of Jamie's face hurting. He open his eyes and get up. He keep on thinking that Jamie do have feelings on him but keep on wondering why didn't she tell him that when he was single? Instead she helped him get back together with Melanie.
Cal thinking : Wow. That really must be hurting to her. How come I didn't realise?
I'm such a jerk.
Then Cal dialed Jamie's number. He mom picked up.
Jamie's mom : Hello?
Cal : Hello, may I speak to Jamie please?
Jamie's mom : Oh, she's not at home.
Cal thinking : Not at home? That's weird. But I thought I saw her went in
her house went we go home together.
Cal : Do you know where she went?
Jamie's mom : I believe she went to the park near her house.
Cal : OH. Okie. Thanks. Click.
Cal put down the phone and straight away grab his car keys and jacket. He is going to make things clear once and for all. Eventhough he not yet settle it with Melanie, he is going to settle it with Jamie first. Coz he knows that he is crazy over Jamie more than Melanie coz he keep on thinking about his bestfriend more than his girlfriend and that ain't right. So he quickly lock the front door and open his car door and started the engine. He drove off as quickly as he could.
Cal thinking : I've lost Jamie jsut now bnack in the college and I'm not going
to lose her now. Though she never wanna be couples with me,
I know she wants it very badly. I love her. What? I love her?
Oh my God. Okay, fine, I love her and she has feelings on me
so it is not a weird thing right? Anyway, I'm going to let her
know clearly in her mind that I love her more than anything.
Hope she accepts me.
END OF CHAPTER 13
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Still alive. My silly dream. Still wish it is true though.

Hey ppl. Not sure how I'm doing. Lately been going crazy. Surely the problem is because of the break up thingie. He said he wanted to be my friend. To me, we can't even talk right now. And he wants to give me time? I don't need time. If I need time, I will feel sad. I just need him to be beside and that's all I really ever wanted. All I ever wanted is jsut to be with him.
I don't think he get what I mean. In my previous post, I told you guys that I don't want him to know anything more about me but maybe I can't keep anything from him if I'm still posting blogs. My blog is my only friend that I need to express everything I would love too. I don't give a shit if it's personal or not. It is my opinion and if people who doesn't bother want to read it, then don't! Cos, u don't even know me. Whoever knows me is the only person that is gonna read this. Anyway, I don't even care whoever reads it. So what? I'm already dead. People who wanna make comments on me then go ahead. I got nothing to hide. It is like the end of the world. To me. Without seeing him, just for one day, I feel sad and my whole world is about to turn into night and gloomy. As you can see I'm living in a world of darkness with no light.
Um, I don't know what to write anymore. It is a miracle that I'm still alive. Not sure how to handle this. I don't feel like doing anything now. Feel like wanna go and jump down from building. Feel like going to sleep and never wake up.
Speaking of dream, I have a very weird dream . It is not a dream. It was what I think. But it is just a stupid dream that will never come true. The dream goes like this. I was walking alone in my college carrying my pink colour file and carrying some of my sketch books. Then later on, I saw Chris talking to his friends but I didn't care. I wanted so much to wallk to him and his friends actually but somehow we already break up, I can't do that. So I just walk away. And then few months later, there's this guy actually wanted to tackle me but I don't wanna say the name. Quite embarassing. But it is just a dream. NOT TRUE! So this guy keep on approaching me and I felt so nice when he was there. But somehow, I still cannot get my mind off Chris. I still love him. Then later after our class, that guy said bye to me and when I turn to my right, I saw Chris looking at me. He smiled. I tried to smile back but I couldn't and I turn to my left and wanted to walk off but he grab my hand. I stop walking and turn around. I look directly into his eyes. There was pain in his eyes. Chris said" Jess, I don't want you and me to keep on going on like this. It had been a ferw months already. Can't you just stop thinking of me an be my friend?" I look down. He still holding my hand and said... "I...I...can't. Coz I still love you so much." I look up at him and contiNue talking."Maybe you will not understand since the day when you said you love me, the stars in my sky are beginning to shine and shimmer" As I studied his face, I knew that Chris don't understand what am I saying. "Huh?" Then I shook my head. "Nevermind" Then I wanted to go but he never let me go. I asked him to let me go but he said that he will not let go not until I agree to be his friend. Then I told him that we are already friends. He didn't know that so he let go of my hand but I started to cry when he let me go and he asked me why am I crying. "Nothing. I was just thinking about our past moments" Then Chris said, " tell me". Then I told him that I was too sad one day and I cry terribly and suddenly my heart stop beating. I was so shocked and I thought that was the end of my life. I tried to breath slwoly but it was so pain that I couldn't move an inch. Then I didn't breath for like 5 seconds and then I try breathing again and then that pain was not there anymore. I told him that time I knew that I was too sad. I went to see the doctor and he said I have a sickness. Cancer. The doctor advised me not to cry so much.I took his advice but still my body is very pain. I'm going to be gone soon. When I told him that, he was sooooo sad. Look at his face I already know. He was so shocked and stun. He was just looking at the ground with a confusion look on his face. I was crying while I was telling him. Then I wanted to walk off then he grab me and hug me. And this is what he said which will never happen. "Jess, I'm sorry. I didn't know that this is going to happen to you. I love you so much. I still love you. I just didn't want us to get together because it is gonna hurt you. Please. Understand. I don't know what I did or what I do to make you so in love with me until you cry everyday and it is like because of me you are having this sickness." Then I wanted to cut him off but he continued and at the same time, his voice was trembling. He is gonna cry any moment. "Jess, please, don preasure yourself anymore. Please. Give me one more chance." I was like confuse. I said.."one more chance for what?" Then he look at me and said "one more chance to be your boyfriend that I started not to be. I promise that this time I'm gonna treat you way much more better. I know I will." Then i was crying again still in his arms. It feels so good to be in his arms and I said that... "please don't say like that because I'm going to be gone soon. Coz I still remember that lastime when I asked you what will you do if I'm gonna die. You said you will even marry me and spend the last moment and cherish every single moment you have with me." Then Chris said, "I know I've said that but that's because I was with you. I regreted not appreciating you. Now you are going to go and I wish I don't need to say this after I know that yoiu have sickness and trust me it is not because of the sickness I'm saying this. Anyway, please Jess, give me a chance to take care of you. Please". That time I couldn't just say no. I gave back some response on the hug and hug him tighter and I just nodded my head. And that's it. I cried in real after that thinking or so called dream finish. And I know it was just so silly. But after that I keep on thinking is is when I have a sickness then only he will appreciate his last moments with me? I keep on thinking that way. Anyway, aih, just wish thaT I was never born and never need to face this dreadful world. I'm so dead now. Anyway, I wish that Chris can come and talk to me. I love him still so much but if he still can be my good friend, then I'm so sure that I won't be sad all the time. Coz he is with me all the time. I just need him to be with me all the time. If only he understands this. At da moment, the only thing that can make me happe is he being with me all the time and I will be healed after a few days. I guess.
Okie ler. ciao!