Thursday, April 28, 2005


Yes. As I expected already ler. Since someone is already chacking out my blog I need to wtach out for watever I wanna say. Sorry people but don't blame me for being bitchy and acting bitchy okay? I'm usually always the emotional and lauging type of girl that likes to go crazy and make a fool out of myself. And chilidish at times. but since someone who claims that that fella is so mature and says I am childish, hah, okie then, whoever knows me, don blame me for being someone I'm not. And I never wish to be like this. I'm just so damn bluddy pissed off now and God knows why. God and my friends. Yeah just to be sure whoever wanna judge me being childish? Hello? Look up at the bright side? Why do they even care about me being childish or watsoever? What? Are they jealous that I'm just too childish and cute? Hey, God created me to be like this. Whether you like it or not. My friends and family has no problem of me and why should anyone be any different?
Is this call an online journal or diary? Yeah, ure personal watever u wanan post u just post it especially ure feelings rite? DUH! And whoever says that they are shy to write and shouldn't write in a journal, go get ureself a diary with a lock la. No need to have a blog then. It doesnt matter who reads it man. What matters is ure closest friends or whoever u expect to read, reads it. The whoel world reads it so what? Do they even know who the heck are you? I'm not even Jessica Simpson 4 goodness sake!! Argh. Get out of my life la PEople!! People that claims I'm too childish or watso ever, get out of my life. U have ure own life to settle man. Don go telliung me what to do. I know what to do. I admit I don know a lot of things about life but hey, at least I have some experience. People wanan give advices this days, haih, fail. I give them ar, the grade...oh, don't wanna say coz someone might be saying I'll be talking crap again. Oh, I'm sorry. Thuis is just me. Whether u like it or not? I lvoe to be my ownself. And this right now is my dark side already. I'm not bitchy like this. Oh pu~~leaeeeeeeeeassee. Like I will be so bluddy cool in all of this? Try to see ureself 1st ler ppl. Look ureself in the mirror. Immatture or matture? Who the **** cares man? Maybe only those people claims themslef tha they are mature emough to tink. And I donmind if you already have a job or anything that's different. But not when U are still schooling man. Ish, people this days. Goodbye people who claims themselves as "I'M SO MATURE." gO dream!!
Don't understand anything but wanna boast saying "oh, I'm so mature. I want you to change. Don't be so childish. How old are you man? Use your brains. Define the word forever" Oh hello? Knock knock your head up there. Maybe u should take back ure words man. U also not yet grow up. Grow up first ler. Wanna tell me what to do? In the next 20th cemtury first ler hor? and People have no right to tell me to grow up when they their ownself not yet even grow up. Go and look ureself in the mirror or spen more time with God man. Go ask him things that you don understand coz all of u are still small man kids!!!!! Buzz out of my life dudes and duddetes.. Can't stand me? This is how u kids have made me. Whether You like it or not? Live with it ler Kids!! This is not my trueself by the way. I need time ti change back.
Message : u noe who u are. I know you are not too dumb to even noe who am i referring too. I'm referring too 3 people here and don't assume if you don't know. Go settle ure own lifes 1st man!! Go ask God wat is lacking in ure life man. EISH!!!!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Tired and gotta to do work now. Haih, Trying to find some pictures 4 later on. Haih. So tiring and my baby is gone. He went to petaling street to go and take pictures where else I'm here and no idea on what picture should I take also.So frustrated over that just now. Anyway, just wanna say to my dear that i Love him so much and I have no idea how many times have I said that to him today but not in the face.LOL!Okie ler, nothing else to write anymore jor. Bye bye! Not in da mood. No energy.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Love Story Chapter 12

Lecture in Jamie's class. She is not even paying any attention on what the teacher is saying.
Jamie thinking : Was I mean to him just now?
Then all of a sudden, Jamie's teacher...
Jamie's teacher : Jamie!
Jamie was shocked.
Jamie : Huh? Yes?
Jamie's teacher : Can you answer me question number 12?
Jamie : Oh, um, sure.
She stand up and wanted to answer the questions, but she stare at the board blankly.
Jamie : Um, teacher, you didn't teach us this chapter yet.
Jamie's teacher
shouting : What do you mean I never teach you!? What were you doing?
day dreaming?
Jamie thinking :You can say that. Oh no.
Jamie's teacher : You stay back after class.
Jamie thinking : Great. I'm staying back and gonna be the talk of the class.
Jamie look around her class and everyone was whispering to one another. This is just not her day. First was Cal telling his great news and now was this. But she won't get into this mess if she don't think so much about Cal. Again, Cal, the thought of him again.
Jamie thinking : Get out of my brain Cal. GET OUT!!!GET OUT!!!
Kringg!!! Bell rang. Finish class. But sadly Jamie got to stay back after class.
Jamie's teacher : Jamie, come here.
Jamie swallowed her saliva and walk to her teacher. As soon as she reach there...Jamie...
Jamie : I'm so sorry sir. I...
Jamie's teacher : Keep quiet and sit down.
Jamie thinking : Sigh. I wouldn't want too.
Jamie sit down and put her hands on her tigh. She sit down quietly observing her teacher's expression. But it is hard.
Jamie's teacher : So, let me see Jamie. I think your reputation is going down. What is
happening to you? You use to pay attention in class and what happen
today is a shock to the whole class and not to mention me too. Tell me,
are you having and hard times in your family or any problems at all?
Jamie : No. I don't have any problems. Just that...
Jamie stop herself. She can't exactly say that she have problems with a guy right? Thats not even a good reason.
Jamie's teacher : Um, go on.
Jamie : Oh sorry. Um, nothing....just tired that's all.
Jamie thinking : Lame answer Jamie. Just so totally lame. Now I'm screwed.
Jamie's teacher : That's not an excuse Jamie.
Jamie : I know sir, but um, just that I got a lot of homeworks lately and I didn't
get enough sleep lately. So I can't really pay attention. I'm so sorry. I know
it is not a good reason but I can assure you that it won't happen again.
Jamie's teacher : Are you sure you can assure me?
Jamie thinking : Oh great. But why can't I assure him that it won't happen again?
Jamie's teacher : What will happen if it happen again?
Jamie : Um, don't worry sir,. That time, you can call my parents.
Jamie's teacher : Okay. Deal. But please don't do it again.
Jamie : I won't.
Then Jamie look at the corner of her eyes. Someone was standing there. She look fully. And she saw Cal was outside her class. She look at his eyes and saw hurt expression in his eyes.
Jamie thinking : Why he look so sad? Oh, must be something about Melanie and he is
coming to me to ask help. For sure.
Jamie's teacher : Okay, you may go.
Jamie : Thanks sir. See you tommorrow.
Jamie's teacher : Remember to go back and study that chapter since you weren't paying
Jamie : I will.
Jamie waved to her teacher and went out. She saw Cal and she stopped walking. She somehow just wanted to walk away and leave him there. But that is going to be very mean. And she knows that she means something to him...
Jamie thinking ; Maybe not anymore since Melanie is all he can think of.
Then Cal walk towards her.
Cal : What's that all about?
Jamie : What?
Cal : That. Your teacher. About you staying back?
Jamie : I just need lectures and you don't need to know and care so much.
Cal : How could you say that Jamie. I care for you coz I...
Then Cal stop. Jamie look at him. There's something that he wanted to tell her but he just can't at the moment.
Jamie : Because you what?
Cal ; Because I...I can't lose you as a friend.
Jamie : Hmm, as a friend? a friend huh?
Cal : Well what else you want? As a girlfriend?
Jamie thinking : I wish.
Jamie : I wish I can have a boyfriend but yoy know what? I will never get one
with my attitude like that.
Cal : Like what?
Jamie : A bookworm freak like what you always think me as.
Cal : Hey Jamie. I don't think you as someone like that. How could you say
Jamie :Look, I'm very tired Cal. I gotta go.
Cal grab her hand...push her towards his chest and hug her tightly like not letting her go.
Jamie was shocked.
Jamie thinking : What is he doing? What if Melanie saw him hugging me?
Jamie :Um, Cal? What are you doing?
Cal whispering : I don't know. But all I know is that I don't know what has gotten in to you.
And I don't wanna lose you as a friend. You are a special girl that changed
my life.
Then Cal stop hugging her but still holding her.
Cal :If I lose you, I'll be losing someone special. It is like my life is not complete.
Jamie : Why are you saying all this to me? Aren't you suppose to say it to your
Cal : That's the problem. I don't feel that way.
Jamie :
Cal close her lips with his second finger.
Cal : Shh! You don't need to say anything. I just don't want you to ignore me
Jamie ; Was I ignoring you? I'm sorry.
Cal : No Jamie. You are not the one suppose to say sorry. It is me. I know I did
a lot of things that hurt you. And I never realise it. But I want to make sure
one thing.
Jamie :What is that?
Cal : Do you have feelings towards me?
All of a sudden, Jamie felt so stun. Why is he asking this quesiton to her?
Jamie thinking : How does he know? Does he have six sense? How am I going to answer
him? He looks serious by the way.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Friday, April 22, 2005

Happy Happy Happy!

Wondering why I put that up there? Coz I'm so bluddy happy. Ahahahaha! Yesterday me and Chris almost broke up and my sister talk somethings to him and well we are back together again! Ahahahaha. That's why I'm so happy now. It looks like this relationship, I mean the new one, is going to turns out pratically well. I can say that I didn't think much about our relationship anymore. No more hurts and painess like the previous one.
Maybe I feel it this way is because everything that we talk about yesterday on the phone is settled. Settled and there's nothing to think about anymore. Hmmm, ther's one thing I need to think and that's the telephone bill!! Argh!! I know I got to pay up my dad. But I don't know how much. Feel like crying. Haih. Anyway, talk to him yestrday until I cannot wake up for the bus. Ahahahaha. He somemore send me sms telling me to come faster. Ahahahahaha. I also not yet wake up. Then when I wake up, I striaght away take the my hp and open the message and that time was alrady 8.10a.m. ahahahahaha. I become supergirl also I cannot reach in time ler.Anyway, all I wanna say is, I don't want this relationship to end anymore. Take it slow, get to know each other and set his priorities right. I love him so much that no one can eer tak ehim away from me. Of coz we take things slow but still got the lovey dovey thingie ler.. Ahahahaha. Okie ler.. bye bye!! So happy!! Love you so much my baby! Muakzzzzz!!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Tired and used to it

So tired today. Kinda feel sleepy. Kinda got to apy attention to the class right now. On how to use quark express.But the thing is I can't hear a thing. So soft and ahh, don't care la just write my blog better. Anyway, soooooooooooo sleepy now. I can;t hear what the hell is that fella talking about. LOL!!!.

Am I feeling depressed? Lol. I don't know whether am I deprssed or not but a little. Hehe. I feel depressed alaso can still laugh. No la. I also don't know what am I feeling now. Maybe feeling depressed a bit lor. Haih, miss him so damn much coz never realyl spend time with him. I'm trying to do his way which is neglecting him and give him space. Trying too.

Nowadays I got the feeling of jealousy striking inside my heart. I kinda got a suspicious feeling that he and Ling Wei are so close to each other. It is like they are always together wherever he goes and she is not his girlfriend and I know that she is his classmate or his group or whatever but me, his own girlfriend can't spend much time with him and this other girl could. I really wish that I and him always will be together and stuff.I didn't get this type of feeling until when we have arguments. I trust him but I don't trust her. I know that she already has someoen on her mind but still, aih, i'm jsut too sensitive and there's nothing no one can ever do about it.

Somtimes I feel whether do I really deserve to have him? He said to me yes but he don't deserve to have me. And that's not a single bit true. My so called long lost bestfriend called me last night and we are talking to each other about our love life and all those stuff. And I todl her about my problem that are already settle in not a very clear condition and she told me to tell my boyfriend.This is what she say. She tell me my boyfriend is a failure. Everyone is a failure including her and me and all these people who live in the world. If we are not a failure, we won't learn from our mistakes. She told me not to give up and change him. She asked me to tell him that I will never leave him no matter what and accept and received him for whatever he is now. And later on, he got to do the same thing and he will if I change him. Make him realise that I mean something to him and I know that he realises that now.She asked me to tell him that "if you are not a failure, you wouldn't be as who you are today. There will be no way to victory. Believe in yourself that you can change for me. I know you love me and no doubts can ever take that away from you. You said that yourself yesterday and that's when you got to proove it. Proove it to the whole wide world and especially to God that someone that is waiting for you to change for a very long long time is still waiting for you. Treasure me with all your heart baby. I know you are trying so hard until you pile it up to make it as a burden to you now but please don't ever do that. If you ahve any problems, just talk it out. No matter is good or bad just talk it out.No matter it is hurting to me or it is happiness or even it is an embarassing statement, just tell me. Coz I'm willing to always be and ange and your baby to be beside you to comfort, to hear and to guide you wherever you go. Baby, if you want me to tell you this face to face, I'm not shy too. Just tell me if you want me to say it out sincerely then I will. Sometimes, people do stupid things just for love and I'm one of them, but this is not to the extreme yet. You know why? Now i Understand why. It is because part of their life is already commited to the person they love like me. Part of my life is already commited to you. Like how brothers and sisters in christ commited their whole life to God our father. This is love relationship. No matter what baby, you are always the one I take seriosuly. I know that you are not a boyfriend matertial type but I believe tha one day you will change. I don't know when, I don't know how but I know that you will change. You won't be the same way as how are you today. in relationship. You will be a guy that will be the most romantic guy a girl could ever asked for. Actually I want to change you not because for me. It is for other girls. If I finally change you but along the way, I quit the job but I manage to change you, I'm sure that other girls will be attracted to you. And that time, I feel happy because I've done my mission and it is time for me to let you go. But now, I'm doing it for me 1st and if it doesn't work, that means I fail. Baby, just wait and give your chance freely. Open your heart for me and yourself baby." That's what she asked me to say.But actually not exactly ler. Something like that la. But not so long ler.This is almost all my words. So touching.

Anyway, let's go back to me and Chris especially about my stupid jealousy feeling. EEISHHH!! Geramnya. I don't want to feel this way honest but I just can't help it. It is like she is always with him instead of me. And my baby sometimes stand so near to her. So so near as if he is guiding her from any other guys to touch her. Aih. Nevermind la. I just am a loser la. I'm always a loser but I'm gonna change him and that's the least I can do for him not knowing. Okie ler, ciao.. Still sad though but not so pain.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

1 month anniverssary

Finally, I MONTH ANNIVERSSARY!Well, to you guys out there, 1 month is just nothing. To me especially with Chris is something. Fights, arguments, depression, sadness,happy, unforgettable moments and sweetest times is all we have faced. What else is gonna seperate us apart? I can answer you that. Two things. GOD and family. bUT both of us have no problem with that.
I'm so happy for myself and him too. Well, kinda have a fight today but it is the most sweetest and painful moments. WHat I meant by sweetest coz he understands me completely and he have made everything clear to me. In my blur mind. Everything is so clear now. And what I meant by painful moments is, no need to tell you guys la. Coz you all have seen my previous blog lor. This relationship is the most weirdest and thoughest relationship I haved faced. Especially with all the assignments and all those datelines. Eisshhhhh, kacaunya. Well, what to do? Love is not everything to me and love is not only for happiness. There will be no happiness in this world. Not completely.
My baby asked me today. Is love everything to me? I can easily tell him no. As I was eating just now. I think back. Is love everything to me? I think no. Coz since when I was standard 1 till 6, I hated love. I don't like it until I went to form 1 then I love the topic 'love' a lot. Maybe I like a guy and then there's when I started to develop love into my life. Love is important. It is. You have no love, you woudn't be born and this world would not have peace. If no love, you wouldn't be created too. You wouldn't even existed. God loves you that's why he created us. Our parents loves us. Our mom born us out. And we love each other in this world that's why there's peace. In relationship, there will be a lot of misunderstnading between two parties. And with that, we cannot settle it with fighting but talk it out and understand what actually both parties wants. Right now, if you ask me whether love is important in my life, it is. It is really important. I can tell you striaght away that I can die without love. SERIOUSLY. But before I do that, I will call up my friends if I break up with any of my boyfriend. And all this years, my friends are being vwery supportive towards me. And that's why I treasure them. Chris is a though mission for me. Andwell, I love challenge.
I'm trying not to be so emotional so that Chris won't get the wrong meaning of my face. LOL. Look, at least right now, I can say the word LOL out. To me is like days I never said that word out. In my story, I will always do love stories. Coz I love it. It is so nice. If you have experience in love, it is a good thing. I have experienced a lot. When it comes to love problem, my friend always comes to me for advices. But for my own problem, I can't settle myself. Right now, part of my life is already devoted to my baby. So if he ever leave me, it is gonna be another break down for me. But I know that he will not and never ever do that after today. I can see it that he really means it. For your information baby and guys out there. If you are wondering whether Chris is the baby that I really cannot let go and treasure most, I can tell you seriously and honestly, the answer is yes. Remember this, once I say something, I don't take my words back. Okie ler, kinda got to go and study for tommorows BM class. Sei mou!! Argh! So tired ler.. Just come back by the way. Lol!!
Heyaaa people. Now still in college waiting for my bus which will be coming at 7.30 and I have no idea what will I do till then. Myabe just gonna browse through internet gua. And um, well, kinda got into a fight. Not to say fight ler. Just that my baby kinda thought that we got to sort things out. And yeah we did and finally he express everything in his little heart out to me which really hurts me a lot at first. Coz whatever he told me was all negative things. There was not even a single word of positive in the conversation which make me break down and I cried in front of him. I didn't want to do that but his wrods were so so so hurting until I can't stand it and I broke down. Cryign in front of him is not what I intend to do but what to do? Emotional ma. Anyway, we sort things out. Now he is treating me like his fwens but more deeper. OF coz must be much more deeper la if not whats the difference?
Anyway, well, we kinda got a lot of argumetns lately but all is settle and juist now afternoon was the only time when he is really really serious and stuff which scares me a lot. Well, I never seen him this way but anyway, that was him . THE REAL HIM. Well, like what he said he will not leave me and I will believe. I told him that I will wait 4 him until he change. And I know he will but only don't know when. Slowly change him lor. He told me he can't change and well, I know he can't. iT'S NOt easy. Like me. It's not easy to change myself either and I don't want him to change completely. To me, I will try to put him back in relationship status but not to the extreme because thatt's definitely not him. Anyway, I think I gotta ciao. Looks like the lights in the lab gonna shut off any moment. Okie ler.

Dear, If u are reading this, just wanna tell u that again that I will wait 4 u. Of coz like what you said how long will I stand. I can't answer you that but if that particular day I can't stand u, me, my ownself will tell you that this relationship is over.I know what to do and I will know myself how long will I stand. But in my heart, and in ure heart, I know that you want to change but just can't. Slowly baby. I will change you but only in bng reltaionship. Others, you can handle yourself. I'm gonna put you back on track in ure life like what other guys do. And with that, you gotta give ureself a chance again to be open in relationship once more. Like you said that you won't wanna leave me and don want to have doubts about leaving me.I too think the same way. In another hand, you gotta make sure that you give me a chance to change you in the same time. I know that you will always give your chance on anything. Now for me, spending time is nothign anymore. I have a mission right now and I will not quit until I finish that mission. Eventhough until I can't stand it, then i'll quit but I know that I can do it. Of course not only with no ones help. I need your help too to willing to learn and give me a chance. I will always support u in everythign you do baby and with the help of each other, I know that this relationship is gonna last forever. Please never think anymore negative thoughts. It's gonna be very hurting again. About reedom, I'm not sure whether can I give you that. It's hard. Coz I don't know whats your definition of freedom. Well, we will see how thing goes. Rigth now we alreaduy have a lot of problems going on and let's taje it slow okay? Well, baby, I hope you are willing to give me a chance to change you only in reltationship. I will not force you anymore on what you don't want. Trust me. You won't feel a thing when I change you. You won't even realise but after I've mangaed to fulfill my mission, then I'll tell u. You will finally know what I waNT you to be like but your personallity will not change only in relationships. I won't change you. I just wanna change you in what guys should do in relationships like um, my definition of spending time, I will not call you anymore. Instead, you will be the one asking me out nextime. And you will know that you are not a loser because you are sarting to change for me a little bit already as I can see. I just need to bare for a few months or maybe years but to do this mission of mine, I'll be happy later on.

Love Story Chpater 11

Jamie waited for Cal like what he said at her locker at lunch time.
Jamie : He's late.
Then, not long after that, Jamie saw Cal running towards her. As soon as he reach to her, Jamie...
Jamie : Finally, what's keeping...
Cal : No time. Come.
Then Cal took her arm.
Jamie : Hey Cal, whats the rush?
Cal : You'll see.
Jamie thinking : Hmm, this is getting exciting.
Then later after that Cal brought Jamie to the cafeteria which makes Jamie felt weird and also she was so excited. Then after that Cal stop walking. Looks like he is looking for someone. Then later he waved. Jamie followed his gaze. She saw Melanie waving and then something strucked her.
Jamie thinking : Oh no. He bring me here to eat lunch with her?
ThenMelanie and her other friends came. Cal stand beside Melanie and said to Jamie...
Cal : Jamie, thanks for your help. You've been a good bestfriend. I reallu
am greatful to have you as a friend. Even Melanie is greatful.
Jamie L Uh-huh, and what's all this about?
Cal : We want to tell you that I and her are back together.
Melanie : You can't get what we wanna tell you? You are so blur.
Jamie : Yeah. I know I am. I prefer people telling me striaght. I don't like
guessing games.
Cal : Oh. Sorry.
Melanie : Oh common Cal. You don't nbeed to say sorry in this type of
situation. It is just a small thing. Anyway. I'm starving. Let's go get
something to eat.
Jamie thihking : So this is all he wanted to tell me? I've been a total fool.
Then Jamie eat with Cal and his and her other friends. Jamie can't stand Melanie keep on complimenting herself. So she aster eat and wanan walk off.
Jamie : Sorry. But I got to go.
Cal : Commone Jamie. Stay ahile.
Jamie : I really got to go.
Melanie :It doesn't matter anyway. We'll see you around. Bye.
Jamie thinking : You wouldn't be seeing me anymore.
With that, she said goodbye once more and turn around withour even looking at Cal. Cal knew that there's something tis wrong and he wants to find out what is it because if he don't, there will be something that he won't feel satisfied. After lucng, Cal company Melanie back to her class and faster go and find Jamie. He saw her outside of her class.
Cal thinking : Good which means her teacher isn't here yet.
Then he called out her name. Jamie turn.
Cal : Hey.
Jamie : Hey.
Cal : No teacher in the class?
Jamie : Nope. Waiting for him.
Cal : I see.
Moment of silentness. Then Cal begin talking.
Cal : Um, look Jamie. I got a feeling that you weren't comfortable with
me and Melani back together. I know that her manners is a little
bit out. She is really trying to accept you as her friend.
Jamie ; Trust me Cal. I don't want her to be my friend.
Cal : Jamie, please. I know that she hurt you very badly but...
Jamie : Sorry. teacher is here. Talk to you other time when you got the
Cal : Why wouldn't I have the time?
Jamie : How am I suuppose to know? Maybe Melanie wuld want to
spend time withj you 24/7.
Cal can't say anything. All of a sudden Jamie si being so mean to him and maybe even ignoring him. He don't like the looks of that. He don't feel nice. Losing Melanie is not so much stress as losing Jamie to be his friend. But it should be the other way around.
Cal thinking : Is going back with Melanie a big mistake? Oh no. I don't know
anything but ahh, what the hell? I love Melanie do I? If I'm going
to keep on going on like this, I and Melanie will have a bad
relationship. Looks like I just need to neglect Jamie. She is acting
weird too all of a sudden. She is totally ignoring me so it is not my
fault. Yeah, it is not my fault. Sigh, but somehow, I really don't
know what I want. So confused. I thaught going back with Melanie
is gonna solve everything but it just make things worst.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Monday, April 18, 2005

Ahahahahahaha...Singing on stage.

Yesterday was so embarassign man. I sang in church and that was not embarassing. The most embarassing statement was when I sang wrongly. OMG! Anyway, ahahahahaha, It was nice. Lol, the 1st experince in ym life. LOL! Anyway kinda miss my baby today. We kinda got into a fight and well, again like what we always do is talk things out and yeah, thinks begin to become better.
Well, the problem actually was him not good in this type of relationships and stuff. Well, he said he will try to spend more time with me in college and stuff but I will try not to push him so much in going out with me but that's what I really want lor. Haih. Anyway, the testimonial that he sent me was sooooooo sweet and i LOVE IT. It's so sweet.
No doubt he has hurt me a lot but I want him never to hurt me again and I know that that's just his 1st mistake. I know that he will not do that again. Well, challenge? Well, our relationship is a challenge. A very strong chalenge. No 2nd thought about that. But well, after all we've been trhough the problem now is just about spending time and it is settle by him saying that he will try to spend much more time now. And if he really don't feel like going out and what I mean by that is really really don't feel like going out I won't wanan force him anymore. Coz he said that he will give me one face if I force him.
Dear, if you feel guilty of the petrol, then u pay lor sometimes. I also don't want to force you so much. Don't feel so guilty lor then you pay lor for the petrol half half. A message from me to you dear is try spending more time with me lor. And I'm just saying and giving suggestions ar. But like what you said every saturday during college week, got to go out okie? That's a promise okay?Today in college was nice. He is himself and I know he was acting himself. And I love him this way. He didn't at all ignore me. That's what I was talking about but he never say bye bye. EISH! But never mind la. Small matter only. Hope this spending time thingie is jsut a small thing to him. Okie, ciao. Baby I love you. Muakzz!!

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Dissapointment from my baby. CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

Not to say that I don't understand anything about him. I understand and he was like you know, telling me that we ARE GONNA GO OUT THIS COMING SATURDAY WHICH IS TODAY! So sure of it. And the only thing that I wanted him to go back early yesterday so that I can see him today but NO!I was fucking wrong. I called him and thaught of going out with him. And hello, it is a Satuday night. What the hell?
Dahlah. Everyone I know is like going out and have fun but not me. I'm just gonna go out with my sister and her boyfriend seeing her and her bf playing snooker and what am I suppose to do there? Watch? Without anyone there to talk too. This Saturday night is ruin. Definitely. I can already picture it. I was looking so forward to it. And now, thanks to him. What? He thinks he can just ask me to call someone else out just to go out? You think I love to spend time with all my other friends rather spending time with my own precious one? I really don't understand him AT ALL! NO MORE!
Better if I just go clubbing and meet other guys la. If that's what he really wants because I can't take it anymore. What the heck? Don't he understand anything by now? I love to spend time with him not with other people. I want to have some moments spending tome with him but what is he thinking? He thinks that I wanna go out with other people. At least jsut go out? NO! I just want to spend time with him. Am I asking much? I can garuntee on Monday he is totally going to ignore me. See la. I know.
So pissed off right now. ARGH!!!!!! Where got such boyfriend don't feel like going out. He is not even willing to go out with me. He is willing to serve God but not willing to go out with me. Hello, I am tired too but I still got time for him. Why doesn't he have time for me? I'm so hurt feeling pain in the inside now. Yesterday he tells me a dierent thing and now he is acting a diferent thing. EEEEISH!!
I let him go off early coz he told me he is willing to spent time wiht me when he has the time. And he is not doing it today. And 4 goodness sake it is a SATURDAY!!!! What the heck? He knows it means alot o things to me and why can't he understands that he means something to me too? Meaning that I wanan spent time with him not anyone else. ARGH!! Kek sei ngor ar!!!! ROAR!!!! Fuck man. So damn pissed. So damn bored!!
Haih, please la, why the heck he still don understand what I really want in this relationship? Why he still wants me to go and call some other guy to go out when that day means something to me? He don't care is it that I call someone else to go out with me? He want me to leave him is it? He wants other guys to get the opportunity to go out with me and tackle me? Is that what he wants? I already promise him I don't want that and he is acting this way. Fine. I don't know what am I gonna do tonight. Hopefully I'm still lalive and I'm fine. Bye bye people. Still can't believe it. So dissapointing. Really feel like I should just.......................................

Just came back

Just came back from seeing my baby. This whole week is like seeing him almost everyday. I love it. Don't know whether he likes it or not. And nowadays, I always stop in front of his apartment and we will talk and talk and talk.LOL!Talk about all sorts of things. Today was the worst. He really really make me laugh and I nearly shoot everything out from my...urm, no need until so detail la.
Anyway, I'm so glad that we are growing everyday. Our relationship is growing stronger and stronger each and everyday and it is really really great. I love him and I promise him that I will not let him go. I said I rpomise. Chun Hoe teach me that when I rpomise someone, make sure you can do it. Unlike Dexter which is a liar. Anyway, back to me and my baby. Lol. I know that I can do that. Like what he prommise me back too. He said to me that he wil not leave me too and it is a promise from him but he told me if it's something major that he got to leav me, that's a different case already. But to me, I don't care. Whatever it is, even if it's something major, I'm going to face it together with him and we are gonna settle it together. The only thing that he don't want to happen is either one of us will leave each other for someone else. I told to Dexter before that I can't trust myself. I told him striaght off. But to me now, like for exmaple Bryan called me, okay, yes, I got freaked out but I didn't want him back. Really no more feeling already between him and me. I'm not sure whether he still has feelings on me but to me.. NO MORE!
Sometimes I wish that Chris can see how sincere am I in love and how much I really put love in my life. Well, maybe he alreadyknows. I've changed so much and well, I'm happy about it. Lol. Okie ler.. Wanna go laio. Bye bye. And goodnight!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Nice date!! Samara!(ring 2) Go watch it.

Well. well well. Yesterday was not bad at all actually. Hee hee. Though we had some arguments, but Ahhh, wat the heck? I don't care. Everything went smoothly. It really went smoothly. LOL!He hug me like he don't want to let me go. And he kiss me so many times. Ahahahahaha. FOR THE 1ST TIME~~~~.LOL! Anyway, well, I really love this baby of mine. Although he is a bit sensitive and I can't talk to him in msn, but he is still a boyfriend that I always wish and also hoped for. (Hopefully his mom and sis likes me. Not so sure how his brother thinks about me).
Anyway, ooooooooooo, my sis is back. Lol,did I tell you about my sister and him? Lol!They tottally can click and well, ahahahahahahaha, they all so funny. Happy to know that too. Yesterday i park my car in front of his apartment and we have the moments like that day on monday again. So romantic. He said to me how nice if my car rooftop can open then can see stars. Ahahahahaha. I wish that too baby. I wanna see it with you. But actually the most I wanna see is fireworks with my baby. I love u more than words can say baby. Nothing much to write anymore. Oh, and we watch Samara(the ring 2) DEN DEN DEN!! But it was not scary. Ring 1 scarier. Lol. Ahahahaha. Okie ler.. Feel like playing gb. LOL. But my gb got something wrong.ROAR!!!!

Fuk u Dexter!!!! U GO HELL!!Hope u read this.

Soory 4 that word up there. But seriously man What? Is he jealous or something? Sorry la. I really got a boyfriend. Why? He jealous? If he jealous then go find one la/ Or wait for the ONE ahahahaha. That's what I always says. But ya noe, If he is so jealous, why not just go find someone else? I hate him go posting bulletins about his stupid ucking feelings. It suk to da max. Anyway, I wouldn't wanna care about his stupid feelings which doesn't mean anything to me anymore. It doesn't mean anything at all. Who is going to care about what he says? Only idiots will.
I'm getting sick about his whining and stuff like that. I hate him so so so much. Why the heck is he so bluddy sensitive? I hate it man. I know I have a few bad points on what i said. But he is like soooooooooooooo siu hei. Dah lah not wit me anymore but still wanna go post bulletin board? Common. That suks man.
He always tink that HELL is a nice place to go and want people to go to hell. The deepest hell somemore. Why not we go hell and he go to the DEEPEST HELL. Stupid guy. Never met someone like that.
If wanna be angry also go and talk to it with someone la. Instead of posting it in the bulletin board. Who the bluddy cares abotu what he writes? I don give a shit about it also. He's out of my life and Dexter oen more time I wanna shout it out to the whole world that I FUCKING HATE YOU!~WHY NOT U GO HELL INSTEAD? U want people to appreciate u ar? I can laugh man. You know why I can laugh my ass out? Coz no one will. Not until u change ureself. That's my opinion but u don need to take it if u don wan. Because you wouldn't even read this blog of mine. But i seriously hope u will. Because i really wish that u will go hell and tell me how is it like to be down there okie? I can' believe that I've couples with some mental person like u. U GO HELL LA~!Go and think back and see what u have done to me and then make sure u take back ure words. I was just a fool to love u lastime. It didn't even happen. To me, ure just a mental person from now on.
Sorry to all my other fwens who are reading this., Don't need to read this. This is just a note 4 that bluddy asshole. Soory 4 using a lot of foul languages coz I'm really really angry. Okie..ciao.
ONE MORE TIME. GO HELL AND FUCK U!! FUCK U!! FUCK U!! FUCK U!! Not me to fuck u but a prostitude. Ask a prostittude go fuck u la..Stupid asshole.!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Love Story Chapter 10

Jamie walk home alone after school. On her way home, she saw Cal and Melanie walking. Melanie's hand was in Cal's arms Jamie saw that and she felt jealous but also she feels happy for him too. As his bestfriend, this is the least she can do and she understands that he likes Melanie so much. She went home and she went and took a bath. After having her bath, he phone rang. She quickly wrap a towel around her body and answer the phone.
Jamie : Hello?
Cal : Hey Jamie. This is Cal.
A shock of expression hit Jamie.
Jamie thingking :Isn't he suppose to be with Melanie now? Did they went home? That
Jamie : Oh. Hi. Is anything wrong?
Cal : Yes, um, actually, I need to talk to you....You know.......about
Jamie : I see. Um, well, I'm kinda in a shower now. I mean, I already taken
my shower but I got to to get dressed.
Cal : Oh, I'm not asking you to go out instantly now. I just need to meet
you and talk to you like maybe 10 minutes?
Jamie : Um, can you at least tell me what's this all about?
Cal : You'll know later.
Jamie : No I want to know now.
Cal : Um, if I tell you now, then there's no point o you seeing me later.
Jamie : You just need to tell me you wanna talk to me regarding what.
Cal : Alright. It's about you.
Jamie : Me?
Cal : Yes. You. That's all I can tell you right now, Just meed me outside
your house at about 10 minutes. Bye.
Jamie : Wait Cal.
Cal : 'Click'
Jamie : Great. I wonder what is so important and worst. It is about me. Oh
no. Maybe he figure out that I was the one who brought he and
Melanie together.
Then 10 minutes later, Jamie was all ready. She was not ready to see him but she was ready at whatever he wanna talk about. Then suddenly there was a honk outside her house. She move the curtain and hopefully to see that it is his car but it was the neighbours house. Then later on, 5 minutes later, there was another honk. She move the curtain again and it was another neighbours house.
Jamie thinking : Where is he?
Then suddenly, her housephone rang.
Jamie : Hello?
Cal : Hey Jamie. Cal here.
Jamie : Cal, where are you. I've been waiting for you.
Cal " I know. I'm sorry Jamie but I can't make it. I'll talk to you tomorrow
about it okay?
Jamie : Oh.
Jamie was a little dissappointed.
Jamie : That's okay, but why can't you make it?
Cal : Well, actually Melanie called and something just came up.
Jamie thinking : Melanie? Melanie called and something just came up? So what?
Is he just gonna cancel their plan just like that and hurt her? So is
she just a second friend or person to him?
Jamie : What happened?
Cal : I don't know. She was crying through the phone when I was about
to leave. She was really crying very terribly. And you know, I know
Melanie for quite sometime and she can really do crazy things
when she's out of control.
Jamie : Oh I see.
Cal : Are you okay Jamie?
Jamie : Yeah, I am.
Cal : You don't mind if we make it tomorrow right?
Jamie : I don't mind. Sure. You go ahead.
Cal : Thanks for understanding Jamie. You're the best. Sorry again.
See you tommorrow bye. 'Click'
Jamie : By..........e.
Then Cal quickly put his jacket on and dash out.
Cal thinking : Of all the time. Must she call me now? So fucked up.
Then Cal start up his car enjin and start driving to Melanie's house. He reach Melanie's house like about 10 minutes and press the doorbell. Melanie open the door.
Cal thinking : Oh man. Her whole face is red.
Cal : Um, are you okay?
Then Melanie started to cry again and straight away hug Cal. Cal was shock.
Cal thinking :Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooookie. Now what happened?
Cal : Can you tell me what happened?
Melanie crying : Okie. I.....
Cal : Wait. Before that, let's go in your house first.
Melanie crying : Okie. (Sniff sniff)
Then they went in. They sat on the couch.
Cal : Okie, calm down. What happened?
Melanie crying : Nothing really happenned actually.
Cal : What you mean nothing happened. If nothing happened, you
wouldn't cry for no reason right?
Melanie crying : I know......but...this problem is........
Cal : Is what? Common....tell me.
Melanie stop crying and turn to Cal and said...
Melanie : I'm sorry Cal.
Cal was confused for awhile or her apologising to him but there's more.
Melanie : I know that I wanted a break and I've been thinking. Can we start
Okie, this time, Cal really freaked out real bad.
Cal : What? Are you serious?
Melanie : Yes.
Cal : Look. I don't get it Melanie. This is not you. You don't go
back on your words and now you want me back?
Melanie : I didn't go back on my words. I just said I wanted a break from the
thow of us. I didn't said that I wanted to break up with you.
Cal : Well, I assume that your break means breakup.
Melanie : So what's your answer?
Cal Huh? Um, I don't.........know.
Melanie : You don't know? Meaning that you don't love me anymore?
Cal : No, I mean that, I really don't know anything now. I mean it is been
like a few days I haven't seen you. I don't know what have you been
doing and I thaught that you already forgotten about me and stuff
like that. I thaught that you are already meeting someone else.
Melanie : I didn't forget about you neither am I seeing anyone. Have you?
Cal : I...........................
Then all of a sudden Cal stop talking. He remembered Jamie. Is he seeing Jamie? To him, Jamie is jsut a friend isn't she? Then why is he having this funny feeling?
Melanie : Cal?
Cal : Huh? Yeah?
Melanie : You not yet answer.
Cal : No. I didn't forget about you.
Melanie : WHt about seeing someone?
Cal : Um.....I
Melanie :You like Jamie don't you?
Cal : No.. I mean...I just treat her as a friend.
Melanie : Are you sure? If you are really sure, then why it takes you so hard
to accept me back?
Cal : I don't know. It is just like all of a sudden.
Melanie : Alright, let me tell you something. Jamie came and see me that time.
She told me everything about you still loving me and can't forget
about me. She said that all you ever wanted is me in your life. Me
being by your side. Is that true?
Cal thinking : So it is Jamie who change Melanie's mind.
Melanie : After that day, I've been thinking that I did the biggest mistake of my
life. Please Cal. I still love you like how you love me.
Melanie walk closer to Cal and said...
Melanie : Can we start over? I'm so sorry.
Cal wanted to go back with her so much. All the anger and painness had just fade away. He forgotten about Jamie totally over here. Here it is, the girl of his dreams. The girl that he will never wanna let go anymore is standing right in front of him. He had to say yes.
Cal : Sure Melanie. Let's start over and never let anything get in our
relationship anymore. It's only you and me. No more break ups okay?
Melanie smile and said...
Melanie : No more break ups.
Then slowly, the kissed. Cal will never forget that kissed.
The next day before school starts, Jamie was at her locker. She finish taking her books that she needed for her subjects later and waiting for Cal.
Jamie thinking : His late today.
Then later on, she saw Cal. Jamie waved at him. He waved back. He walk towards her.
Jamie : Hey.
Cal : Hey.
Jamie : You look energetic today.
Cal : Why? Don't I look energetic everyday?
Jamie : No. You look like a zombie everyday. Half dead.
Cal : Yeah, yeah. Very funny.Hey I gotta run to my class now. See ya.
Jamie : Wait. What about later?
Cal : Huh? What about later?
Jamie : You said you wanna talk to me about something right?
Cal think for awhile and then snap his fingers.
Cal : Oh that. That's nothing anymore.
Jamie : Oh...okie. Are you sure?
Cal : Yeah I'm sure. Oh yeah, but there's another good news thing I wanna
tell you. Meet me at your locker at lunch time okay? I still need to talk
to you about something.
Jamie : Oh okie.
Cal : Alright. See ya later. Bye.
Jamie : Bye.
Then Cal faster run down the hall way. Jamie was confused.
Jamie thinking : Well whatever he wanna tell me yesterday must be not important.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

I understand everything now

Yesterday, me and my dear dear went out to pasar malam and well, he bought me a lot of things and I felt so guilty and he asked me not to feel guilty because it is he who want to buy for me.
Then after the pasar malam, I fetch him back but ended up didn't fetch him back instead. We went yarm Coz cannot bare to let him go. Lol. I don't want him to go. LOL! And then later on, we went to min tien and talk a bout a lot of things and of coz about God, relationships and work. Lol! Well, he wanted to feel how I feel when he neglect me coz of work and he asked me to act like this then he'll understand. But after that, he asked me not too. Lol! Coz he scared. AHAHAHAHAHA!
Then later on, after settling everything, he told me he will try to put everything equally. His work and me in one striaght line. Lol! And now, I unDerstand everything.I need to support him in everything he does but I really hope he knows that there's this special someone who will never let him go and of coz I want him to take me wherever he goes. And never nelgect me like that time. Don't want to say which day. Only God, me and him knows.
After we settle everything, we wanted to go home coz it is late oledi. Then later, I stop in front of his apartment and we confess a lot of things in the car. Ahahahaha.Some are so embarassing statement but I don't care. If I'm already devoted to him, I'm gonna tell him every single thing. No more lies. Lol.
Sometimes I always think that will I leave him? Yesterday I just told him right to his face that I will never leave him. This is the truth. Now I can garuntee that. Of coz if he treat me good i won't.If he treat me bad, errrr, that's a different thing but BAH!! Just don't care about it yet. Lol1 Don't want to think about it that way 1st shall we? But in my heart, deep down inside, he won't. I know he won't. He tod me that he treasure's every single moment when we are together.I'll try my best to beleive. I know that I can trust his workds. Can I baby? LOL!
Lastime I told everyone that I won't and never will trust any guys words. Somehow, I can't trust guys words anymore but now I understand the reason why I can't trust guys words is because, I never found the right one yet.Now I've found THE ONE lol. Maybe not the one but I want it to be THE ONE and plus, he is a christian. THAT'S THE BEST PART IN THIS RELATIONSHIP! Maybe God knows what's best for me. I know and understand everything. God just want me to go through rough times and hurting times in my previous relationships to make me realise things and I see it already. Now I will know how to treasure my loved ones. Okie, I guess that's enough to express my feelings. Gotta go. I won't hurt u dear. Please don't leave me. I always love u. Lol.
Oh yeah, forgot to tell about the part yesterday. Ahahahahahahaha. LOL! After confessing everything,we kiss a lot of times(Don't think dirty ar) and I love to kiss him. Ahahahaha. Serious ler. Cannot let him go. We were like lying in each others shoulder. I love his smell. Ahahahaha! YOSH! aHAHAHAHAAhaha. Um, well, it is like, I dont want the hour to move. It is like me and him is in our own world in the car. I wish that last night right, is like I wish the while world stop moving and he and me the only one moving. LOL! It is very rare to get those type of moments again and again.LOL. I hope this wednesday which is tommorrow will be like last night.. AHAHAHAHAHA! Okie ler ciao. Wonder whether he came back already or not. Okie. bye bye!

Monday, April 11, 2005


I tink the blogspot server a bit the cacat now. LOL. Anyway, hmm, keep on thinking about him non-stop today. Even when doing work. Lol! Ahahahahaha! Now in computer lab.Waiting to go home and see him! ROAR! There the bus la so late come.Anyway, just wanna write my blog since got nothing to do here and sooooooooooooooo boring! Lol. Aih, anyway, nothing can break me and him up and I MEAN IT! Hee hee. Garangnya aku ni. Okie ler..Wanna shift comp coz over here so damn bluddy cold ler.. Shift comp 1st.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Wake up oledi

I woke up already. After wake up everything seems clear. Better than just now. Just now everything so blur. Ahahaha, I read my dear's blog and lol,.waaaaa,so garang wan he? Lol. ToTALLy different person.... LOL.!!Ahahahaha, dear, don la so garanGLet them be lor what they wanna think but they sure will turn back to God if that's what you want them to do. Everything happens for a reason like what you always tell me. Anyway, I also was not having a good relationship with God previously and now I have. Very very close somemore and I'm happy about it.
Anyway, well, my baby is furious about people blaming God and I did that berfore. Now I know what it mean. Well I wouldn't wanna blame God anytmore coz to me blaming God is blaming our own Father and whnever there's someone lame my father, I will get angry. This is the exact same thing. Latime I never Treated God this way. I always think that he is the type who is so great and the Almighty and can do anything but now I know what it really means And who make me see thing\s like that? Who ese? My babies friends and him.
Now I really love this Christian life but I really need to start reading the bible. But always cannot. LOL! Well, takes time ler. Okie ler.. Wanna ciao. But also so boring now.
bye bye..

So Happy!

Yesterday, remember I thought that I can't get to go out with my baby? I did with my sister and her friends and well, I was so happy of course because I get to see him. And he as so romantic yesterday. I mean as in like he can sweet talk and was like keeping me warm. For the first time in my life, I know that he is trying his best to make this relationship work out.
Well, my sister questioned him a lot today. It was kinda funny too. Lol, but there's something bothers me which is about going here and there. After our studies that is. HMmmm, I wonder will he really leave me here and go and further his studies? I'm not sure myself but I should be happy for him but I just don't want to face another broken relationships and long distance relationship anymore. Haih. Sometimes I feel so sad when I think about it. But yesterday was the most nights that I would love to repeat again.
Eventhough we never watch any movie, it was still romantic. Lol, for the first time in my life, I didn't felt shy or scared on holding his hand. I mean, I felt like my ownself and that's a good sign. ANd oh yeah, he came to my house just for awhile but my dad was not there. LOL!!! Lucky him. Okie ler, very sleepy. Wanna go sleep 1st. BYE BYE!

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Stll sleepy

So sleepy aarrrrrrrrrrr....Mydear la..go and wake me up..I can't go out with him today and it is a saturday!! ROAR..This suks.Later somemore got to help me sister clean house.. EEEEEEEEEEISHHHHH!!! Roar.!! NO!!
Anyway, so boring ler today.. Thinking about it also. Haih. Don't feel like doing anything also. Imagining my sister and me cleaning the house sure fight wan. HAIH. My baby is online and offline now..LOLZ.!!
Argh, I wanna go out ler!! ROAR. The only place I can go out today is clubbing. EEEISh. Anyway, just wanna say I love him so so so much. I can feel that our relationship is going stronger and stronger. Well, eventhough he and me did have arguments, this is call normal relationship. People in love relationship need to have fight if not, this is not call a relationship. That's what my sis say la.. Coz this will make us know each other more and fix problem and then we will understand each other and this and that.
Well, wondering what is he doing now.. Oh yeah, forgotten to tell you guys that I went to his cell. Ahahahahah, for the 1st time.Well, it was nice. I like the cusion game.(Hoever you spell it) Anyway, um, there's this one particular cusion that we need to get our team members to sit on that cusion to win the wh9le game. And you need a good memory to play this game if not very hard to win wan. Ahahahaha. Very funny also ler the game. AhahahahA. wWanna play again ler. Lol. It was fun first and then later we go into more serious mood to worship God. Of course ler. Where can play wan if we worshiping God. Well, about the leader thing. I think I can do it lor. I've been thinking about it. Maybe I can lead people into christian life. But of course I need more stronger relationship or knowledge in christian walk. Like what my baby is trying to say to me that he will lead me and company in everything I do. Especially my christian faith, he will help me and guide me slowly auntil I will become strong. I'm already beginning to join his cell but I can't join his church ler later my dad will be mumbling and this and that . But I really am happy to know all of them. Most of them are from the art college also so it's easier to communicate too.
They are really very friendly lor to me. And well, I'm just so glad I meet this baby of mine to give me more coutage in doing things. And of course make me think positive in life. I really appreciate him a lot. And I thank God for that the most for letting me know him and for letting God giving him to me. I really need him a lot in my life right now and I know God has a reason o me veing with him. I love him so much and please God, please lead him into your word deeper and I know that one day he will become a cell leader and that time, I will try to follow in his footsteps.(Woah, that will be a miracle)
Anyway, I tink I wanna go play my gunbound liao. Something wrong with gunbouind ler. I also cannot play. ROAR. oKIE LER. ciao.