Monday, January 31, 2005

Still can't get him

I still can't get him and I'm tired and sick worrying about him. Maybe I shouldn't realy need to worry about him. I'm so sick of worrying for him. I can't get his stupid hp to ring and I should worry for my real boyfriend.
Yesterday, me and my boyfriend talk about a lot of things about breaking up and stuff like that. I'm so so so sad after that.Those words he said reay can make me cry. Hmmm, I wonder if we realy di break up who will I go with. Or maybe I'll lose 2 person. I'm so scared that this will happen. Anyway, gotta go. Wanna go and play my gunbound. Lol. But anyhow, I still love my boyfriend and well, I will always worry for Bryan. Depends if I can get him on the phone, or in gb. I hope that he can see the message I wrote for him in gunbound. Okie, bye guys.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

As I expected. He didn't come. H ecan't come and I went out with my bestfriend. My lost long bestfriend for the whole day plus Jeremy. Hmm, suprisingly Jeremy and her can get along so well. Anyway, yesterday, we were on the way going to Hartamas and then Bryan's handphone call me just that it wasn't Bryan it was someone. Someone else that I don't know. It was a malay guy. Then I keep on asking him who is he and then I can't understand him than Jeremy help me to talk to him and then he put down the phone. It was so weird.
I keep on thinking about it until Jeremy and my bestfriend asked me to call him. So I did but can't get him. His handphone was off for the whole day. My bestfriend said maybe he's handphone was stolen. But it was so weird. The thing is, I want to know, where is Bryan!!

Friday, January 28, 2005


Yesterday, I called Bryan and we wanted to talk about tomorrow. About our plans and all. He said he will tell me the answer today whether is he coming back or not. And I got a feeling his answer is no. Sigh. Kinda miss him so much. So much more than my boyfriend. Eventhough I don't miss my boyfriend, doesnt mean that I don't love my boyfriend already. But sometimes, I just feel that my boyfriend is just a replacement.
I'm not sure whether he loves me or not but I wanna know. Sometimes he acts like he doesn't love me. Sometimes he acts like he does. I don' know anything now and I'm actullay feeling nervous now abotu his answer whether is he coming back here or not. And I already know that my boyfriend is coming here to kl on valentines day. So after all, I will just keep about me liking Bryan a secret from Bryan. Well, I know liking back my ex's boyfriend is stupid and all but if both of us still got that feeling towards each other, then why not just give it a last try and make this a love that we will not forget and make it last forever. I mean, we did sacrifice our love for so many people lastime, so why not now, we sacrifice somethings just for our love?
Somtimes, we can't just think about other people's feeling and just lose our relationship because our relationship is precious. I mean, we are not going to spend our lifetime with them right? We are gonna spend our lifetime with that special someone in our precious relationship so think about it.
Just wanna say that I feel nervous about his answer. But I just got a feeling that he won't be coming back. Well, pray for me and wish me luck on this.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Confused once again

Yesterday was 22nd of january and was the day which I wanted to know the answer and truth from Bryan. I tried to dress up so nicely for him. In the end I didn't. But he was actually dress up so nice and was a little leng chai.
We went to KLCC yesterday and talk about my boyfriend over there. I wanted him to wamr my hand in the cinema but he didn't want too. But in his heart maybe he wants or maybe he doesn't wants too. I don't know. I can't read his expression. Then after show, in the parking lot, he hold me at my shoulder and my waist coz he scared me and he hold me.
In the car when we wanted to go off, he apologise for his behaviour but I did like it for some parts when he hold me and stuff. I wish I could tell him somethings but he go and spoil the whole thing. When we were at KLCC, we were sitting alone at the park, it was nice, windy and the moon was just behind us. I don't know I felt so comfortable with him beside me. I'm going to tell him everything what I wanted to tell him. I'm going to tell him that I felt jealous first, then I'm going to tell him that if he, Jeremy and Dexter combine to become one person, that's my dream guy. The 3rd thing is to tell him that everything about the breakup thingie was just a misunderstanding. The thing about him skipping lcass and about his mum. Then when I finish, I need to know, do he still like me? I just want an answer.
I hope I can get an answer from him. The worst thing is, whether I can spit out whatever I want to spit out. I'm a very emotional person and I know that I and him got a chance to be together if I never met Dexter. Now the answer I expect from Bryan is yes. Because I have a feeling. But if he's answer is no, then, I got nothing much to say anymore. I was just a fool to like him that's all.
And I'm gonna tell him about that 1 person I want to spent time with me and he did. I just feel that he knows what I'm feeling. Bryan, I hope that we can really go back together and last forever. No more like lastime.Please. After this valnetines day, if my boyfriend not coming, I hope we can go back together. That'a all I wish for. I wish for two things. One is my boyfriend to come here. And if not, Bryan to go back with me.Just give both of us a sencond chance to restore or repair whatever we have spoiled lastime like wonderful moments and times again.

Friday, January 21, 2005

A story Chapter 25

Ar last they were at the hospital. After the treatment, Tiara can't walk properly but Ken tried to help her. They sat down. Then ken started asking Tiara is he that important to her?Tiara look up intho his eyes. She look away and then she nodded slowly. Ken knew that she was smiling and very happy to be with him this close. But he somehow felt awkward.He knows if he reject her, something isn't going to be right. Then Tiara look up and ask Ken the same question. Ken didn't know what to say. Tiara look away and said that she knows that he doesn't have the same feelings like her. She said it is okay. Ken look at her. She really look very sad. Then Ken hold her hands and said that he will try to be couple with her and make her happy like what she wants and treat her right but there's one things that he can't do. The person that he really loves is really not her and the first person he loves is also not her. His true love is always the best for him but if she can accept everything that what is he thinking, then he will be couples with her but he can garuntee one thing which is he won't make her cry. Tiara smile and hug him. Maybe she accepts everything what I'm thinking. Looks like she will have no problem accepting me.
The next day at school, Ken and Tiara told their friends that they are together. Everyone congratulate Ken and Tiara. Tiara friends knew how important it is for her to have Ken to be by her side always.
11 years had passed and both of them married. They are very happy. Even though Ken lives with her, married with her and do every singel thing with Tiara, he will never forget Jessie. Jessie is always the best and forever his lover and no one has the right to set them apart not even Tiara. This is what Ken will say about his life after he married with Tiara.
11 years had passed and well, it seems like everything is normal and pleasent. Nothing is wrong. Everyone one including my 2nd wife is cheerful everyday and she is happy being with me. But as the whole wide world knows that who I really love the most and the best for me. Not to say Tiara is not. She is also part of my life but I've already devoted my heart to Jessie and Tiara said she will accept every single thing of me and she doesn't care what the world thinks and I think that she is right. Anyway, everyday after work, I will always go to the beach and feel the breeze of the wind. Jessie's love is just like the wind. You can't see it but you can feel it. The weather is like Jessie's mood. When it is a sunny day, it will shine brightly. If it rains, means she's sad. I loive it that way when I think that way. Jessie, if you can hear me, I love you forever, I really did make all your wish come true. Tiara is a lovely lady and she's my wife now, and thanks for giving her to me Jessie. You know that you are always the best for me. I love you forever.
That was Ken speaking. As you readers can see. He loves Jessie with all his heart. And he didn't take her for granted. He totally accepted her when she was not popular or anything. Everyday after his work, he will always go to the beach, feel the breeze and see the tree where they carve their name together. He will always remember that place and those moments when they were together and what they do together. This will be the end of the story and hope you enjoy.
Now this is Jessica. As you all know that I always put set by Jessica Tan at the corner of the story right? Yes, I'm the one write and created it. Sorry fot the speeling errors and my english but if you guys understand then it is cool. To me, the person inside the story whose name is Jessie, is actually me. The person name Ken inside the story, I really don't know who would that be and that is my fream guy. The guy that I always dream that I will have. And about my parents, I really wish that they can go back together. Those wishes about my birthday is what I really want to do with my boyfriend like Ken. And about my sister, I really wish that me and her don't fight so often and she will lose her stupid mad temper and change to be a loving and understandable person. Anyway, this story is to tell people out there, if you love someone, you can't judge by their faces or whether are theh popular not, because no matter how beautiful they are from the outside, to other people that know how to think, they will always be ugly from the inside.
If you love someone now, don't hessitate. Just go and tell. You'll never know that there will be no tomorrow. You can't even have the last kiss, the last goodbye kiss from them., So go tell them before it is too late. Eventhough, you know he/she will reject you, at least they know how you feel and you will know that you have already spit out whatever you have kept inside and you will be glad you told them and trust me in this you will feel so much better. Tell your love ones or someone you have a crush that you love them.
Good Luck and wish you guys luck!!!
Set By
- Jessica Tan-

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A Story Chapter 24

Krinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!!!!!!!!!! The school bell rang and yeah, it is the end of the day for them. Peter was looking for Ken and obviously that he will be walking to Jessie's house. So Peter quickly went and head the way that Ken and Jessie normally walk. Straight ahead, Peter saw Ken. He called after Ken. Ken stopped.
Peter finally catch up with Ken and well, Peter told Ken and reminded him about that girl with him at the hallway. Ken gave him a disgusted look. He said no one will replace Jessie and once again, Peter beat Ken's back. This time it is so hard. Ken said ouch and look at Peter with one scary look. Peter wasn't scared because he knows that he is doing the right thing and giving him advice about his love life will brings back his life. Peter suggest that Ken couple up with this girl which the girl is interested in him and that's it. Wadah!! Ken wasn't too sure on that. He just smile but deep in his heart, he was willing to try whatever it is that Jessie wanted him to do.
The next day in school, Ken was searching for that. He can't even remember how she look like. How an he be that blur? Ken look right and left. No sign of her or is she there just that Ken couldn't recall. Suddenly, someone tap on Ken's shoulder. Ken turn and he saw Peter. Peter asking Ken who is he looking for and Ken said that girl. Peter was smilling and said that's the way. Peter told Ken that he will be meeting him later at the canteen and with that, Peter left. Ken was still searching for that girl and still no sign of her. Ken sigh. He give up. He turn and he bumped into someone. He knock down that someone's books. "Oh I'm so sorry. I'll help you.", Ken said. He look up and that's the girl he was looking for. The girl was just staring at him. Ken feel awkward and started talking normally. "So, um, I was actully looking for you today", Ken began. The girl's eyes was wide open and her mouth is smilling even wider now. That makes Ken feel scared because he didn't said that he accpetted her. He suppose to do that which what Peter told Ken to do. But somehow, she isn't Jessie and apparently, this isn't gonna work out. Things between them. Then suddenly, the voice of that girls voice awaken him from his dreamland. "Are you okay Ken? You seem a bit, I don know out of this world". Ken just smile at her and keep reminding himself to get over what he wanted to say to her. So he said, "Look, um, I didn't catch your name." The girl smile and she said her name was Tiara. Ken smile and said to meet him after school. There's something he wanted to tell her.Meet him at hsi class. With that, he faster head off to his class. There he done it and the next part will be the most impossible thing to do so just wish him luck.
After school, Tiara wanted to go to his class but her class ended late. She was so worried and didn't want to lose this opportunity. The guy that she likes wants to tell her something after school. It doesn't matter is that something he wanted to tell her is impotant or not but as long as he talk to her that's mroe than enough. She ran towards Ken's class. She was too excited until she didn't see where she was going and she tripped on something and fell down She sprained her ankle and she can't walk. She was hurt but she wasn't hurt at her ankle but her heart because she can't get to meet Ken.
Ken waited for her for 15 minutes and yet, still no sign of her. She can't back out now could she? I mean, Ken knew that Tiara has a cruah on him and now when her crush asked her to meet him after school, she back out? Isn't that funny? Anyway, Ken decided to wait longer. Later on, after 2 minute, there was a thunder sound. It is going to rain. If he don't go home now, he will get soaked later when he goes back. Looks like I have no choice but see her tomorrow. Then when he was on the way out to the front gate, Ken saw someone on the floor near the hall. He quickly went there. When he get nearer to that person, he realise who that was it is Tiara and she's hurt. Ken run to her. Tiara look up and saw Ken. She was happy to see him there. Ken can tell by the look on her face.
"What happen Tiara?" , Ken asked. Tiara told him everything and Ken nodded. So she was excited to see me huh? Am I that important to her? Ken sit down next to Tiara on the bench and tried to mover leg a bit. " Ouch, Ken, it hurts a lot. I......OUCH!!..Ken, please be gentle.", Tiara complaining. Ken knew it hurts a lot. Ken suggest that she should go to the clinic now. "But how? I can't walk, and don't tell me we take a cab. I don't have that much money. Do you?", Tiara asked. Ken shook his head. Then there was a momnet of silence. Suddenly Ken snap his finger as if he has an idea and he has. He said that he will carry her there. It is nearby anyway. Tiara was shocked but Ken keep on insisting" and it is going to rain Tiara. Come on. Quick" Tiara has no choice so she did. Ken carried her on his back. On the way there, Tiara was enjoying every moment of it. She can't believe that Ken is actually carring her. Ken on the other hand wasn't exactly happy so much like Tiara but he somehow feels that if something happens to Tiara, he will blame himself and lose someone special too. Special? Did I thinkg that she's special? That is the word like what I use for Jessie. Special. I can't like her or, am I already falling for her?
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Monday, January 17, 2005

A story Chapter 23

Peter and Ken went out of the hospital. They went to a restaurant. Peter and Ken just order something to drink. Ken didn't say anything. His face is still as moody like always. Peter was tired and bored seeing him act this way.He then ask Ken to wake up and move on with his life like what he had promised Jessie inside the hospital a few minutes ago. Ken said he can't. He said he is so confused now and don't know what to do anymore. It is like after she's gone, nothing matters anymore. He wanted to company her up there. Peter scolded Ken saying that it is just stupid to think something like that. If he do kill himself, what he had promised Jessie just now was just bullshit. Ken suddenly calm himself down. Whatever Peter said to him just now make sense. First time of all his life, Peter made some sense and the most weirdest part was, he put some sense into Ken's head. Ken suddenly just walk away without saying anything to Peter. Peter wanted to chase after him but he can't he got to pay for the drinks.
Ken went back home. He slammed the door behind him. He was still pissed off and sad after what had happened today. He went upstairs. As usual, his parents not at home. He look at the mirror. He does looks terrible. Then he went to take a shower. When he was in the shower, he think a lot of stuff. When eh came out and wear his clothes on, he planned on what to do. Normally all his life was about Jessie. Now Jessie was gone. He has nothing left to do but all he can do now is promise Jessie what he had promised her.
The next day at school, he went to school but he realise that he had forgotten some of his books but he don't care. He was still not in the mood to do anything but whatever it is. He was not in the mood to go and find another girl just like that. Not after Jessie was gone yesterday. Later he got to go visit Jessie's parents.
Ken walk to his class when the bell rang. He didn't look where was he going obviously cause he's so blur the whole morning. He knock a girl. He helped the girl with her things. The girl look at Ken and realise that she was looking at the most popular guy in school. She tried to talk but nothing in her mouth will come out. He helped her things and her up and when she get up, all she said was thank you. Ken just smiled and started walking. The girl tried to stop him. She did. Ken stoped and look at her. She asked Ken is he Ken? Ken nodded and she smiled in happiness. She said that she was trying to get to know him. Ken gave her a weak smile and said that he wasn't interested in any girls right now and with that, he just walk away. The girl was sad of course and she just turn and walk striaght down the hall way. Peter saw what happened and he just shook his head. It is time to give Ken some advice abut his love life, if not, Ken will jsut make Jessie dissapointed.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Friday, January 14, 2005

A story Chapter 22

Ken walk towards Peter. He asked Peter how is she doing? Peter said that he don't know. All he said was that he saw Jessie's face is like she's in so much pain before she fainted. It is like she wanted to say something but nothing came out. Ken hit the wall with his hand. "DAMN!!!" ,Ken shouted. Peter walk towards Ken and stop him from hitting the wall. Ken keep on saying that he will never forgive himself is she die now. He couldn't even say anything to her before she's gone.
The opearation light was still shinning and Ken was still there waiting. Jessie's parents already went back home. Peter was there. He hold Ken's shoulder. Ken look at let out a weak smile. He wasn't in the mood to smile at all. Peter knew that he was just acting that he was fine but deep down Ken's heart, Peter knew that he wanted to be there for Jessie. Peter call Ken's name. Ken look at him. Peter ask Ken to go home. It is getting late. Ken shook his head and said no. He wouldn't wanna go home and sleep. He isn't even in the mood to go home and sleep. He is going to wait or Jessie until the doctors give him an answer. Peter sigh. He knew nothing or no one can stop him when he is stubborn. Peter said okay and he left. So Ken was alone ther waiting until the next morning.
Ken slept for awhile. The operation lights went off and at the same time, Ken woke up. Nurses come out first then followed by doctors. He walk towards the doctor. "Doctor, how is she? Please say that she's okay. Please.", Ken asked. The doctors only can let out a sigh. Ken knew that that's a bad sign. He asked again. "Doctor? She's...." The doctor face Ken and said, "Be ready. You better call her parents and her friends. She can't live long anymore. She's going to go soon. All you can do now is see her for the last time and talk to her for the last time. I'm sorry. We tried our best.With that, the doctor walk away. Ken was so stunned. He called Peter and all her friends and her parents with his mobile phone. After he called, he look at the operation room. He started to walk in.
Not long after that, Peter,Jessie's friends and Jessie's parents arrived. They were not to late yet. Jessie's parents were crying especially the mom. After Jessie's parents have their time with Jessie, Ken and Peter went inside. Ken walk in and Peter close the door behind him. Then he look at Ken. Ken sit down next to her on the chair next to her bed provided. Ken stare at Jessie for a long long time without saying anything then he started talking. "Jessie, I know you cannot hear me now. " Ken paused. Peter can hear that his mouth was trembling.Ken was going to cry any minute. He conitnued again. "But, I really hope that you can hear me. I, um, you look beatiful today like you always do. (sniff). Jessie, please, don't do this to me. Please wake up. Please open up your eyes. You are the one I need. I can't lose you Jessie. I'm so sorry I can't make you live forever but Jessie, at least a little longer." Ken hold her hands. "Jessie, please tell me you are sleeping. Please wake up and look at me. Please(sobbing)." Peter was crying at the corner too. The wrods Ken said was so touching. Peter never knew that Ken was thay type of person. Suddenly, at the corner o Jessie's eyes, tears came rolling down her cheek onto her pillow. Ken saw that. He even felt her hands moving. He smile. Jessie was awake.
Ken took out the oxigen maks because Jessie wanted too. Then when he took out, Jessie began talking, "K..e..n.." She talk so soft. She continued. "I.........I h.eard y...ou...I hear.d what you i.....s one senten.ce I've ever heard. Ken..I'm awake f...or now, b...ut not for long. It is..pain...ful in....side. Just now when I was a...sleep, that I was in hea.ven. Hea...ven is a nice pla........ce. Ke..n, eventhough, if I'm not with you, I wi..ll meet you u.p there ....eventually. Ken, thing." Ken was crying and sobbing so terribly, He didn't say anything. He just nodded. Jessie squessed Ken's hand so tight. She whisper. "Please, marry with a g...irl that wi......ll treat you..g..ood. Pr.o..mise me now," Ken said he promised. Then Ken kissed her hands and her forehead. "Jessie. I'm so sorry. I don't wanna see you like this. It scares me. Jessie, I didn't get to call you like what couple usually call each other. Sorry baby. Sorry honey. I will see you when you up there I promise. Please wait for me okay my angel?" Jessie smile and nodded. There were total silence. Then Ken said, "Honey, can you do something for me?" Jessie look at him with one impression telling him to spit it out. "Can you say you love me and tell me something that you never did and wanted to tell me so much." Jessie smile. There is and she began saying that she never did tink that she and Ken will be couples. And a miracle did happen to her. She had a miracle and that's him. She never knew that he would be with her all along. Ken loved her so much and she appreciate every single moment when both of them are together. And lastly is, "Sweety, I love you." Ken lick his lips and began sniffing again. Ken said " I love you too honey. "Then when they wanted to kiss each other on the lips, Jessie suddenly stop breathing and her face insteac of moving forward to Ken, she face down and her hands landed on the bed. Ken knew that she has left him without a kiss. But he knew that she had tried her best. Not another second, he found that her friends and Jessie's parents came rushing in the room and shouting her name and sobbing and stuff. Ken couldn't stand anymore and he ran out from the room. Peter saw Ken ran out so Peter chased him.
Ken finally stopped and kneel down. Peter did caught up with him. He look at Ken. He looks so terrible. Peter walk towards him and squat down beside him. He put his hands on Ken's shoulder. Ken look at Peter. He was crying that's for sure. Then he hug Peter and said, "Peter! She's gone. She's gone forever. Peter!!!! She left me. I can't get to see her anymore. I can't get to hear her voice anymore. I can't get to feel, kiss, touch and even talk to her anymore" Peter didn't know what to say. He just know that now he got to calm Ken down first.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

A story Chapter 21

Ken sit down on the chair next to her. The ring was still in her finger. He was so relieved. Then she suddenly slowly took out the ring. Ken saw that and he stop her from doing that. Jessie look at him. "Don't. Jessie please don't take out the ring. You said you wanted to marry me", Ken said. Jessie's face suddenly change. She told Ken that she is not supose to marry him. That ring doesn't belong to her because she is going to die. She will not live long anymore and it is just a waste of money to spent the ring on her. "It is not a waste of money, do you hear me? You are worth it. You are worth every gold or silver in this whole wide world okay? I love you Jessie. Please know that I love you with all my heart" Ken starting to cry again. Jessie knew that what she had done has hurt his feelings. Ken keep on talking. " No one can ever take your place Jessie. No one!!! Understand? " Then Ken hug Jessie. Jessie hug him back. She close her eyes and hug him and whisper in his ears saying that she will accept the ring but she won't marry him. But in both of their heart, they are already married. Ken agreed. It doesn't matter anymore to anyone. Both of them are already in their own world and nothing else matters. If both of them already counted that they are married, then they are.
The next day in the school, Peter walk towards Ken. He was sitting down next to a tree. Peter sat down next to him. He let out a soft slapped onto Ken's shoulder. Ken look at Peter and greeted him. Peter greeted him back. Both of them talk and talk. "I can't believe you actually make all of her wishes come true ",Peter said. Ken smile. He couldn't believe himself either.
After school, Ken told Peter that he should go and visit Jessie. He will catch up with him later. He need to stay back for one of his sparts meeting. Peter said okay and headed off to the hospital. When he reach the Jessie's room, he went in. Jessie was out of her bed and looking out of the window. Peter was so shocked. He quickly run towards Jessie and told Jessie that she shouldn't go out of the bed. Jessie turn and look at Peter. She wanted to say something but it couldn't come out. Peter study Jessie's face carefully. Something isn't right. "Jessie, are you o......" Before Peter could finish his sentence, Jessie suddenly lost ballance and her eyes going to close and she fell. Peter reach out for her and grab her. He put her on her bed panicking and quickly call the doctor. After the doctors and nurses rush in to treat her, Peter called Ken. Ken received the call but he was in the middle of the meeting but it didn't matter anymore. He told the teacher that she could punish him after he get back because this matters a lot to him. If he don't go to the hospital now, and somethign happen, he will never forgive himself. After that, he ran and ran towards his car and drove. He drive so fast.
He reach the hospital and ran towards the lif and press the close door lif button more than once. Please be okay Jessie. Please be okay. Please. God, please don't take her away from me yet. Please. He reach the floor and the first person he saw sitting outside was Peter and Jessie's parents. The operation light was still on. By the look on their faces, Peter and Jessie's face was their only worried. Ken was worried too. He don't know what will the doctors answer now.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

A story Chapter 20

Ken was outside of Jessie's room. The paresnts wanted to see Jessie. So Ken let the parents see Jessie first. Peter look at Jessie through the window. He could see how much is she hurting trough her eyes. Peter turn to look at Ken. Peter feel pity for both of them. One is hurting so much in real sickness and suffering from brain cancer. The other one is worried so much about their marriage, going crazy and have no idea what to do.
Inside the room, Jessie's mom and dad told Jessie that both of them decided to stay together and get married again. Jessie was so glad. She was smiling. Jessie's parents were so happy to see their own daughter smile again. Eventhough she was suffering in pain, she was still showing that she has hope to live longer. Then she told her parents that she wanted to see Peter first. Jessie's parents nodded. Then they went out of the room. When they went out of the room, both of them told Peter and Ken the good news. Peter and Ken smile. Jessie's parents told Peter that Jessie wanted to see him first. Peter was shock but if that's what she wants then she will get it.
Peter knock the door. Jessie look at him and ask him to come in. Peter walk towards her and sit down next to her on the chair beside the bed. Before Peter could ask anything, Jessie took one of Peter's hand and said, "Peter, can you please take care of Ken for me? I know he is having a lot of stress lately and I know it is all because of me. I (coff coff) just want to see him happy and not this way. Peter you understand right how it feels to see someone you love so much is hurting because of you? (coff). " Peter nodded his head. Of course he knew. He is actually hurting so much right now. Peter told Jessie not to worry anything about Ken. Jessie smile and cough couple of times. Peter knew how much was she standing the pain. Peter ask Jessie is she suffering a lot? Jessie nodded but then suddenlt she smile and said that she don't care. As long as she can see Ken, she don't feel ant painfulness in her body. Ken is part of her life and whatever he feels or whatever he is going through, she will face it together with him like what he did for her.Peter felt so touch hearing those words from Jessie's heart. Now he really know that those two belong to each other. Not Peter. Peter felt like he could cry any minute now. He stand the tears from coming down. Jessie look at Peter's face in confusion. Then Peter let out what he wanted to say all along to Jessie. "Jessie," he began, "actually I still love you a lot as much as how Ken loves you too. I still not yet forgive Ken fully yet. I'm still mad at you guys for actually lieing to me and I know that you guys didn't meant to lie to me. Jessie, I, I just" then Peter laugh. "Funny. I can't seem to say it out. Maybe all I really wanna say is that I never did forget about you and my love will always be there for you. My love will always remains the same. But maybe I can never be like Ken who will make all your wishes comes true and will spent almost all his time to come see you. Maybe I can't go sobbing in front of my own bestfriend and I won't have the courage to just promise you things that I'm not sure I can do it. Ken really is the one for you. Now I realise all this and I really want to see with my own eyes that both of you get married. Please Jessie. Please hold on a little longer.I know you want to marry wiht him and I know that you want him with all your heart and" Jessie cut him out. Jessie said whatever Peter said is true but she isn't going to marry with him because of something that she will tell Ken later.
Ken was really going crazy. He had a bad feeling that he and Jessie will not marry. Peter come out after that. He look at Ken as Ken look up at Peter's face. Peter really look sad and dissapointed. Ken knew something is not right. It could be her sickness or it could be the marriage thingie. Peter walk towards Ken and said, "it is your turn to see her. " Ken nodded. Peter put his hand on Ken's shoulder and tell him that whatever her answer is, don't get upset and come out and tell me. Don't get upset in front of her Peter ask Ken to promise him this. Ken said that he promise so soft like a mouse the he went in. As Ken wanted to walk towards her, he felt that he cannot move and wanted to run away from the room. He look at her when he reach beside her. She looks calm, normal and happy and that's what Ken was afraid off. It is always very hard to read her expression and what is she going to do next. Looks like I got to wait and see what will happen next. Please Jessie accept me. Ken thinking.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -
Let's see what did I did today? Wake up, and then on my computer as usual. Hmm, after that, eat my lunch, fetch my sister go to lrt station and then come back, go and bathe and then play gunbound for awhile and then sleep until 6 something, then play gunbound again, and then eat dinner and then book tickets to watch meet the fockers with foong wan and then watch my chinese shoe do my love sotries and then play gunbound again up until now. LOL.!! Phew. At last I kept you guys knowing what I did the whole day today. And now is tuesday. Fast!! Time really flies man. Anyway, hmm, I wanna see my dear dear as soon as possible.Argh!!! Okie well, how is the story going on? Nice? Give some comments about it. SEE ya. Ciao. Damn a lot of mosquito's here. Eeeeeish!!!

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Clubbing Rocks!!!

Clubbing damn nice. I didn't met any leng chai's.Hee hee. Well got leng chai's la. I saw two which were beside me but I don't have guts to talk to them ler. DAMMIT!! Argh!! They were really cute. I wish I can see them again. But now, I have my dear dear. If my dear dear stays here ar, I don't care if I met leng chai's but too bad. He's not staying here. I need guys leh. Haih.
I need to go clubbing leh..It rocks the shit outa me. I love it. I mean I love the guys man. Lol.Wish I can see them again if I have the chance and also I love to rock and roll. But the music not really ngarm me coz my type of music is ROCK BABY!!Lol. Anyway, cannot sleep ler. I still got that chop at my hand there. Gonna keep it for remembrance but it will still go off anyway but bah! who cares. At least I went to CAFE FLAM. Lol. Haih, wish that those guys came talk to me or I went talk to them. Damn miss them for now.. HMMMMM!!! Love clubbing. It rocks.Those tow guys please be there the next time I go.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

A story Chapter 19

The next day in school, Ken walk with Jessie to school. Ken told her the good news that they are going to marry in 2 days time. Jessie was so happy and she hug him so tight. They stop walking of course. Ken response to her hugs. He hug her back.
Then not long after that, they reach school and told thier classmates about it. Everyone congratulate them. Peter was happy to hear that and also sad at the same time. He still likes Jessie but he knew whatever he do now, will never gonna break them up. I mean, he doesn't wanna be the bad guy. So for now, he can just be happy for her.
Later, at break time, Ken got to go see his basketball teacher for awhile. So he asked Jessie to go on ahead with Peter to the canteen to eat first. So Jessie and Peter went to the canteen. They bought their food and they ate. Peter look at Jessie. She really look very pretty like she usually does just that a bit pale. Probably because of her sickness. 10 minutes later, Ken came running towards them and then kiss Jessie's cheek. Peter was jealous but what can he do? So he just pretend he didn't see that. He love her so much as much as Ken does but it doesn't matter anymore. Doesn't it?
KRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! When it was time to go home, Jessie walk with him back. Ken keeps on telling her about their wedding like what are they gonna have and do on that day.Jessie was listening until, the sun was so hot and then she suddenly feel headache and she wanted to faint. She felt dizzy and she was holding her forehead. Ken asked her is she okay? She nodded but didn't say anything. Then another five minutes wqhen they walk, she fainted and Ken catch her before she hits the ground. Ken called for help. At the same time, Peter was aeound the neighbourhood. He head Ken and then he helped call the ambulans. Ken contacted Jessie's parents. While they were waiting for the parents, Peter asked Ken is he afraid? Ken said yes. Then not long after that, Jessie's parents came. Ken told them what happened and all of them waited patiently for the doctors to come out from the operation room.
Peter bought some food for all of them. The parents were eating but Ken wasn't. Peter sat beside Ken and past on the food to Ken. Ken didn't reponse to any of that. He just burried his face into his hands. Peter said, "it is no use if you act this way Ken. Look at Jessie's parents. They are sad as you are but they are still eating. You need to take care of your health" Ken turn and face Peter and said, "Peter, am I dumb to marry her?" Peter didn't know what to say. He wanted to open and say out something but Ken shut him off. " I love her so much and I don't want God to take her away from me and that's why I wanna marry her. I don't wanna lose her. I try to make all of her wish come true so that she won't leave me and I can be with her for the rest of my life. I just want her by my side forever and that's why I marry her. Is it stupid? Ami I dumb? Tell me the truth Peter. (SOBBING)" This is the first time in Peter's life that he saw Ken crying because of someone he loves. Will Peter ever marry Jessie if this things happen? Peter shook his head and then hug Ken. Ken really deserves to be with Jessie and Peter knew that. Peter seen what both of them have been through. Peter knows that Ken loves this girl which was a nobody at first in school. Ken finally pick someone that is not popular, pretty, smart and someone that is an angel to him.
The operation light went off. Ken saw it first then he stood up and waited for the doctors to come out. When the doctors came out, Ken asked the doctors how is Jessie's condition. The look on the doctors face isn't good as Ken can see. The doctor say that her condition is getting worst. Ken didn't know what type of cancer is she having and the doctor said it is brain cancer. Ken was shock. He was stiffed and felt that he wanted to vomit out blood. The doctor continue saying that the tumor is growing fast and it is attacking. She is going to go soon and all of them should be ready. Then the doctor went away. Ken couldn't believe it. It is not even his wedding day yet and she is going to leave him? "Hey son, don't worry, she will live until your wedding day. She will marry you in the hospital okay?" Jessie's dad said. Ken smile at Jessie's dad. Yeah, if she can't get to marry in the church, it doesn't matter. As long as thie married.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Thursday, January 06, 2005

A story Chapter 18

The next day, Ken saw Jessie sitting alone at the the bench. She look very sad. A sense of thunder strike in Ken's heart. Could it be that........that........her sickness had become serious? Was I correct about it? Then Ken shook his head. He keep on telling himself to stop thinking about something so stupid. So he walk to Jessie.
Jessie heard Ken called out her name. When Jessie saw him, her face lit up. She hug him after that. Ken hug her back. He saw her finger. She was wearing the ring that he gave her. Ken told Jessie that he had something to give her and also something that he must tell her. He took out something from his bag. It was a handphone. "Here, it is for you", Ken said. Jessie's face look like she was gonna cry any minute but she stand the tears from coming down. Then Ken continue talking, "I still remember you told me that you don't have a handphone. So I boought a handphone for you. This way, I can contact you anywhere you go. And you can contact me anywhere I go. I don't need to make so much noise at your house making your house phone ring anymore." Jessie laugh at his joke. Then all of a sudden, he hold Jessie's hand. Jessie's smilling face faded. Ken said, "my parents agreed on you to marry me." Jessie's face lit up more. He then hug Ken. Ken said marrying me is one of her wish. Which is she is going to be living with him forever. Maybe not in person but in his heart. Jessie hug him and crying at the same time. He said that he is going to bring his mom and his dad back together.
After school, Jessie's dad fecth Jessie home. Ken tag along in the car. Ken said that there was this high tea in this restaurant that they were having. The school have this free coupon so he gave it to Jessie's dad and the same goes to Jessie's mom when Jessie went and visit the mom. Jessie scolded Ken because the coupon is damn expensive. Ken said that nothing matters anymore because he wanna make Jessie's wish come true and make them last forever this time. Jessie and Ken bought coupon's for themselves too to spy on Jessie's parents.
Jessis' mom came in after the Jessie's dad went in. Jessie's mom saw Jessie's dad there. She went there. "May I join?", she asked. Jessie's dad was shock to see her there. But he insist. Jessie and Ken sat somewhere near them so that they can hear what both of them saying. Both of them seem to be getting along just fine. Jessie and Ken suddenly appear in front of them and Jessie's dad n mom were shock to see both of them there. Ken and Jessie told the mthe truth about them make up all this idea about meeting up there in the same time.Jessie's dad and mom were a little bit angry but after all. Jessie told them about her dreams and looks like they were jsut having fun just now. Then ken gave a suggestion which is if both of them never fight with each other a week then why not start a family again. Jessie's dad and mom agreed with Ken's decision.
On the way home, Ken drove home leaving Jessie's mom and dad there in the restaurant so thay can have their own sweet time again. Jessie and Ken went back to Jessie's house. Ken went inside her house and bought a book about around the world and showed Jessie around the world but he told Jessie that he cannot take her around the world but Jessie was already happy because Ken almost did every wish of hers come true. He said that he will try to marry her as soon as possible. Both of them smmile and knew that nothing can tear them apart for now.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

A story Chapter 17

Jessie went home.Close the door behind her. She couldn't actually beleive it. She is actually not dreaming. She look at the her forth finger and it was there. The ring is there. She kiss it. She close her eyes and still can't believe it but all she know is today is a day that she won't forget the rest of her life.
The next day at school, Peter saw Jessie walking alone to school.She was going to enter her class already. Peter quickly catch up with her. He called after her. She stopped and saw Peter. She greeted Peter good morning and Peter greeted her back. Peter handed out something to her. Jessie look down on Peter's hand and it was a watch."Is this the same watch that I bought for you?", Jessie asked.Peter said no. This watch is different. He said that he wouldn't buy a watch which is pink and has hearts inside. Jessie was so shocked. SHe look inside and yeah, it is pink and there are hearts shape in it."For me?" , Jessie asked. Peter nodded. Jessie smile and took it from him and asked Peter why did he bought somethign for her? Peter told her that her birthday is coming. Jessie was shock. How could she forgotten her own birthday? Does this means that her sickness is getting serious? Peter look at Jessie's face. It is like she was worrying about something. Peter try to catch Jessie's attention by waving his hands in front of Jessie's face. Jessie finally woke up fomr her dreamland. "Is there something wrong?" Peter asked. Jessie shook her head but she wasn't smiling either. Then she said that she gotta go. Then withour any other thaught, she just run as fast as she could. Peter was worried about her but what can he do? Jessie never seem to tell im anything.
At break time, Peter saw Ken with Jessie.Both of them did look very happy together but Peter can't stop thinking about how Jessie acted earlier that morning. Peter walk towards them and wanted to call Ken. He called Ken and told him that he wanted to talk to him about somehthing. Ken gave a quick kiss on Jessie's cheek and went to where Peter was.
Ken and Peter walk to some place quiet. It was at nearby their class. "What is it Peter? You look a hurry or worried", Ken said. Peter turn to Ken and said, "it is worried." Ken look at Peter and put his hands on his shoulder and said,"chill man. What is it?" Peter struggle so that Ken's hands drop on to hi side. Peter told Ken. How could he chill and be calm? Peter told everything what happen to Jessie. Ken just said maybe she has something to do. Peter told Ken that, that is not the reason why she was acting that way. Ken just said that Peter was overreacting. She was fine and just leave it as it is.Then Ken just walk away. Peter knew that there's somethign wrong with Jessie that Ken just don't wanna hear.
After school, Jessie went home with Ken. Ken didn't really talk. Jessie felt weird.Ken usually will always starts a conversation when they walk home together. Maybe Ken isn't in the mood that's what Jessie was thinking. Then Jessie start a conversation but it was cut by Ken and Ken said," is your sickness getting serious?" Jessie look at Ken in horror. Why must he suddenly bring up this subject? Jessie don't know. Jessie don't know anything. She don't even wanan know. Ken face her this time. His face was so serious that gives Jessie a stab in the heart. She hates to see him looks this serious. He asked again. "Is it? Is it getting serious?" Jessie just stare at him. Ken shouted this time. "I'm asking you Jessie is it getting damn fucking serious!?" Jessie was so shock. She wanted to run but Ken grab her and she turn and then Ken hug her and said that he was sorry. Jessie close her eyes and cry. "I'm sorry Jessie. I'm just worked up. I just don't know what to do. This whole wedding thingie is getting me feel so nervous and also about you going to leave me, I still can't except it yet. I love you so much. I don't want you to leave me. If you leave me,there's no point for me to live. I raised my voice at you just because I wanna get some answers from you. But I'm sorry Jessie. I shouldn't have done that. I'm bad. I'm the bad one." He stop hugging Jessie and wipe Jessie's tears away and asked Jessie to stop crying. It is not worth it to shed a tear for him that made someone he love cry. They walk back after that.
After he saw her safely in her house, he went back home. He knew he was wrong just now. He quickly went back to his house and told his mom about the wedding thingie and the parents agreed. Ken was damn happy. Nothing is gonna stop he and Jessie from being together and forever in his heart.
Set By
- Jessica Tan-

6th months Aniverssary

Okie, yesterday I mean on 3rd of January is my anivessary with my daling and we're already 6th months together but I never seen him in person in real yet. Haih. I really I can. I don't know if we're considered together but if I can't say that it is not real because if I say like this, he's effort all will be gone and I don't want him to think it that way.
I love him really but I just can't stand it if I cannot see him once more again. I hope he knows that I really wanna see him so much. I feel that I wanna hug him and that's all. Okie, I gotta go now..bye bye!!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

A story Chapter 16

The next thing was, Ken brought 2 mats. He put the mats on the ground next to each other then later on, they were cuddlign up. Then Jessie said, "I really hope this moment won't be gone and will be on our minds for the rest of our lives." Ken smile. He wish that really did happened but inside, he really wanna die with her. Later on when it was around 8.00 p.m, Ken asked Jessie to wait for him there. So Jessie waited.
Later on, after for 5 minutes, Jessie saw a light. She went there and then, when she went nearer and nearer, she saw a birthday cake. Lighted. It said, "Happy Birthday my beloved angel." Jessie smile and tears almost going to roll down her cheek. Then Ken suddenly close her eyes from at the back of her. He whisper in his ear still closing her eyes and said, "make a wish my angel". Jessie smile and she make a wish. While she was wishing, she was holding Kens hand together in her hands. After shse finish wishing, Ken, let go his hand from her eyes and Jessie blow the candle.
They were eating the cake after that. They chit chated and Jessie was still complimenting that the cake was damn good. Then later when they finish eating, Ken look up at the sky. Jessie look at the sky together with him but in confusion. She look at the sky again but nothing is in the sky. Shw went nearer to Ken and asked him what is he looking at. Ken said shooting star. Jessie was even more and more confuse. Shooting star in their country? Jessie asked Ken where is the shooting star? Ken pointed. Jessie try to see closely this time and then suddenly, Ken grab her by the waist and carry her wich made Jessie screamed in fright. Ken was laughing. Ken turn around and Jessie was spinning in his arms. But she likes it too. Ken then said, "there's no shooting star, but I will let you see something that moves in the sky." He put Jessie down. He went to his car and took out some fireworks. He light the fireworks and they saw the fireworks holding hands. Jessie was so happy. Ken could see that.
Later on, Ken on some music for them to dance in the moonlight. They did. But before that Ken made a dedication to the radio and the song that he requested, did played. So Ken and Jessie danced in the moonlight just like what Jessie had wished for. She would never forget this day that meant so many wonderful and sweet things. All thanks to Ken. She would do anything for him. Really anything!. After they had done that, they kiss at the same spot.
When Ken send her home, Ken asked her not to go home yet. He took out a ring box. Jessie was damn suprise. She close her mouth in shocked. Ken asked her "will you marry me?" Jessie could not respond. Ken hold her hand so that she would not close her mouth. Ken told her "I will take care of you. I almost can make your wish come true. Don't tell me you still don trust me?" Jessie was starting to cry. Then she nod her head. Ken put the ring in her finger. Ken and her kiss in the car. Jessie knew that this day he will propose and well he did and she will not leave him. NEVER!!
Set By
- Jessica Tan-

Sunday, January 02, 2005

A story Chapter 15

After Jessie finish singing that song, she smile at the crowd and took one last bow and wnet back stage. Ken smile at himself. He went back stage to see Jessie and there she was as beautiful as always. Ken kiss her on his cheek. Ken told her that she was marvelous at the stage. Jessie smiled and hug him.
After all that then Jessie, Ken and Peter went to some restaurant. They chit chated and Ken told Peter that he needs to go with Jessie somewhere so Peter said that he will go back by himself. Ken smile at Peter and knew Peter would understand. After they had finished, Ken, Peter and Jessie went away in different directions. Ken told Jessie that they are not going home yet. Jessie felt weird. So Ken lead her to the car and open the car door for her. Jessie went inside. Ken went to the drivers seat and start the engine. Jessie ask him one more time where are they going and Ken said, "to the beach".
Not long after that, they reached the beach. It was at 5.00 p.m. They did a lot of places because Ken said that he wants to pick up something.. So Ken open the car door for her. She get out of the car. Then Ken brought her near the water. They were holding hands. Jessie ask Ken why did he brought Jessie here. Ken said that it is her birthday wish. All her wishes will be granted today. Not all but some. But most of them will. Ken said, " eventhough, today isn't your birthday,which is coming, I don't mind celebrating it with you earlier. You don't mind too do you?" Jessie shook her head. He asked Jessie to open the car boot. Jessie did. When she open, tons of flowers were all over the car boot. She dig her and there it was, her stuff toy puppy. Shw smiled at herself and look at Ken. She told Ken like she was dreaming. Ken smile at her and said that he isn't dreaming.
Later on, he ask her to go in the car now. She went back in. Then later, he took out 5 different type of tattoo. A butterfly, a love shape and arrow inside, a picture of a guy and girl fall in love, lips, heart shapes and pheonix. She choose the one with the picture of a guy and girl fall in love. Ken did it for her.He put it on her arm. He blow it to dry. Then Jessie smile at him and he smiled back. They went out of the car and then Jessie saw a tree. He hold Ken's hand and pull him to follow her. He asked whether does he have a knife? Ken took out his pen knife and started to carved their name. It says ' Jessie and Ken forever be together' After Jessie done that, she turned to face Ken. Jessie looks happy so does Ken but Ken didn't look so happy like Jessie. Then Jessie kiss him. In Jessie's mind, she knew that she will be very sad if she is gone.
Set By
- Jessica Tan -

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Not coming(Almost break up)

Sometimes, I feel like I should really give people a second chance. I really need to give them a chance and I don't wanna hurt anybody. I really deperately need someone to concolse me. I don't like my sister which she really don't give me any any support at all. She really don't want me and Dexter to be together. Dexter won't be coming and now he said that he will be coming just don't know when and Im not going to tell my sister anything about my peronal love stuff anymore cause she's nothing. She don't know how to understand people and tjhe most importantly, she don't understand me at all. Even Foong Wan so suprise at the way she was acting.
Dexter and me almost break up today and well, ahhh, give him 1 more last chance and well, i did gave Debbie a 2nd chance to be a good girl and the friend that I would like her to be and yeah, she did. So I hope that Dexter can be like that. Hmm, well, I guess that's it. Gotta go now. Bye.